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for The Seven Lights

7/17/2007 c1 1Enaid
so im going to have to agree with you on the revising of this story it needs quite a bit of help, but its sillyness did make me laugh and smile.

some pointers

~develope the story first. explain why she was the only girl in an all boys school. maybe a chapter of life at school before the introduction of gaiya, and instead of her knowing that something was wrong w/ the Untice guy maybe she can just think that he has a serious problem b/c personally i think it sounds a bit weird.

~conversations are a bit aprupt and everything seems a bit easy for them right now.

i cant wait until you revise it especially if it will improve like i think it will. after read this i think you have improved greatly as a writer and this story will be amazing after the rewrite

**all story improvements are just my opinions and in no way have to be used (obviously) but if you ever want more i would be glad to supply b/c i seem to be able to give advice but not write a story lol.
12/28/2002 c1 DarkMagi
Um... needs improvement
12/7/2002 c2 MEEEE
WE i luv you ambie! i luved this story when i first read it and I love it now!

Signed ((secretly)) CHEROKEE
11/9/2002 c1 2Red Angel777
Sounds like a great story so far. Write some more,please.^_^

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