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for A Fun, Violent Vampire Killer Story (Prequel 1)

6/8/2001 c1 5Kitten Courna
hey, good stuff mostly, but kinda short to be out on its own. I decided to stop before reading the other bit to review. I like it, though it feels stiff and formal, it reminds me of many authors that use that style(published authors you can find in your local library). I still think you should add it on as full on prologue rather than having it out on its own, because in the jump to go read the other part, you tend to loose action rather quickly(if you don't have any idea what I'm saying, I'll clarify it for you sometime) Of course, you didn't ask for this kind of review, but what the hell. I was also wondering(in order to prevent future conflicts and purely for the safety of others)Where you picked up your names. I'm not saying they aren't original or anything, but I've seen the name Delano before. It's specifically derived from a surname or something like that. And it wasn't in a story I saw it so don't worry, it's just familiar. Oh yeah, good involved action, but don't get carried away with prowess. Every battle is a battle, a thing of heart and soul; only outside of a battle is it a thing of surreal beauty.
11/3/2000 c1 FireyElectra
Editorial note #1: smelt is a type of fish, not a conjugation of the verb "to smell"

Editorial note #2: you don't need to use *** to signify a change in point of view, sometimes it makes a more effective story not to do so

As far as plot is concerned, this is only a prolouge and one cannot make too many judgements. However, readers are given a very clear sense of character, though Fin and Delano tend to seem rather juvenille in the Delano POV, kind of missing the lightheartedness that I think you were originally going for. In any case, the descriptions are very clear and well written, rather campy feel from a lot of the syntax. Kudos.
11/2/2000 c1 Xantose
That was cool! I love sword fights! Cant wate to read the next one!
11/2/2000 c1 1M. Ryan Casner
Quiet reading for males. I love it. You do a good job of portraying the characters as real pesonalities, and the actions are vivid and lifelike. A good old-fashioned swashbuckler tale is something we just don't see in this era of brooding, luke-warm fallen angelx0rs, but you've been doing it well.

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