for Identity Crisis9/13/2006 c15 SunanenoMaike
Dear Star of Day, Thankyousomuch for replying to my rv, really sweet to pm me! On to my 1st review on identity Crisis as your new&loyal reader, hopefullyhelpful?Again, your sentences run smooth as a lump of butter in a hot pan, sizzling!I did find that because of multiple char. I kinda lost touch a little after ch.9 (which was hilarious!) But I was sucked back in round ch14. () Basic char. outlines are great, Maybe try not to introduce any more before tickling us with a lil' bit of background/feelings/pov of your char's. They deserve it & please continue writing IC in such high spirits, I'm dying to see where you'll take us next! THank you again & love, Maaike
Dear Star of Day, Thankyousomuch for replying to my rv, really sweet to pm me! On to my 1st review on identity Crisis as your new&loyal reader, hopefullyhelpful?Again, your sentences run smooth as a lump of butter in a hot pan, sizzling!I did find that because of multiple char. I kinda lost touch a little after ch.9 (which was hilarious!) But I was sucked back in round ch14. () Basic char. outlines are great, Maybe try not to introduce any more before tickling us with a lil' bit of background/feelings/pov of your char's. They deserve it & please continue writing IC in such high spirits, I'm dying to see where you'll take us next! THank you again & love, Maaike
9/29/2005 c15 
7Jerrac
I like it so far! :D
Only thing I noticed is that at first you make the elves out to totally hate killing, but then you have Nightblade killing without a thought... It just seems inconsistent. As for how you could fix that... I dunno. *sheepish grin*
7JerracI like it so far! :D
Only thing I noticed is that at first you make the elves out to totally hate killing, but then you have Nightblade killing without a thought... It just seems inconsistent. As for how you could fix that... I dunno. *sheepish grin*
8/27/2005 c15 Meagan
ur welcome! yay! i saved identity crisis! woot woot 4 me! -sings superman theme- lol
m..kinda short..but still good! cant wait till cahpter 14! if u let kelbreth die...i'll kill u!
ur welcome! yay! i saved identity crisis! woot woot 4 me! -sings superman theme- lol
m..kinda short..but still good! cant wait till cahpter 14! if u let kelbreth die...i'll kill u!
8/27/2005 c15 12Lccorp2
Harr.
Lord Duffikus the Devourer:
Well, it seems that my creator was browsing through the fantasy section, and while he's not too keen on elves, this piqued his interest, and thus I'm here to give the review...
Very good flow of the story. Nothing too ludricous, even for fantasy. Events move in a logical mannter, A leading to b leading to C, no holes which I noticed.
Very good work overall. Starting next chapter, I'll do my best to give a more detailed CC of what I (dis)liked about the chapter, and such. Running the Demonic Planes takes up a huge hunk of my time, so forgive me if it's a bit short.
We have a sweatshop here where we put good writers who don't finish their stories. I've earmarked a spot for you, just in case...
12Lccorp2Harr.
Lord Duffikus the Devourer:
Well, it seems that my creator was browsing through the fantasy section, and while he's not too keen on elves, this piqued his interest, and thus I'm here to give the review...
Very good flow of the story. Nothing too ludricous, even for fantasy. Events move in a logical mannter, A leading to b leading to C, no holes which I noticed.
Very good work overall. Starting next chapter, I'll do my best to give a more detailed CC of what I (dis)liked about the chapter, and such. Running the Demonic Planes takes up a huge hunk of my time, so forgive me if it's a bit short.
We have a sweatshop here where we put good writers who don't finish their stories. I've earmarked a spot for you, just in case...
8/17/2005 c14 Meagan
I love it! I've read everything so far and am DYING to read the rest! I love the way you describe things so well. You've really inspired me to start writing. You're my IDOL! WOT WOT! GO KAT!
You should really publish this or something. I printed out a few chpters for my friends and they are SPEECHLESS! I put it on my website so all of my members could read it. (thats a lot of copying and pasting...) don't worry, I said it was by you. Awsum plot, too! I wish I was creative.
Ah, well...you're probably sick of my rambling...lol...
Meagan was HERE! luvn SOS.that would b my bf of course!
ps-holy mother of god! my feedback is long!
I love it! I've read everything so far and am DYING to read the rest! I love the way you describe things so well. You've really inspired me to start writing. You're my IDOL! WOT WOT! GO KAT!
