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for The Firebird

10/31/2006 c10 9labellily
MY LOVE. You're alive! And writing beautifully as ever! I simply ADORE the last sentence. Much like I adore James Bond fantasies, girls being phoenixed, and reading about kissing. And- you know, actually kissing. Which happened to me just now. And then I got reprimanded for writing you a review, rather than working on my schoolwork. BOYFRIENDS. WHAT THE HELL. Anyway.

I guess we'll be waiting for three more years or so before chapter eleven?
8/8/2005 c9 4watergoddess1
This is so exciting! Your story is finally going to get finished, as it should.

Do I really say things like "Yeah, it's cool"? Oh dear.

And wait, that whole last museum part was a daydream/hallucination...right?
8/8/2005 c9 Miss L.B
Now that, Miss K, was something to brag about. I am really, really liking the somewhat blurry distinction between what is real and what isn't- it's always a line that bears exploration, hmm? I can't imagine Becca being relieved by anything she finds out. Seems to me like it doesn't matter whether she finds out if the bird is real or not- that line that she may or may not depend on for reality will be sort of obscured, either way. Or, maybe, I'm just blowing smoke and have no idea what I'm talking about. At any rate, I'm looking forward to another random burst of updation. And, get back online! I want to talk to you about the poems you sent me!
4/2/2005 c8 9labellily
Very nice... But I get the feeling that this "good feeling" won't be lasting long for Miss Becca. Poor kid. I'm very curious to see what you come up with next.
8/22/2004 c8 Devilkitti8
i ORDER you to update! got that. i order it. cuz i'm in charge. you must update. whe!
5/21/2004 c4 MJH
I absolutely agree with her about American history. European history is 20 times better.
Considering all the time spent on foreshadowing, I think this story has the potential to be very good. Most stories rush to the "action"-you make me interested in the character, first.
And you talk about MUSIC! Not some current fad of postmodern pop-rock-but the dead, old, absolutely wonderful composers. And I love the way you describe it-it almost makes me want to pick up the cello and oboe.
"And when he finished, the notes overflowed into the silence, giving it definition and a soft sort of darkness."—great sentence
4/19/2004 c6 16RuathaWehrling
You can always tell when my work isn't going well, because I read whole stories in one sitting... Anyhow.
1.) "Flaming butterflies and murderous birds danced in her doodles for the rest of the day." - Interesting imagery.
2.) Poor Xanadu!
3.) "she didn't notice that the rabbit cage was empty and she filled the late bunny's bowl with alfalfa pellets." - Oh, how very sad. But it's an excellent example of how out of it she is.
4.) Question: wouldn't her parents have noticed that the bunny was dead? And wouldn't they have tried to comfort her?
5.) "At last the food was done..." - So, did the microwave work, or not? Did she put it in the oven? Clarify!
6.) "And with gentle, unwavering determination, she set the blade to her pale wrist." - Eesh! Somebody DEFINITELY needs to keep eyes on this girl!
Well, I've got to head out. But thanks much for the story. I'll finish it later this week, probably. Take care!
4/19/2004 c5 RuathaWehrling
Ok, so obviously I'm not the ONLY one who's impatient for plot... :)
1.) "On a day such as this, one might have hoped that the day would dawn bright and early, bringing sunshine and crisp, cold, blue skies" - HA! Not likely, if it's anything like I'm used to.
2.) So, did her headache disappear after the light/voice/thingie? You might mention something about that.
3.) "a single raindrop came through the window and landed exactly on the candlewick" - Interesting.
4.) "Becca took neither coat nor umbrella with her. She didn't believe in them" - YES! A girl after my own heart!
:) Ok. Now, just keep the plot coming, friend!
4/19/2004 c4 RuathaWehrling
1.) "For someone who had never gotten so much as one B in her life..." - I thought you said in the last chapter that getting A's was hard for her! If that's not what you meant to say, you might want to take a look at it, because it was confusing.
