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for First Contact

1/4/2003 c3 3Doctoroc
Scales? Claws? I had such hopes...

But otherwise it's perfect. I love the way you insult humanity as a whole, this is exactly the reaction some of us would have.

Just like the Brittish empire, we colonise space... Pathetic monkeys.
1/4/2003 c2 Doctoroc
Interesting. VERY interesting. Please, don't apologise. This bears watching...
1/4/2003 c1 Doctoroc
You are clearly thinking realistically on this one. This is exactly what humanity will do, I'm sure of it- you are clearly going well on that point.

Another race's customs. Your race is interesting- why not describe these creatures? I advise you to make them as non-humanish as possible. Try not to base it off of an earth creature, make up your own race.

Sorry I didn't review earlier. Never found the time.
12/12/2002 c1 29Why must I be Omelette
This is good. You tell much about the world your characters live in without laying it on too heavily. Good job!
12/9/2002 c3 5The EyE
YAY! a new chapter, yes, finally! and it is getting better, more intresting... really wish i could write like that... by the way, i decided to continue 'My Own Enemy' so there is a new chapter...

-The EyE
12/8/2002 c3 Savak
Hey, cool! I really love this! I'm definitaly adding to favorites. Umm... I can't think of any criticism... Oh well...

Can't wait to read more!
12/3/2002 c2 24psychochick3
hey, I like the language. I was reading it aloud, and my roomies were staring at me like I was crazy, which of course I am. I really like it, it flows nicely and fits into the structure. You even have different conjugations present. That's hard to pull off, and I commend you for that.
12/3/2002 c3 psychochick3
Y'know, I'm rather mad at you now. *fingering her hunting knife as she types with one hand* I finished my papers, and I decided to take a quick break and check some of my favorite stories. Imagine my surprise when I've found that you've updated without telling me. Yep, you screwed up. Big time. Not only with the grammatical mistakes and overabundance of commas yet again. No no, much worse. You got on my bad side. I'll yell at you later, when I can do it in person. Still, thanks for the disclaimer, but I like being bothered.

Okay, interesting developments. Stupid human with his dependence on technology. I liked the further explanations of the "superstitions" and magic of the alien culture. Funny how we always see aliens as barbaric and savage, yet sometimes it is us who are the barbarians. I look forward to seeing where you're going to take this.
12/1/2002 c2 10Patrick Gillespie
Another good start. I like the imagery you’ve been using so far (ex: opening paragraphs for both chapters). The second chapter did seem a bit odd, but it wasn’t the bad kind of odd.
11/29/2002 c2 14Antithesis
Nice... I do like the language bit. I'm curious as to what will happen next; has a conflict been introduced yet? Or is this still exposition? And what role will Summerhill play...?

Don't answer those. Unless they're in the next chapter ;-)
11/27/2002 c2 27Electra Fairford
Yay, a new chapter! sorry it's taken me this long to review, this is good!

so...very, very well written, and the alien language especially (it holds together throughout, which not many people can pull off with invented languages)

just a word of warning, try not to have so many people identified by only their titles, especially in a different language, it tends to get confusing after a while if you intend these people to be important

but I wanna steal the language! aaah! don't eat me!
11/24/2002 c2 30Daily Judas
You MUST continue this work - it is excellent so far. I have never before found myself so quickly immersed in a fictional world. The emphasis on mysticism and ritiual quickly creates an extremely powerful, ethos. I am definitely ready to read this story to its completion. The unusual perspective is quite refreshing, and the different ranks and cultural positions mentioned (K'tem-sané, etc.) are excellent inclusions. The "choppiness" is not a problem; in fact, stream of consciousness is no doubt the most effective narrative style you could have used.

Consider revising the chant into poetic form - I think it would lend the powerful words even more force. I am also not entirely sure of what the ritual has accomplished, but I am rather sure this is intentional.

Please continue this work. There are enough unfinished cliffhangers on FF.net already. Go you!
11/20/2002 c2 Pyrus Japonica
Interesting. I tend to not read sci-fi unless it's amusing, but this was very well written. Yes, I've read all DA's stuff, he was so great, sigh. ~PJ
11/20/2002 c2 5The EyE
SWEEEEEEEEEETNESSSSSSSS! *ahem* sorry, i forgot to take my medication today...

Anyhoo, that was excellent. i say that when you finish, you submit it to some printing company and ask that they make it into a book.

And you say that the rest of it won't be like this? That should be quite interesting...

-The EyE
11/20/2002 c2 7Djinnman
very good writing here, I like how you wrote this first person perspective, and thanks for reveiwing my story, part 2 should be up soon
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