for Identity Crisis8/21/2003 c7 
22silverheart121
ah...oh great one...your fight scenes make mine look like school yard fist fights...great chap!
22silverheart121ah...oh great one...your fight scenes make mine look like school yard fist fights...great chap!
8/18/2003 c3 silverheart121
ahh a fellow katherine...and half-elves DO rock i'd have to say...well thought out and interesting plot...i can't read all of it yet but i will as soon as i'm done with my new volume
ahh a fellow katherine...and half-elves DO rock i'd have to say...well thought out and interesting plot...i can't read all of it yet but i will as soon as i'm done with my new volume
8/16/2003 c7 1Monion
Wow, I'm impressed. This story is very well done. The detail in it is awesome, and you seem to have sturck a good balance on how much "spotlight time" to give each character. Very impressive. A few things though (and here I get kinda nitpicky, I hope you don't mind, it's all good ^_~):
Chapter 1
-
"I guess that’s just how you are," he laughed to himself. "So, are you going? If you are, let’s go together. I want to get there early this year so I can find a good seat," queried Tenseirod.
"Yeah, I’ll go," she answered.
"Let’s head over now, then. It starts in twenty minutes."
((He wants to go early, but it starts in 20 minutes? Doesn't make sense.))
She was Maiysokat’s age, though she was slightly shorter and her hair was a much lighter blonde (almost white, in fact).
((I dunno, it might be a stylistic preference, but the brackets seem out of place, I think you would be fine with "her hair was a much lighter blonde, almost white."))
They say "Eternal Friendship," replied the shopkeeper. "In ancient times, these were quite commonplace. In the time of the Great War (he was referring to the war between elves and the race now known as dark elves), ..."
((Once again, the parenthesis. You probably could just mention the war between the elves and dark elves as the Great War, or come up with a more distinctive name earlier on in the story))
Chapter 3
-
"I’m going to need my tools," said Kazsht. Xenon had not noticed whether she had survived the poison, but as he looked on her now, she seemed surprisingly relaxed.
"Of course. They will be prepared for you. Lie still while the sedatives wear off. Your things will be ready by the time you can stand," said Nazzt distractedly. "And Mage, I want to talk a bit more about this medicine of yours."
Xenon had not noticed whether Kazsht had survived the poison, but as he looked on her now, she seemed surprisingly relaxed
((You repeat the sentence about Kazsht and surviving, the exact same sentence))
Not many things to really complain about though! I look forward to future installments! Once again, wow!
1MonionWow, I'm impressed. This story is very well done. The detail in it is awesome, and you seem to have sturck a good balance on how much "spotlight time" to give each character. Very impressive. A few things though (and here I get kinda nitpicky, I hope you don't mind, it's all good ^_~):
Chapter 1
-
"I guess that’s just how you are," he laughed to himself. "So, are you going? If you are, let’s go together. I want to get there early this year so I can find a good seat," queried Tenseirod.
"Yeah, I’ll go," she answered.
"Let’s head over now, then. It starts in twenty minutes."
((He wants to go early, but it starts in 20 minutes? Doesn't make sense.))
She was Maiysokat’s age, though she was slightly shorter and her hair was a much lighter blonde (almost white, in fact).
((I dunno, it might be a stylistic preference, but the brackets seem out of place, I think you would be fine with "her hair was a much lighter blonde, almost white."))
They say "Eternal Friendship," replied the shopkeeper. "In ancient times, these were quite commonplace. In the time of the Great War (he was referring to the war between elves and the race now known as dark elves), ..."
((Once again, the parenthesis. You probably could just mention the war between the elves and dark elves as the Great War, or come up with a more distinctive name earlier on in the story))
Chapter 3
-
"I’m going to need my tools," said Kazsht. Xenon had not noticed whether she had survived the poison, but as he looked on her now, she seemed surprisingly relaxed.
"Of course. They will be prepared for you. Lie still while the sedatives wear off. Your things will be ready by the time you can stand," said Nazzt distractedly. "And Mage, I want to talk a bit more about this medicine of yours."
Xenon had not noticed whether Kazsht had survived the poison, but as he looked on her now, she seemed surprisingly relaxed
((You repeat the sentence about Kazsht and surviving, the exact same sentence))
Not many things to really complain about though! I look forward to future installments! Once again, wow!
8/15/2003 c2 22silverheart121
great job...we seem to have a common forte...thanks for reviewing my story (new chap fyi) i hope u add to this soon
22silverheart121great job...we seem to have a common forte...thanks for reviewing my story (new chap fyi) i hope u add to this soon
7/14/2003 c1 13Ultimate Chaos XTC
Hey hey, this is a pretty sweet prologue. I really liked the part where the adult elf gave it's life for the half-elf and the other lil girl (was she also a half-elf or a ?) But yea, it was really pimp. You seem to be on the right track, so for right now i have no advice to offer. Believe me, that's a good thing ^_^
13Ultimate Chaos XTCHey hey, this is a pretty sweet prologue. I really liked the part where the adult elf gave it's life for the half-elf and the other lil girl (was she also a half-elf or a ?) But yea, it was really pimp. You seem to be on the right track, so for right now i have no advice to offer. Believe me, that's a good thing ^_^
7/12/2003 c1 Cavan
Just finished reading chapter 5. Everything is really good so far. I really enjoy how the elves are far more complex than the typical vanilla goody goody types.
After reading the last 2 chapters, I have decided upon my favorite character. Soran by far is my favorite. He is the coolest elf I have seen. I dont know why. I guess its because he's the anti-hero.
I have one critism. While this is quite aestetic and completely you choice, I never seen an elf with a pot-belly and a beard. Those seem quite human characteristics. I mention this becuase it leads to some confusion. How do the characters differentiate an elf from a half-elf from a human if not by the ears, heavier build, and facial hair? While I think that the mental similarity between the races is a good thing and I applaud you for that, I think that there needs to be some indentifiable physical differences to seperate the races.
