for The Bend in the river: Spellbound4/14/2003 c4 
5Leah Claire
Um. I don't know what "the Graces" is from. I wouldn't have know it was slightly nicked from someone else...but Hmm. Let me think. *whips out her handy thesaurus*
Well. I just had a bit about the "blessed" in my story. It's not exactly an original title, but it ain't stolen, either. Otherwise, how about using "the graces" only in a different language. Italian? Try Babelfish. I know in German it's: Gnade (pronounced, loosely g-nad-eh). Good luck. You really need to continue.
5Leah ClaireUm. I don't know what "the Graces" is from. I wouldn't have know it was slightly nicked from someone else...but Hmm. Let me think. *whips out her handy thesaurus*
Well. I just had a bit about the "blessed" in my story. It's not exactly an original title, but it ain't stolen, either. Otherwise, how about using "the graces" only in a different language. Italian? Try Babelfish. I know in German it's: Gnade (pronounced, loosely g-nad-eh). Good luck. You really need to continue.
2/28/2003 c2 12SeeYaPancho
Damn, that was good!
The imagery you create is amazing, almost effortless. How long did it take you to write this first part? I know when I try to write something as descriptive as this it takes me an eternity of agonizing over word choice and sentence structure. Heh, maybe you're just a natural.
The mechanics are all pretty much perfect as well, so I got no complaints. Good, good stuff you got going here. Nice job.
12SeeYaPanchoDamn, that was good!
The imagery you create is amazing, almost effortless. How long did it take you to write this first part? I know when I try to write something as descriptive as this it takes me an eternity of agonizing over word choice and sentence structure. Heh, maybe you're just a natural.
The mechanics are all pretty much perfect as well, so I got no complaints. Good, good stuff you got going here. Nice job.
2/25/2003 c1 12LIZEROO
DAMNIT DAMNIT!
my review for chapter 4 was longer than that! ah! well. i continued on to say, that you're probably gonna go on to describe a Angel/Grace later and that was just a question outta curiousity but i didn't get this: did the Graces create the world or somehting? was it jus' me who got that idea?
for names for the graces:
maybe some more obscure synonym for The Wise, or for The Watchers('cause they seem to watch over the rest of the world)
OR The Devine (i like that one)
or The Epyreal (i'm not smart enough to just plain ol' know that word, i looked it up!) it's an adjective relating to the highest and purest region of heaven (according to mr dictionary.com) i think it seems to fit (in my cRaZy lil mind!)
i'm giving you dibs on the word Epyreal, but if you don't like it (i won't be offended -lol) i'm taking it for my very own. I'll find some way to work it into my thing.
yeah. i'm a dork w/far too much free time!
*LIZ*
ps. sorry if the other one DOES end up showing up in it's entirety and ya' end up with twice as much of me torturing you, but it's all. (what did you say in your review of my thing? something about big ugly stupid red fiction press.yeah. and ya commented on it not showing punctuation correctly.) well. it's all fiction press's dumb poopy head fault!
:)
12LIZEROODAMNIT DAMNIT!
my review for chapter 4 was longer than that! ah! well. i continued on to say, that you're probably gonna go on to describe a Angel/Grace later and that was just a question outta curiousity but i didn't get this: did the Graces create the world or somehting? was it jus' me who got that idea?
for names for the graces:
maybe some more obscure synonym for The Wise, or for The Watchers('cause they seem to watch over the rest of the world)
OR The Devine (i like that one)
or The Epyreal (i'm not smart enough to just plain ol' know that word, i looked it up!) it's an adjective relating to the highest and purest region of heaven (according to mr dictionary.com) i think it seems to fit (in my cRaZy lil mind!)
i'm giving you dibs on the word Epyreal, but if you don't like it (i won't be offended -lol) i'm taking it for my very own. I'll find some way to work it into my thing.
yeah. i'm a dork w/far too much free time!
*LIZ*
ps. sorry if the other one DOES end up showing up in it's entirety and ya' end up with twice as much of me torturing you, but it's all. (what did you say in your review of my thing? something about big ugly stupid red fiction press.yeah. and ya commented on it not showing punctuation correctly.) well. it's all fiction press's dumb poopy head fault!
:)
2/25/2003 c4 LIZEROO
lol!
damn! i thought it was another chapter! damn!
so you're gonna keep me waiting? ah! (i'm soo serious i really DO like this, i'm not trying to be nice or anything. i added you to my favs list.)
i wish i could give ya' some criticism, but ya' don't have enough written for me to really pick anything out yet.
actually, i was a bit confused 'bout one lil thing:are the graces the leaders of the angels? what do they look like? (
lol!
damn! i thought it was another chapter! damn!
so you're gonna keep me waiting? ah! (i'm soo serious i really DO like this, i'm not trying to be nice or anything. i added you to my favs list.)
i wish i could give ya' some criticism, but ya' don't have enough written for me to really pick anything out yet.
actually, i was a bit confused 'bout one lil thing:are the graces the leaders of the angels? what do they look like? (
2/25/2003 c3 LIZEROO
oh, so it wasn't over, eh?
lemme read it. one sec.
it's NOT boring. i like it. i jus' can't wait to find out what the hell happened! i think you really are off to a great start.
