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for The Pit of Eternity

4/8/2003 c1 2BirdTamer
I like it. Please look at And You Will Die! my poem collection.
2/13/2003 c1 7Jamino
I like the story, beatifully written. The only problems that i had with it, is that the ending was a bit predictable. I also tend to start my stories in the centre of the action, whereas you begin your stories at the beginning of the adventure, both techniques tend to work quite well. If i were writing this story i would definately write it in an identical fashion, but your formality differs slightly from sentence to sentence. Apart from this, very well written.
2/5/2003 c1 j-brannum
Great story. My only gripe is that the ending was kind of predictable, but that might be a good thing since this story apprently has a moral to it.
2/5/2003 c1 2Caden Torseck
Oh the many things I have gotten myself into without thinking. Great story, great moral.

You've written most of the story in the past tense, which I find very interesting. But parts of it you stray into present tense, which you definately want to fix. The past tense makes it sound rather choppy though. My suggestion would be to make it more like a man telling a story...to give it that past feeling.

Also, if you decide to change it to a more storytelling mood, you should add a bit more about what the man feels about what he thought back then, to show how he's grown For a general example how someone will say, I was such an idiot for doing this and that back then.

Grammar and spelling are perfect (a very nice change as most of the time I pick up several glaring errors).

And the story overall is great. I enjoyed reading it...and wanted to see what this person found. It is true that most people don't look before they leap. Though I wish I could know more about what the man felt.

I am looking forward to reading your other stories and I thank you for your own comments on my story.

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