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for Price of Perfection

8/6/2006 c1 21Nemesis25
This is pretty good. The imagery is very nice and the dialogue does a lot to further the action. The tone is extremely well emphasized with the falling rain and falling tears and the desperate kisses were a nice touch.

I did feel it was a little overly dramatic at times - somewhat textbook with the rich girl having to chose - but it was nicely written and easy to follow. Careful that you don't switch between past and present tense too much and also, when you format a text on the web, it's easier to follow if you space the paragraphs to avoid the block-paragraph feel.

All in all, a promising piece.
5/17/2005 c1 Eleventh-Lullaby
Woah..

When I was finished reading, my best friend came in crying, I asked him what was wrong, and what he told me sent shivers up my spine. He said "My world has shattered.." this has made me cry. You're a beautiful writer, keep writing, I really loved this.
2/1/2003 c1 1sophiegrace
this is going on my favorites =) you've wrote everything in a way that I can totally feel what she's feeling and I congratulate you on that =) you'll have to do more stories - you'll become famous one day =]
2/1/2001 c1 TradewindVoyager
Well written and emotional tale. And a sad (but all too true) commentary on our society. From one writer to another, good work! Maybe you'll open a few eyes with this story.
1/17/2001 c1 jo
i am crying. wow- that was amazing.
12/20/2000 c1 15Opal Soul
I thought I'd reviewed this, but obviously not. Even through this second reading, I love this. You did a good job of portraying both characters, although we're really only aware of Anna's thoughts. [By the way, thanks for reading my montage! I think you'd be able to write an amazing montage yourself. Besides, writers grow... !]
12/20/2000 c1 1Renee Potter
This story was so touching. I know some kids who would do that just to be perfect.
12/12/2000 c1 10chevere
you need a sequel to this... and she has to go back to him... please? I think it's a great story and very wisely written... I guess more than one person can feel related to it.
11/22/2000 c1 Bread Brain
I'm just blown away. You captured the elegance of young forbidden love in such a captivating way...My God. Someone of your talent should be published. Its heartwarming and heartbreaking in the same instant. I applaud you.
11/16/2000 c1 2starseeker
you should write more. Tell what happens to michael and anna. This is a really good story
11/5/2000 c1 seiahn
Wow, that was an amazing story. It was so filled with passion and emotion. . .you're good.
11/4/2000 c1 Katie Steere
I think that the way the author creates the emotional feelings of Anna is excellent. Her development of the character is one that truly graps the reader and leaves him/her breathless until the last line of the story. The author has also dealt with two major topics (love and social status/image) in our society and worked with them in a way that left me stunned. But the most astouding thing was how the author jumped right into the middle of an important event, giving you every little information about the story, but yet so much at the same time. It was honestly, very captivating.
11/4/2000 c1 louise
wow! This makes me feel so emotional cos I know how she feels, like when u look at someone and they know all ur feelings and thoughts and stuff. This is a really good story, well done!
11/4/2000 c1 13Lani
Wow.. That was so full of emotion. I loved it. I'm a sucker for romance stuff. You got anymore that's like this? I'd love to read it..
11/4/2000 c1 Victoria
Very sad. MAybe you should use this as a prologue and then write some more about Anna and her love... But it was a nice story with nice description of feelings.

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