KEEP WRITING!
*LIZ*
oh, so it wasn't over, eh?
lemme read it. one sec.
it's NOT boring. i like it. i jus' can't wait to find out what the hell happened! i think you really are off to a great start.
KEEP WRITING!
*LIZ*
2/25/2003 c2 LIZEROOtoo darn lazy to sign in
you reviewed my Sky Torn n i'm jus' returning the favor
you be quiet! you're all insecure about if it's good or not (but aren't we all? we can never see what others say is good. i'm tellin' ya'!) but it IS!
i think that that. epilogue thing., or whatever it was, was great and this chapter was written beautifully. The description is really nice! i love the detail!
I also like that you don't say things straight up like, "she was very tall and had brown curly hair and brown eyes", i try not to do that when i describe people too, 'cause it ruins the whole. flow of the paragraph if it's too abrupt, but it's hard sometimes. The way you put it in there was nice.
The wording is. (for lack better words) pretty. It's. smooth and. jus' plain ol' good! :)
Good Job so far! i'm gonna keep on reading!
buh-bye
*LIZ*
you reviewed my Sky Torn n i'm jus' returning the favor
you be quiet! you're all insecure about if it's good or not (but aren't we all? we can never see what others say is good. i'm tellin' ya'!) but it IS!
i think that that. epilogue thing., or whatever it was, was great and this chapter was written beautifully. The description is really nice! i love the detail!
I also like that you don't say things straight up like, "she was very tall and had brown curly hair and brown eyes", i try not to do that when i describe people too, 'cause it ruins the whole. flow of the paragraph if it's too abrupt, but it's hard sometimes. The way you put it in there was nice.
The wording is. (for lack better words) pretty. It's. smooth and. jus' plain ol' good! :)
Good Job so far! i'm gonna keep on reading!
buh-bye
*LIZ*
2/20/2003 c3 5Leah Claire
Hi!
It seems like the parts with Kiera in them are clear-well as clear as a situation like that can be. But the first part with the other characters was a little confusing. Maybe you just more explanation there. The dialogue was fine, just add more information around it, so that we know why they're talking.where they are, precisely, and why it has anything to do with Kiera.
You should definitely keep writing it. Revising is what it's all about.
5Leah ClaireHi!
It seems like the parts with Kiera in them are clear-well as clear as a situation like that can be. But the first part with the other characters was a little confusing. Maybe you just more explanation there. The dialogue was fine, just add more information around it, so that we know why they're talking.where they are, precisely, and why it has anything to do with Kiera.
You should definitely keep writing it. Revising is what it's all about.
2/11/2003 c2 Darma Druid
Dear Scene Eleven,
After having read so many kind words from you and having learned not to drink or eat anything while I'm reading your mails (I almost died TWICE, I'm telling you girl, when I tried to laugh with my mouth full), I could of course never pass the chance of reading YOUR work. And it turned out to be exactly how I expected it to be - fantastic! I love the ideas. And yes, I love the writing. The metaphors and the detailed descriptive style is just how I like it. I hope you'll continue soon enough. I'll be checking on you, girl!
That said, I bow to your talent.
Darma Druid
Dear Scene Eleven,
After having read so many kind words from you and having learned not to drink or eat anything while I'm reading your mails (I almost died TWICE, I'm telling you girl, when I tried to laugh with my mouth full), I could of course never pass the chance of reading YOUR work. And it turned out to be exactly how I expected it to be - fantastic! I love the ideas. And yes, I love the writing. The metaphors and the detailed descriptive style is just how I like it. I hope you'll continue soon enough. I'll be checking on you, girl!
That said, I bow to your talent.
Darma Druid
2/8/2003 c1 1scene eleven
I know, I know, “it’s taboo reviewing your own chapter” and all but LOOKIT!
Me gots FOUR reviews! ME? REVIEWES? WWEEEEEEEEEEE! *does a wee jig*
Ahem… ANYWAYS… For anyone that might care *cough cough*… I haven’t gone into hibernation or anything. I’m just busy doing... well... nothing at the moment, but I’ll soon have the next section of this chapter AND the revised version (I know I’ve already said this in length but… THANK YOU Emer, your advise was JUST SUPER ^_^) of what’s already posted!
1scene elevenI know, I know, “it’s taboo reviewing your own chapter” and all but LOOKIT!
Me gots FOUR reviews! ME? REVIEWES? WWEEEEEEEEEEE! *does a wee jig*
Ahem… ANYWAYS… For anyone that might care *cough cough*… I haven’t gone into hibernation or anything. I’m just busy doing... well... nothing at the moment, but I’ll soon have the next section of this chapter AND the revised version (I know I’ve already said this in length but… THANK YOU Emer, your advise was JUST SUPER ^_^) of what’s already posted!