You should really publish this or something. I printed out a few chpters for my friends and they are SPEECHLESS! I put it on my website so all of my members could read it. (thats a lot of copying and pasting...) don't worry, I said it was by you. Awsum plot, too! I wish I was creative.
Ah, well...you're probably sick of my rambling...lol...
Meagan was HERE! luvn SOS.that would b my bf of course!
ps-holy mother of god! my feedback is long!
3/30/2005 c1 Broken Waiting Angel
ahahah! It's me Mizuki ^-^ I snuck on to do research then got sidetrack to your website. lol ^-^ -claps and jumps around- can you look at my things on fictionpress? ^-^ Since my recent groundings I haven't updated a thing. lol hopefully when I revive my cyber life I can look at all this again. ^-^ note: I ate too many jellybeans. ahahaa...
ahahah! It's me Mizuki ^-^ I snuck on to do research then got sidetrack to your website. lol ^-^ -claps and jumps around- can you look at my things on fictionpress? ^-^ Since my recent groundings I haven't updated a thing. lol hopefully when I revive my cyber life I can look at all this again. ^-^ note: I ate too many jellybeans. ahahaa...
1/23/2005 c14 4Shattered Katana
Not enough reviews for this chapter so I'll add one in too. Took ya long enough to write it :p. AND you left it as a cliffhanger for the last chapter. At least you finally got it up. Hehe, I liked the new chapter ^^.
4Shattered KatanaNot enough reviews for this chapter so I'll add one in too. Took ya long enough to write it :p. AND you left it as a cliffhanger for the last chapter. At least you finally got it up. Hehe, I liked the new chapter ^^.
1/18/2005 c14 KaytalinPlatt
Whoa! Sorry it took me so long. I hardly ever answer my mail any more unless I'm expecting an e-mail. Hehe. Anyway! Loved the chapter and hope to read more. I need to buckle down on my own righting. I just have too many ideas going through my head. lol.
Whoa! Sorry it took me so long. I hardly ever answer my mail any more unless I'm expecting an e-mail. Hehe. Anyway! Loved the chapter and hope to read more. I need to buckle down on my own righting. I just have too many ideas going through my head. lol.
11/4/2004 c13 22silverheart121
great chapter!
consider yourself lucky with the roomate...my friends have access to my account...they change my profile every other week...interesting little details including my profession
22silverheart121great chapter!
consider yourself lucky with the roomate...my friends have access to my account...they change my profile every other week...interesting little details including my profession
8/30/2004 c12 16RuathaWehrling
YEA! A new chapter! :) Glad to hear that you're back up and writing again! Here are some thoughts and comments:
~
1.) "Be Care-" - "care(ful)" probably doesn't need to be capitalized.
2.) Nice description of the healing process.
3.) "It was, after all, only five in the morning" - Ugh. Morning people need to DIE!
4.) "Era", "Key of the Ages"... Very nice choice of compatable names! And good, informative dialogue in this section as well.
5.) "his ebon skin sweating " - "ebony"?
6.) "mastering the Kinra." - Here you capitalize it, but later you don't. Be consistant!
7.) "the golden orb exploded in his mind and slowly, slowly receded into a dull throb" - Maybe add "then" after the comma (or something equivalent)?
8.) "You transferred your pain to him" - Interesting...
9.) I like Soran's ending line.
~
Excellently written, as usual! It's always such a pleasure to read your story.
Take care,
Ruatha
16RuathaWehrlingYEA! A new chapter! :) Glad to hear that you're back up and writing again! Here are some thoughts and comments:
~
1.) "Be Care-" - "care(ful)" probably doesn't need to be capitalized.
2.) Nice description of the healing process.
3.) "It was, after all, only five in the morning" - Ugh. Morning people need to DIE!
4.) "Era", "Key of the Ages"... Very nice choice of compatable names! And good, informative dialogue in this section as well.
5.) "his ebon skin sweating " - "ebony"?
6.) "mastering the Kinra." - Here you capitalize it, but later you don't. Be consistant!
7.) "the golden orb exploded in his mind and slowly, slowly receded into a dull throb" - Maybe add "then" after the comma (or something equivalent)?
8.) "You transferred your pain to him" - Interesting...
9.) I like Soran's ending line.
~
Excellently written, as usual! It's always such a pleasure to read your story.
