for Liadan and Easbalair4/23/2003 c2 crazygurlhyper13
It's good but I think you should. Switch back to first person narrative, it flows better that way. Gotta go and I can't wait for the next chapter, Em
It's good but I think you should. Switch back to first person narrative, it flows better that way. Gotta go and I can't wait for the next chapter, Em
4/8/2003 c2 tiffany
how come you never write another chapter? :) i really like it! i hope you write another chapter!
how come you never write another chapter? :) i really like it! i hope you write another chapter!
3/10/2003 c2 
4Skylla
I like the fact that Liadan seems to be a princess that is receiving a little bit of an "eye-opener" about the state of her kingdom. Maybe you could expand on that? It seems like an idea to build on.
4SkyllaI like the fact that Liadan seems to be a princess that is receiving a little bit of an "eye-opener" about the state of her kingdom. Maybe you could expand on that? It seems like an idea to build on.
1/25/2003 c1 pretend ff
ok, this kind of story isn't really my type of thing, but sort i'd comment on the writing style. hope this all helps!
1) a tendancy to use too much 'everyday modern talking' mixed in the speech. the character's are not suppose to be like us, right?
2) overuse of the word 'scrabble'. it's a small detail, but it all adds to the readers sense of imagination if different descriptive words are used. otherwise it could get repetitive.
3) am not sure if this is intended, but your tenses appeared a little mixed up. for example, in the second paragraph you are writing from Liadan's perspective, as if he was actually writing, yes? you should maybe have used 'This is isn't happening' rather than 'This wasn't happening'.
This is all just my opinion, so just take it with a pinch of salt if you disagree with what i've said! x
ok, this kind of story isn't really my type of thing, but sort i'd comment on the writing style. hope this all helps!
1) a tendancy to use too much 'everyday modern talking' mixed in the speech. the character's are not suppose to be like us, right?
2) overuse of the word 'scrabble'. it's a small detail, but it all adds to the readers sense of imagination if different descriptive words are used. otherwise it could get repetitive.
3) am not sure if this is intended, but your tenses appeared a little mixed up. for example, in the second paragraph you are writing from Liadan's perspective, as if he was actually writing, yes? you should maybe have used 'This is isn't happening' rather than 'This wasn't happening'.
This is all just my opinion, so just take it with a pinch of salt if you disagree with what i've said! x
1/24/2003 c1 Soronume de Laiquendi
Hello fellow Lotr fan!
Just so you know im an American, but I have many Irish roots. I've recently read a fantasy bookseries that took place in Ireland, called the Sevenwaters Trilogy. The second book, which is my favourite, is about a girl named Liadan. So when I was scrolling thru for stories and i saw that name, naturally, i read this cahpter. The story seems really interesting so far, and i was hoping you would finish it. throughout the chapter, you included gaelic words, and i guess that means you're fluent in the language. umm.. i guess you could say that another of my obssessions is learning how to speak Gaelic, so I was wondering what those words meant. all right, i guess I'll leave you alone, and stop my babbling, you probably have better things to do. Good story- keep writing it! oh yeah, i fully agree on that whole Tolkien being a genius thing. If only my friends could realize it too;}
Hello fellow Lotr fan!
Just so you know im an American, but I have many Irish roots. I've recently read a fantasy bookseries that took place in Ireland, called the Sevenwaters Trilogy. The second book, which is my favourite, is about a girl named Liadan. So when I was scrolling thru for stories and i saw that name, naturally, i read this cahpter. The story seems really interesting so far, and i was hoping you would finish it. throughout the chapter, you included gaelic words, and i guess that means you're fluent in the language. umm.. i guess you could say that another of my obssessions is learning how to speak Gaelic, so I was wondering what those words meant. all right, i guess I'll leave you alone, and stop my babbling, you probably have better things to do. Good story- keep writing it! oh yeah, i fully agree on that whole Tolkien being a genius thing. If only my friends could realize it too;}
1/16/2003 c1 qert
hmmmmmm. not bad...
hmmmmmm. not bad...
1/15/2003 c1 15Jessie L. Star - AKA star123
Oh you must post another chapter..and another...and another...and well I think you get the point. I'm surprised she didn't see them looking so thin and say "Let them eat cake!" Please do write some more it looks very promising!
15Jessie L. Star - AKA star123Oh you must post another chapter..and another...and another...and well I think you get the point. I'm surprised she didn't see them looking so thin and say "Let them eat cake!" Please do write some more it looks very promising!
1/4/2003 c1 lil lucky
It's a good begining, i think it's a love story between liadan&easbalair, but i wonder where are the parents of lianda and will they re-won their throne,whatever, keep writting.
It's a good begining, i think it's a love story between liadan&easbalair, but i wonder where are the parents of lianda and will they re-won their throne,whatever, keep writting.