for Memories of The Past6/14/2003 c1 
1Kawaii Bunny
That was very good. I really liked
the last lines,
Do not think,
That no one will be affected,
By your death,
Or the death of the man on your sword,
Because someone,
Somewhere,
Will.
1Kawaii BunnyThat was very good. I really liked
the last lines,
Do not think,
That no one will be affected,
By your death,
Or the death of the man on your sword,
Because someone,
Somewhere,
Will.
5/10/2003 c10 1aleppine
I like this, it doesn't have the 'beware, world, beware children, these are my words of wisdom' attitude. You're right, it doesn't fit in the series (and if I were you I'd dissolve the series or at least separate out some of the contents, like this one.) But the theme of spying is excellent, a little internal spy; has a slightly sinister ring to it, even if the ultimate goal of the spy is to do some sort of good. Also, it is very informative about the writer.
Someone who will admit that their life is in fact full of luxuries etc compared to other people's lives ... that's refreshing. I like this a lot because it's not 'Oh, my life is so crap, blah blah', but confesses to both the good and bad sides. Great work. I hope these reviews have been helpful, if not good mood material. Keep on writing!
1aleppineI like this, it doesn't have the 'beware, world, beware children, these are my words of wisdom' attitude. You're right, it doesn't fit in the series (and if I were you I'd dissolve the series or at least separate out some of the contents, like this one.) But the theme of spying is excellent, a little internal spy; has a slightly sinister ring to it, even if the ultimate goal of the spy is to do some sort of good. Also, it is very informative about the writer.
Someone who will admit that their life is in fact full of luxuries etc compared to other people's lives ... that's refreshing. I like this a lot because it's not 'Oh, my life is so crap, blah blah', but confesses to both the good and bad sides. Great work. I hope these reviews have been helpful, if not good mood material. Keep on writing!
5/10/2003 c9 aleppine
A nice little poem in itself, but again a little reminiscent of 'depression'. Nice work anyway.
A nice little poem in itself, but again a little reminiscent of 'depression'. Nice work anyway.
5/10/2003 c8 aleppine
I love the idea of peace being a preface. Yep, it's such an over-used misunderstood cheap facade we hide behind, isn't it? And the law, too. Until they know better, people have this thing about the law being what distils wrong from right, and the ultimate judge. Our whole society is built upon law. Then we discover that even this law is a corrupt mess that was never as supreme as we believed and won't be the help we want to rely on, and then everything just collapses.
Excellent idea, glad you wrote it.
I love the idea of peace being a preface. Yep, it's such an over-used misunderstood cheap facade we hide behind, isn't it? And the law, too. Until they know better, people have this thing about the law being what distils wrong from right, and the ultimate judge. Our whole society is built upon law. Then we discover that even this law is a corrupt mess that was never as supreme as we believed and won't be the help we want to rely on, and then everything just collapses.
Excellent idea, glad you wrote it.
5/10/2003 c7 aleppine
This starts off a little despairing, then changes tone dramatically. Personally, I didn't like this one as much, because it seemed a little like an echo of some of the previous works and also was somewhat lacking in emotion, coming off as a half-hearted message. But the idea is good, and a really good poem is lurking behind this version of things. A few spelling errors. I'd retain the idea, scrap some of the cliched parts and rewrite it using more colourful language.
This starts off a little despairing, then changes tone dramatically. Personally, I didn't like this one as much, because it seemed a little like an echo of some of the previous works and also was somewhat lacking in emotion, coming off as a half-hearted message. But the idea is good, and a really good poem is lurking behind this version of things. A few spelling errors. I'd retain the idea, scrap some of the cliched parts and rewrite it using more colourful language.
5/10/2003 c6 aleppine
I like the meaning in this, that depression is a realm you despair in once you've crossed the boundary of hope. Hm. Interesting idea.
I like the meaning in this, that depression is a realm you despair in once you've crossed the boundary of hope. Hm. Interesting idea.
5/10/2003 c4 aleppine
This is the best one so far, methinks ... I really enjoyed the repetition you've used of 'You did it for a reason, I know you did, but why ...' I LOVE UNPUNCTUATED WORK. It really adds to the infinite feel of a poem (I am not going to explain what 'infinite feel' is, I'm not sure I know either)
Stabbing someone in the gut - I like the sound of that. As poetry, I mean, not as an action.
This is the best one so far, methinks ... I really enjoyed the repetition you've used of 'You did it for a reason, I know you did, but why ...' I LOVE UNPUNCTUATED WORK. It really adds to the infinite feel of a poem (I am not going to explain what 'infinite feel' is, I'm not sure I know either)
Stabbing someone in the gut - I like the sound of that. As poetry, I mean, not as an action.
5/10/2003 c3 aleppine
'The ripping as you soul leaves you body...' - I've always had this feeling about death, too ... apparently, the angel of death comes and pulls your soul out feet first. (Don't ask me how I know this, hehe. I don't converse with dead people or anything.) Some great imagery. But one suggestion, and it might just be me - I wouldn't use so many commas, you have one at the end of almost every line, unless there's a full stop instead. It breaks up the flow of the poem a little too much, so it might be an idea to get rid off any commas that you wouldn't have insrted had this been a piece of pros, for example.
One other thing - a series of poems is a great idea, but if you want more reviews, maybe you should separate the poems into individual pieces of work. People are more likely to review that way (people are too lazy to click 'next chapter'; they'd rather move onto a next poem. I know. It's another one of those flaws in the communal logic of our species.)
'The ripping as you soul leaves you body...' - I've always had this feeling about death, too ... apparently, the angel of death comes and pulls your soul out feet first. (Don't ask me how I know this, hehe. I don't converse with dead people or anything.) Some great imagery. But one suggestion, and it might just be me - I wouldn't use so many commas, you have one at the end of almost every line, unless there's a full stop instead. It breaks up the flow of the poem a little too much, so it might be an idea to get rid off any commas that you wouldn't have insrted had this been a piece of pros, for example.
One other thing - a series of poems is a great idea, but if you want more reviews, maybe you should separate the poems into individual pieces of work. People are more likely to review that way (people are too lazy to click 'next chapter'; they'd rather move onto a next poem. I know. It's another one of those flaws in the communal logic of our species.)
5/10/2003 c1 aleppine
This is a good poem, and I totally agree with the content. It has a slightly old feeling to it - the gold coins, the 'women' etc mentioned - and brings to mind thoughts of pirates and rome and england-france battles rather than just guns, politics and weapons of the wars of this age. Excellent. Glad you liked 'in shade and toxic silence'; hopefully will post a chapter or so tonight.
Oh, look, it's a series of poems ...
This is a good poem, and I totally agree with the content. It has a slightly old feeling to it - the gold coins, the 'women' etc mentioned - and brings to mind thoughts of pirates and rome and england-france battles rather than just guns, politics and weapons of the wars of this age. Excellent. Glad you liked 'in shade and toxic silence'; hopefully will post a chapter or so tonight.
Oh, look, it's a series of poems ...
5/9/2003 c1 Kilam
Those are so awsome!
Those are so awsome!
12/11/2002 c1 Mina
Wonderful poem. Write some more puh-lease! ^_^
Wonderful poem. Write some more puh-lease! ^_^