2.) "Speech was a required elective (which is, in the eyes of the high school student, one of the most contradictory oxymorons to be commonly spoken in the English language)" - Touche.
3.) "No one knew why Speech was required. Public speaking skills are great, but is it really necessary to have an entire required class for it?" - Stick to past tense, the whole way through, please.
4.) Eesh. Running in cold weather... The girl has more guts than me. My lungs always freeze!
5.) "...get up early, stay up late, or set her watch alarm for some obscure hour of the morning and get up then to do it" - Aren't choices 1 and 3 the same?
PLOT! PLOT PLOT PLOT! :) Seriously, though, you need to let people know what kind of story this is, or they're going to stop reading. Just fyi.
4/19/2004 c3 RuathaWehrling
:) And another chapter...
1.) "That same spaghetti had taken the designs of the floor tiles last year when it spilled." - I think you mean "off", not "of", right? Because, otherwise, I was REALLY confused when I read this sentence.
2.) "Oh, goody, thought Becca, Art, my favorite" - You may want to put quotes around her thoughts, since you're writing the story in 3rd person.
3.) Wow. There are usually wierd people in art classes, but two singers in one class?
4.) "Xanadu" - Excellent name for a rabbit!
5.) "first chair cellist's idiosyncratic head bob" - HAHA! We had a first clarinet whose eyebrows went wild like this.
6.) "She broke out of her reverie and wet her reed" - Stupid though it may sound, I believe the past tense is "wetted" here.
Thanks again for the story.
4/19/2004 c2 RuathaWehrling
Hey again!
1.) "I mean honestly, snow in October?" - Hehe. I'm from Wisconsin... Yup. It happens! Besides, it's November 1, right?
2.) "Have you ever heard of a marching tympani?" HAHAHAHA! Seriously, I know I'm a band nerd, but I'm laughing my head off at the thought of it... Though, you realize, they DO use them in marching band PITS, right? ;-)
3.) "He though she was a know-it- all..." Typo. "thought". Also, get rid of that extra space in "kwow-it-all".
4.) "He was a drummer, after all." - HAHAHA! Precisely. They even write the NOTE NAMES in on their bell music! (Trust me - I've played it!)
5.) "Mr. Crague had wrestled him on the sidewalk while the cheerleaders ran for help" - hehe. This whole chapter is quite entertaining.
Well, it's definitely entertaining and your characterization is wonderful. But what's the PLOT? Come on, friend! Let's get a-moving! :)
4/19/2004 c1 RuathaWehrling
Hey there! Thanks for your review. I don't usually do much poetry ("Cumulous" was an exception), so I'm going to take a look at your story now. My thoughts follow, in the order they come to me as I read:
1.) I love how you describe her instruments. My sisters and I all play various instruments, and they each have their own personality, as you say.
2.) "for once she was not cursed with a candy hangover" - Hehe!
3.) "Such a fitting song for such a girl on such a day, Becca thought to herself..." - The "such a girl" part sounds kind of funny here. I think that if I was thinking about myself it would be more like "a girl like me" or something. *shrug* Personal preference, perhaps, but it sounds awkward as is.
Very nice. I really like how well you describe Becca. You've made her very human. Fairly ordinary, but with good live spunk hiding underneath! Excellent.
12/24/2003 c8 Leila
11/30/2003 c8 4watergoddess1
AIE! Ah yes, cute red-headed boys. I'm so glad that you wrote a new chappy! And it's all happy! Something else is going to go horribly wrong, isn't it. Oy. But yes. Lovely lovely lovely. Always.
11/28/2003 c8 Devilkitti8
i remember those ugly lockers. so is Bryan based on someone? like ZACH! *giggles while running for cover* hm...? "but why does it seem like I know him?" cuz you LOVE him! *giggles hysterically* presque vu. she's horny. ya huh. *nods emphatically* she is. what's a sumac? aw... it was so sweet! he was all akward, and it was prolly cute. it was cute in my mind. *glares at anyone who didn't think it was cute* UPDATE! yay!
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