Just finished reading chapter 5. Everything is really good so far. I really enjoy how the elves are far more complex than the typical vanilla goody goody types.
After reading the last 2 chapters, I have decided upon my favorite character. Soran by far is my favorite. He is the coolest elf I have seen. I dont know why. I guess its because he's the anti-hero.
I have one critism. While this is quite aestetic and completely you choice, I never seen an elf with a pot-belly and a beard. Those seem quite human characteristics. I mention this becuase it leads to some confusion. How do the characters differentiate an elf from a half-elf from a human if not by the ears, heavier build, and facial hair? While I think that the mental similarity between the races is a good thing and I applaud you for that, I think that there needs to be some indentifiable physical differences to seperate the races.
7/2/2003 c6 2Chamzel
That whole story was a very fun read, Kat. =) I don't know what all to say besides that it was very well written and described. You must have met the goal you described to me the other day, because I could feel the power very well. I'll be looking out for more as it comes!
2ChamzelThat whole story was a very fun read, Kat. =) I don't know what all to say besides that it was very well written and described. You must have met the goal you described to me the other day, because I could feel the power very well. I'll be looking out for more as it comes!
6/29/2003 c2 Chamzel
That was really long, but I'm glad I could read through the first chapter. =) It was really great how you thoroughly explained everything about the past and present events. The history kind of reminded me about the game Everquest with the different variety of elves, though in the game they didn't hate each other. I'll have to read the other chapters later on so I can catch up on your tale of events, too!
Cheers! =)
That was really long, but I'm glad I could read through the first chapter. =) It was really great how you thoroughly explained everything about the past and present events. The history kind of reminded me about the game Everquest with the different variety of elves, though in the game they didn't hate each other. I'll have to read the other chapters later on so I can catch up on your tale of events, too!
Cheers! =)
6/21/2003 c5 4Shattered Katana
hehe, finally got around to reviewing a story. I enjoyed this chapter. Soran seems like a cool guy. Ah well, keep writing
4Shattered Katanahehe, finally got around to reviewing a story. I enjoyed this chapter. Soran seems like a cool guy. Ah well, keep writing
6/5/2003 c5 Aura - Key Of Twilight
YAY WRITE MORE DAMN YOU! *SHAKES VIOLENTLY* I WANT MORE ACTION! PASSION! BETRAYAL I WANT IT ALL...i also want sushi .
YAY WRITE MORE DAMN YOU! *SHAKES VIOLENTLY* I WANT MORE ACTION! PASSION! BETRAYAL I WANT IT ALL...i also want sushi .
4/2/2003 c2 ashleylenore117
Another awesome chapter!
* chants… “Way to go Kat, Way to go Kat, Way…..”*
Another awesome chapter!
* chants… “Way to go Kat, Way to go Kat, Way…..”*
4/2/2003 c1 ashleylenore117
AAH only the prologue so far and i am already hooked! Way to go Kat!
AAH only the prologue so far and i am already hooked! Way to go Kat!
4/2/2003 c1 Megan
Wow, that is one sad story. I wanna hear what happens next! When shall I discover the next chapter? Oh when oh when?
Wow, that is one sad story. I wanna hear what happens next! When shall I discover the next chapter? Oh when oh when?
3/20/2003 c3 16RuathaWehrling
The plot thickens!
"It was said that in this forest, which was dark even when the sun shone its brightest, only a person possessing great wisdom could discern his shadow on the dark forest floor. Thus, the area obtained the fitting title of "Soulshadow Forest"."
16RuathaWehrlingThe plot thickens!
"It was said that in this forest, which was dark even when the sun shone its brightest, only a person possessing great wisdom could discern his shadow on the dark forest floor. Thus, the area obtained the fitting title of "Soulshadow Forest"."
3/20/2003 c2 RuathaWehrling
The history at the start of this chapter is awesome! :) Here are a few minor suggestions:
Do you want to give the chapters names? Not that it's really NECESSARY, but it might be nice...
How did the appearance of humans "add fuel to the already growing fire of greed for the powerful Elven magic" exactly? I can see how it divided the Elves, but why should that have any impact on their magic?
Excommunication is a religious concept. I think you're looking to "EXILE" the rogue Elves.
The actual first chapter:
Add a paragraph break in "Fine, grow it out, then. I almost beat you that time. You must be getting rusty." "You must be getting better," he said.
The main tree is "several thousand feet" tall? I have difficulty imagining the growth and stability of a mile-high tree...
Do you wish to capitalize "Elf"/"Elves" and "Human"/"Humans" or not? Be consistant, in any case.
:) I'd love to read the rest, because this is really well-written and facinating! But alas, I have to go to work...
Keep writing!
The history at the start of this chapter is awesome! :) Here are a few minor suggestions:
Do you want to give the chapters names? Not that it's really NECESSARY, but it might be nice...
How did the appearance of humans "add fuel to the already growing fire of greed for the powerful Elven magic" exactly? I can see how it divided the Elves, but why should that have any impact on their magic?
Excommunication is a religious concept. I think you're looking to "EXILE" the rogue Elves.
The actual first chapter:
Add a paragraph break in "Fine, grow it out, then. I almost beat you that time. You must be getting rusty." "You must be getting better," he said.
The main tree is "several thousand feet" tall? I have difficulty imagining the growth and stability of a mile-high tree...
Do you wish to capitalize "Elf"/"Elves" and "Human"/"Humans" or not? Be consistant, in any case.
:) I'd love to read the rest, because this is really well-written and facinating! But alas, I have to go to work...
Keep writing!