Take care,
Ruatha
8/18/2004 c1 2Dyyla Joi
Whew! THis is an awesome story. Really detailed, and it makes a lot of sense (unlike mine, right?)XD Anyway, I plan on reading more, but my mom is telling me to get off. Bye! And thank you so much for reviewing my story. It was greatly appreciated. I'm almost done with the next ch yay!
2Dyyla JoiWhew! THis is an awesome story. Really detailed, and it makes a lot of sense (unlike mine, right?)XD Anyway, I plan on reading more, but my mom is telling me to get off. Bye! And thank you so much for reviewing my story. It was greatly appreciated. I'm almost done with the next ch yay!
8/14/2004 c12 KaytalinPlatt
Hehe I know what you mean by chances to write! I have a web site that I work on with some friends it's an RP web site, and school, and writers block and well the list could go on. Hope you up date soon because I REALLY wanna know what happens next! Until then! I must wait...
Hehe I know what you mean by chances to write! I have a web site that I work on with some friends it's an RP web site, and school, and writers block and well the list could go on. Hope you up date soon because I REALLY wanna know what happens next! Until then! I must wait...
3/12/2004 c11 16RuathaWehrling
Aha! A new chapter! :) Someone's been busy!
1.) I like the info about Druids and semi-talking animals.
2.) "Tenseirod knew this reversal was intentional, and for this reason he constantly worried that she was hiding her phantoms in the back of her mind, like a cancer that would not make itself known until it had already caused irreparable damage." I really like this analysis. Well done!
3.) After the Orcs' attack, you say Kelbreth was "clasping his gory longsword at his side". But didn't he just THROW that sword? If not, clarify that he has two weapons.
4.) Typo: "singeing stone" Or, at least I THINK it's spelled wrong. It looks funny, in any case.
5.) Fennis seems interesting. And I REALLY like the way his mom kicked him ut of the house (very practical of her!)
Daystar, as always, it's a true PLEASURE reading your story. After the last few stories I've read (and done MUCH commenting and grammatical correcting on) on fictionpress, yours is a welcome relief! Thank you so much! :)
16RuathaWehrlingAha! A new chapter! :) Someone's been busy!
1.) I like the info about Druids and semi-talking animals.
2.) "Tenseirod knew this reversal was intentional, and for this reason he constantly worried that she was hiding her phantoms in the back of her mind, like a cancer that would not make itself known until it had already caused irreparable damage." I really like this analysis. Well done!
3.) After the Orcs' attack, you say Kelbreth was "clasping his gory longsword at his side". But didn't he just THROW that sword? If not, clarify that he has two weapons.
4.) Typo: "singeing stone" Or, at least I THINK it's spelled wrong. It looks funny, in any case.
5.) Fennis seems interesting. And I REALLY like the way his mom kicked him ut of the house (very practical of her!)
Daystar, as always, it's a true PLEASURE reading your story. After the last few stories I've read (and done MUCH commenting and grammatical correcting on) on fictionpress, yours is a welcome relief! Thank you so much! :)
3/7/2004 c11 1Monion
Wow, looking good. Sorry I've been MIA for, oh almost a year, lol. Your writing seems to be improving in terms of grammar and pacing, and I've always liked your penchant for tossing in humourous aspects, helps keep the serious parts more serious.
I thought the anniversary special was hilarious, and I actually got the reference :P
There's one thing that I noticed, and it bothers me, but this is just my opinion, but at times you don't put a paragraph break when you move to someone else talking it gets really confusing. Usual practice is when you move to a different person speaking to make a new paragraph (and yes, this does lead to really long sections of really short paragraphs if you have an entirely dialogue section, 'tis normal ^_^).
Really good so far. Quite intrigued on what the deal is with the stone and the sword.
Two thumbs up ^_^
1MonionWow, looking good. Sorry I've been MIA for, oh almost a year, lol. Your writing seems to be improving in terms of grammar and pacing, and I've always liked your penchant for tossing in humourous aspects, helps keep the serious parts more serious.
I thought the anniversary special was hilarious, and I actually got the reference :P
There's one thing that I noticed, and it bothers me, but this is just my opinion, but at times you don't put a paragraph break when you move to someone else talking it gets really confusing. Usual practice is when you move to a different person speaking to make a new paragraph (and yes, this does lead to really long sections of really short paragraphs if you have an entirely dialogue section, 'tis normal ^_^).
Really good so far. Quite intrigued on what the deal is with the stone and the sword.
Two thumbs up ^_^