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8/18/2007 c1 6UsaTsuko
Dude this is way different than I originally read as well as the revamped version. I'm way off but I am starting to read again, so you can't be too mad at me.

I've been wanting to read this for a while and finally the internet is working for me, yay!

By the way I do like this chapter, but I still miss that alarm clock, that was priceless. Maybe it appears later?

I needed something to take my wandering mind of my kitty and seeing as I get lost in book and stories when I read them, I thought this would help.

Anyway I shall be moving on.

Love Usa
1/21/2007 c7 Counting Petals
This chapter made me laugh, it was great. Can't wait to read the next one!
1/16/2007 c6 Counting Petals
"Then Tarot noticed something and she felt her macaroni and cheese lurch violently in her stomach." For some reason I don't like the macaroni and cheese reference. You're talking about a battle scene, and then suddenly you bring in a reference to a food I eat when I babysit, which is what I started thinking about. The two just don't go together well.

Weapons...I wonder what they need those for? I can't wait to read more!
1/12/2007 c5 Counting Petals
"She tossed her phone into her purse and began to the never- ending search for the pair of shoes she wished to wear." I have that same problem with flip flops and nail polish. Neither of which you can never have enough of, by the way.

Wow. What a good friend Blouse is. Not. I'm so glad Merkaydi went off on her.
1/8/2007 c4 Counting Petals
"What if I don’t want to be apart of this tapestry? What if I want to a thread to something less boring, less esoteric? I want to be the thread to a Yo-Yo! That could be fun." That would be fun. Why can't I just spend my life like that? -pokes scholarship applications-

I love how you can be so serious, and then punctuate it with some random comment. Sometimes this can be a bad thing, but here, it worked.
12/23/2006 c3 Counting Petals
"Conch released her nose feeling silly that she’d grabbed it as if the action would make her nose stop throbbing,"

You've used "nose" twice in this sentence...

“I thought you may be you were since you called him Pops.”

You can take out the first "you" in this sentence.

"a few French fries short of a Happy Meal"

Hahaha, nice.

I like how much we get to know Conch and Spade here. Your characters are developing nicely. :D
12/22/2006 c2 Counting Petals
"Yet Isatul carried the other man as if the man weighed nothing more than a sack of beans."

"Sack of beans" doesn't really tell me much. If you want to convey weight, maybe try something else, like "sack of potatoes". That would probably get through to readers more. Unless I'm just dense or something. I like the exchange with the old woman that follows, though. It makes Isatul seem so carefree, even though he's involved in something bigger, or so it seems so far.

And I love the names, by the way.
12/22/2006 c1 Counting Petals
Hmm. Intriguing. I'm definitely going to have to read more to see where this is going. Keep writing!
7/7/2006 c15 34Skiv
Oh meow meow! Another chapter! Another day! Another chance for Skiv to dance around the house and get strange looks from her cat. *pounce*

I noticed no typos in this one, either you're editing to the T, or I'm loosing my touch, oh dear I do hope it's the first. I'm very proud, hahah. Keep this up and you can have your own typo-nazi badge!

I love this one too, maybe not my favorite chaper, but after a story full of action, and fighting and people randomly popping into second worldsd and stuff, you need a chapter or two of low matnence shopping and arm wrestling, with just a hint of beating up a random perv.

I approve.

Peace,~`Skiv
2/16/2006 c14 Skiv
t was only a short walk from the train station to the nearest city, Chüsen. Spade whistled in appreciation of Chüsen.

Those two sentinces don't really flow. Maybe something more along the lines of "Spade whistled in appreciation of the city."

“I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t really want to risk my life just to gain some time.Is there a safer way?” Conch asked.

Typo, only one quotation mark, hisses...

That stumped Spade. He thought about that for a few moments before speaking once more, “You know, you could beat you self over the head

Beat your self, not you self.

Question, why was the man going to just "leave them be since his purse wasn't on him?" what's that to do with anything?

He was just other the other side of the room, Carefully watching the two men circling him. Suddenly, on of the larger of the two men lunged forward.

Gasp! Two in one typo deal! Carefully is cap'ed after only a comma, and it should be ONE of the larger of the two men, not on.

Suddenly he spun towards the stunned girl and snatched on of the towels she held from her.

One of the towels, not on, heheh.

Arg! Stop the taunting! THE TAUNTING! *dies*

Okay so not dead, hahah, wow, I need soup. Anyway! YOU need soup! And to write more, when this is finished it will totally be my favorite book of all time. Or story, or something. I heart it so. *hugs*

~`Skiv
1/10/2006 c13 Skiv
Why do you do this? Why? Honestly! You write this wonderful story, good, you take it away, bad, you rewrite it, good, but go slowly, bad.

You taunt me my dear, I thought you were better then that.

~`Skiv
10/30/2005 c10 Becky
Just a couple of things.

First, it seemed like there was a big jump between these two lines. "Geirar called out, 'We eat when the smelly one returns.'" and "'So,' Spade finishe their story, 'that's what happened.'"

Second, when you said something about Geirar said, "'Please, you owe me nothing. Recompense for my deed will return to me one day.'" did you mean compensation.
10/30/2005 c9 Becky
I was a little bit confused at the beginning of this chapter. It seemed like it did not connect to chapter 8. Anyway, I'm glad that you got a chance to post again.Talk to you later.
10/12/2005 c1 9J. Arthur Jones
-jaw drops- That was amazing. You are indeed a very talented writer.
10/12/2005 c12 34Skiv
Merkaydi Clambered in, followed by Spade. Once inside Spade gasped. The insed of the carriage had to be six times larger than the outside dimensions. The wass were laneled with a warm butter colored wood.

~~No need to cap' "Clambered" and wass is supposed to be "walls."

Also the lady in the carriage said she could decifer people by "my" clothing style. *blink blink*

Good to finally see a new chap' though! 'S only been forever y'know! *hug*

~`Skiv
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