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for The Dragon's Tear

1/10/2004 c6 Iren Masot
Um... well... things happen kind of too fast and... um...
heylookitsmichaljackson!
*runs away*
9/12/2003 c28 I am Gone
Now this is just cool.There just aern't enougn stories about dragons out there and this is a relaly good one.
9/6/2003 c2 7Fans'R Us
Arg! A cliff hanger. This is good, but I'm a bit confused. Are those Dragon Wars something you made up, because I've read something where someone wrote a story about Dragon Wars and said 'I don't any of this.'

This is good though. I've been reading too many stories where the dragon isn't that bad (and writing them). So this was sort of an awakening on how terrible they truly are.

So good job, and I'll have to continue reading this. But I did find one error, that doesn't make sense.

'He found it utterly boring, for none of the items were of interest to him and those that were were too expensive, not to mention the fact that his brother would run all over the store crazily.' And those that were too expensive what? So just explain on that, but other than that, really good.

So if you have the time, could you review one of my stories? Thanks in advance!
8/16/2003 c3 30Silverfire Starr
Ahh that's really sad about Jared. And this is so good!

Well I won't leave a review every chapter now, since this is obviously well edited and done.

s.s
8/15/2003 c2 Silverfire Starr
This is so cool! Great job on this chapter!

I'll be reading more,

s.s
5/27/2003 c28 6Lyra skywalker
Oh, really good! keep up! :)
5/20/2003 c28 Sj-angelgirl
really good, keep going!
5/19/2003 c2 187Andaren
Wow, I'm impressed! I especially like the character's dialogue...I often have trouble making my character's speeches sound believable!

Your characters are increadibly clear...I can see a really good storyline developing!

I only have time to read the first chapter right now, but I'll be sure to read the rest of it soon :) keep going and good luck with your writing.
5/18/2003 c23 1Sweet Neko
Very good me liked ^_^ I really can't wait for more.. How in the heck did paul heal? I really want to know. and Charile is pretty cool! And so is Paul! I love the whole group. later

~ Sweet Neko
5/18/2003 c5 K'Arthur
To others...yes, I'm hard on Xero, but being hard on a writer is the best thing you can do for them :)

1. Wait...building, room in a forest...huh? Maybe a woodcutter's hut or something like that? Description...description...details...details...

2. Paul is going on a tour after learning that Katie knows at least something about his brother? Maybe do the tour BEFORE he meets Katie and Lion.

3. The adverbs! "...looked at his stomach strangely." How about "...touched his stomach in disbelief." And...maybe he should realize that he's not impaled a bit earlier?

4. Explanation of the forest was what I was expecting, but Paul not being fully pure of heart I was not. Interesting twist on an old thing.

5. The mystery man would be more mysterious if his description didn't come like a police blotter...

6. Paul's retort to the mystery man about Nexus not being his pet was great :)

7. A bit more drama/description around the revelation that Paul is the Lunar Dragon, please? What is the Lunar Dragon? Is it something Nexus or the others is/are familiar with?

8. Word choice of "pray tell" from Paul. Nu-huh. Out of character for our dear trash talking chap.

(Remember, the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug...thanks, Mark Twain)

Tag, you're it. :)
5/18/2003 c4 K'Arthur
Here we go again :) First, remember, I gave you a shot of exposition...we're getting some here. Not much, but some. That's good!

1. These words? Try 'the' word for more 'ooph.' The kid has just realized he's been poisioned. Give it a second to sink in, and hit us with the 'definitive' word 'the.'

2. Describe the forest, please. Tall trees? Trees that move? Smells? Paul's in a strage place...let us all enjoy it!

3. Nexus and Paul...find other ways to define who's who b/c using their names over and over does get repetitive. How about 'the young man' the 'giant' or just good old pronouns? :)

4. Whoa. The woman saw Jared alive? Please let Paul react to that some more!

5. The woman has spunk. I like her. The exchange between her and the wolf worked for me.

6. Paul's exit seems too much of an anticlimax...and there was no resolution to his poisoned situation. How is he feeling? Maybe give us some information on how to cure the poision?
5/17/2003 c12 33Dean R. Winters
Finally got around to reading some of this, not all of it-but enough of it to know it looks pretty good. Alot more organized than most of my own stories. I may try to read a little more over time, and if I find anything especialy good-i'll give you another review.
5/17/2003 c3 K'Arthur
Karthur's pointers:

1. Have Paul 'think' his thoughts by putting them in italics. Using quotes confused me the first time through.

2. Spell out all numbers in prose, please!

3. _How_ did Paul stop the giant?

4. "grinned nervously" put your adverbs behind the word they are modifying.

5. Did Nexus kill the dragon? That didn't seem clear to me.

6. The underwear joke was cute, but maybe move it until AFTER the action has subsided...you don't want to take away from that.

7. Nexus seems like an odd name, but I like it.

8. Paul's immaturity is annoying. The tongue-sticking out nonsense does nothing for his character. If you want me to like him, please, make him likable.

9. Speed...again, it all comes too fast. Maybe dedicate this chapter to the dragon fight and move the 'five days later' to another? Give Paul some time to mourn Jared...one cliched sentence isn't enough.

Again, as I said before, it needs work, but it has potential.

Tag. You're it.
5/17/2003 c2 Sun Rose Fox
agh!
5/17/2003 c1 Sun Rose Fox
very good start ;)
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