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10/16/2012 c1 4chatte578
love the ending, three feast upon the Indian guy.
6/7/2004 c1 8Antimony VI Sulphide
sadly, this made me laugh... is that wrong? moving along, well paced, your characters were interesting (especially know-it-all gabe ;D) and twas full of good irony.
10/25/2003 c1 26esotericblood
Hahaha, the ending made me laugh in vampyric glee! :[ ... cool story, awesome ending. It could use a little more description etc, but it still had me at the edge of my seat in suspense. Oh, and nice job on the title, lol
1/12/2003 c1 Jack Bullions
If you're planning a final draft, you will be adding a bit of prose and some descriptions to it, correct? A screenplay needs both and good dialogue for it to flow and make it sound like a story rather than an interview (which is what a transcript is).

Using your "skeleton" analogy... Your story looks good, but it needs the meat (description and scenes) for it to be an effective screenplay.

Good luck.
1/10/2003 c1 52Kaida no Jigoku
hat was an awsome story! ^_~
1/9/2003 c1 AnImus
Genius. *evil laughter*...*cries* I need inspiration...
1/8/2003 c1 102firemounrain
You could always try chapters.

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