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for Double Personality: The Begining of the End

11/13/2006 c1 3Master Hyde
it good can't wait to see what happens next.i lkied the prologe

alot.
5/2/2006 c1 1lamp
hehe im interestedi was a bit confused at the start but its all clear nowupdate soon
10/23/2005 c1 Jilted Eve
Master Goldenpaw,

This is a very well done story, though one thing is it would be nice if you put more detail and emotion into the story, like for example let's take Nightriders death:

"But it was too late. The soldier ahead of the rest threw a small bomb. Nightglider grabbed Goldenpaw tossing her out of the way, and at the same moment, was hit in the chest."

You could add that maybe he cries out in pain, and that Goldenpaw cries out to him

Now for this part:

Goldenpaw cried out, "No! Nightglider!" as she ran to him.

"She saw the wound. Kneeling down to the suffering wolf, she poured tears. (First her family, her home and now this? Now she would have to travel alone...) Everything seemed to stop. (As the battle raged on around them and Nightrider struggled to live)

"Here, Take this Goldenpaw. Now go to the cave." He informed.

"I'm not leaving you." (She sobbed helplessly, "I'm not going without you" )

"Goldenpaw… you must. For our world." Nightglider replied as his breath left him. (And the black wolf fell limp and cold, forever unmoving and still...(Nightrider had died for her...)

The things in brackets are the things i suggest you put in to have more detail and give us readers more to read!

Im going to put this on my favourites and wait for the update!

Hope that helps!

- AnimalWriter1
4/1/2005 c1 jess
cool story keep wrighting
3/15/2005 c1 Arandell
You have awesome, original ideas, but you have some grammar and spelling errors. Great job so far, though! :)
12/4/2004 c1 25WolfLore
I really like your word choice in this story, and the plot's nice too! Keep going!
8/25/2003 c1 Silver Hunter
I really like it, i think that you should go into a littlr more detail but i really lik it!

~Ashley~

P.S. if you like to rp, im me, or e-mail me

AmericanGirlSix
8/7/2003 c1 2Storm Call
Not bad. Please update this soon.
5/16/2002 c1 TigerzAngel
Very, very good! Please continue! You must finish! I must know what happens next! What will happen to Jacquillin? Josh?
2/13/2001 c1 Gaden Phoenix
Review no.6: Pls write more, this is to short to form a opinion on the plot, but your writing is good.
11/18/2000 c1 10chevere
I can review you 20 times if you want! Just keep going. Keep writting! Just one question... when did you read my mind? WHEN? I demand an answer (you can e-mail me at Please do! pleeeease e-mail me). I'm working on a fic that is practically the same thing you have here, EVEN THE BOY! EVEN THE "MASTER"! (or at least I think so). And it's not only that. I can't say it in a review, so please **stands on her knees** e-mail me!.
11/7/2000 c1 6Michael O'Hare
You did make a couple of grammatical errors, but, aside from that, you have a good handle on the story. You have managed to make me curious about what is going to happen. But, for Pete's sake! Don't write according to how many reviews you get! If you want to keep writing this, then keep writing it, for God's sake!
11/7/2000 c1 4Master Goldenpaw
All right. If I continued the story, the humans are found to be good. And, I will continue it on even though I don't have the ten reviews. I've had some e-mails from friends and such. So, The next 3 chapters should be on some time this week.

~ash~author
11/7/2000 c1 Rose
I don't do review much un less the story is worth it so write the rest.
11/7/2000 c1 1M. Ryan Casner
Why aren't humans ever the good guys in these stories?

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