2/2/2003 c1 15DemonCat 3003
ok, im reveiwing this specifically to annoy mouse. now she cannot reveiw! HAHAHAHAHAHA! o yeah... MOUSE! :p HA!
but its really good. seriously.
-(^~.~^)
15DemonCat 3003ok, im reveiwing this specifically to annoy mouse. now she cannot reveiw! HAHAHAHAHAHA! o yeah... MOUSE! :p HA!
but its really good. seriously.
-(^~.~^)
2/2/2003 c2 DemonCat 3003
AH! MORE! GO GO GO GO GO GO! NOW! Its really good... *jealous* ok, even if u claim ur not funny (which i doubt o.O) this is REALLY good stuff. keep writing. or else... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *snorts* *ahem* well. yes... jk ^ there... i think... !
AH! MORE! GO GO GO GO GO GO! NOW! Its really good... *jealous* ok, even if u claim ur not funny (which i doubt o.O) this is REALLY good stuff. keep writing. or else... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *snorts* *ahem* well. yes... jk ^ there... i think... !
1/21/2003 c2 5Leah Claire
So here I am again.
*criticism*
-In the third paragraph, "wondered" may be the wrong word. Then again, it might be only a matter of opinion, so use your own judgement.
-Small insignificant thing-in the 9th paragraph at "she would suffer if she was to go back", I think you'll want to used "were" instead of "was".
*compliments*
-Usually when someone describes the heroine as having "untamed chestnut curls", I cringe automatically. This time, I didn't. I don't know what you did, but it made it not cringe worthy, so congratulations.
-I don't know, that was pretty exciting. Maybe not an action/adventure movie with sky diving, but it was definitely on the creepy side, and you managed to end it on a little bit of a cliff hanger.
I'll be back when you update!
-Emer
5Leah ClaireSo here I am again.
*criticism*
-In the third paragraph, "wondered" may be the wrong word. Then again, it might be only a matter of opinion, so use your own judgement.
-Small insignificant thing-in the 9th paragraph at "she would suffer if she was to go back", I think you'll want to used "were" instead of "was".
*compliments*
-Usually when someone describes the heroine as having "untamed chestnut curls", I cringe automatically. This time, I didn't. I don't know what you did, but it made it not cringe worthy, so congratulations.
-I don't know, that was pretty exciting. Maybe not an action/adventure movie with sky diving, but it was definitely on the creepy side, and you managed to end it on a little bit of a cliff hanger.
I'll be back when you update!
-Emer
1/21/2003 c1 Leah Claire
Ok, constructive criticism first :)
-watch where you're putting the commas. I only point this out because I do it, too and therefore, am extra annoyed when others do it as it reminds me of my own problems.
-I'm a little confused on what exactly the Seliath are. You said that the Angels departed from earth leaving the Seliath, but then you talked about how the Angels and the Seliath still talked to each other.
-You didn't say why the Seliath needed to leave their safe places in order to survive. Wouldn't logic say that staying in their spell protected settlements make them safer?
* ok, on to the good things*
-First, though this is perhaps a bit cliched like you mentioned, the idea of using Angels as something different than what they're commonly known as is a good and unique idea. Of course, it will also depend on where you go with it, but for now, it's intriguing.
-Second, you write well, especially compared to some others on here who can't be bothered to edit or use a spell checker. Boy how that annoys me. So good job in caring about your work enough to take care of typos!
-Third, I actually DO want to know what happens, so you must be doing something right.
That's all at the moment. I might have more to say at your second chapter. It annoys me when I see stories without reviews, so I usually read them on principle. Some-you can see why they don't have reviews. But others (like yours) are reasonably well-written and definitely better than some of the others with 20 reviews, so I find it strange that no one has reviewed!
Ok, constructive criticism first :)
-watch where you're putting the commas. I only point this out because I do it, too and therefore, am extra annoyed when others do it as it reminds me of my own problems.
-I'm a little confused on what exactly the Seliath are. You said that the Angels departed from earth leaving the Seliath, but then you talked about how the Angels and the Seliath still talked to each other.
-You didn't say why the Seliath needed to leave their safe places in order to survive. Wouldn't logic say that staying in their spell protected settlements make them safer?
* ok, on to the good things*
-First, though this is perhaps a bit cliched like you mentioned, the idea of using Angels as something different than what they're commonly known as is a good and unique idea. Of course, it will also depend on where you go with it, but for now, it's intriguing.
-Second, you write well, especially compared to some others on here who can't be bothered to edit or use a spell checker. Boy how that annoys me. So good job in caring about your work enough to take care of typos!
-Third, I actually DO want to know what happens, so you must be doing something right.
That's all at the moment. I might have more to say at your second chapter. It annoys me when I see stories without reviews, so I usually read them on principle. Some-you can see why they don't have reviews. But others (like yours) are reasonably well-written and definitely better than some of the others with 20 reviews, so I find it strange that no one has reviewed!