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for Cosmic Strife Saga: Alpha Squadron Trilogy

4/21/2003 c11 5Bakedo no Hikage
I tell you, Master Chief, you're very smart for realizing that little fact abour Raeg and the fighters! Not one person noticed that but you. Yes, your questions will be answered, as the good guy IS as bad as the bad guy.

Your story is coming along fairly well. Just the occasional grammar mstakes, but we all do that ya know?

Please continue reading my story, as I will yours!

-Bakedo no Hikage.
4/19/2003 c11 4MiroFTW
good stuff... tho i wanted the ground combat scene, the space battle was nice also. very detailed actions, like the dogfighting and the starcraft battles. the crossbone reminds me alot of the Devastator but it still fell at the end. good job and keep up the good work.
4/15/2003 c1 Eric Sai
Alright, Third chapter the first part of the story, and my single gripe is one thing:

COMMAS! For the love of Jeezebus, COMMAS! I apologize, but this is really hard to read when many of your sentences are annoying run on sentences.

Apart from that, it's pretty good. Kinda confusing in spots, and could use a little grammar/spellchecking in some spots, but hey, still pretty good.
4/15/2003 c10 MiroFTW
good stuff.. can't wait till the cadets face the real life action of ground combat...sounds like an invasion is coming up and im looking foward to more...
4/3/2003 c9 bakedo no hikage
hey, this story is pretty good. I really like it, just the names are kind of wierd...

For some reason the names remind me of Gundam Wing, I dunno why.

Me likes your story, please write more. Nice plot and barely any grammar mistakes.

-Bakedo no Hikage.

PS- could you please read my stories 2986 Escape and Glimpse from the girl? Mainly 2986 Escape.

4/2/2003 c9 MiroFTW
the mysteries of genesis remain a mystery of its weapon cababilities. your dialogue is very reminiscent of the gundam dialogue. still this is good stuff. can't wait till you update..
3/31/2003 c4 4Soichiro X
Wow! A thoroughly original plot, a space-wide back drop (my favorite type by the way), descriptive and detailed action scenes and believable characters...what's not to love? Great job so far (I have to go back to work), but I look forward to finishing it. I even learned a new word, klaxon. Keep it up.
3/21/2003 c1 5Bakedo no Hikage
Wowza! You write pretty dang well! Good stuffs! Good talent. Good story line. I'll just say good story. You also have a great first sentence, it really got me hooked. Please write moer of this stuffs.

P.S.- please read my 2 newest stories, Serenity Keeper and 2986 Escape!
2/19/2003 c8 4MiroFTW
good stuff. solid action, very detailed combat scene. there are some few star wars/gundam influences i can see, but still, you have an interesting story worth reading. keep up the good work.
2/6/2003 c7 kal damur
i like your characterizations. and the action is good. please continue, this looks to be a very interesting story.
2/2/2003 c6 3Jenger
Quoting from Top Gun in the future, nice touch. The simulated battle was really great! It was very well written, it moved like I was watching it on screen and the wording (slave, juking) was excellent, it really got me into it. You do interactions between people well, I love your characterization. I like how you were able to integrate history into the story without having to go into a slog of heavy background information. Well done!
1/23/2003 c5 Jenger
Hm, consider 'are' instead of have been

I really like your characterization, the dream really shows the hopes/personality of Izzy and you included some good interaction between the characters that gives more detail about their personality (that one's jealous, that one's curious, that one's insecure, ect). Especially the interaction in OZ, boss and assistant, though I'm not so sure about the evil laughing and Miss Stenson seems a bit too perfect...

Watching for more!
1/23/2003 c5 kel
this is good stuff! u liked rogue squad? i did. and this is 1 of the best storys iv found on here yet. pls rite some more
1/22/2003 c1 Jenger
'star fighters dance with each other'- sounds friendly

Try to stay in one tense, the switching is tricky/distracting; don't do it unless you're switching veiwpoints or something where you're pretty sure you need it.

Some of the passive stuff like 'has\have been' could be changed to 'was\were' or completely removed, I think switching to active would be better if the action's happening in the now. X all the passive stuff. The past tense gets boring.

Maybe throw in some more stuff/detail/info about the 'Dominion Intelligence' 'Confederacy' in the preface, they're empty and meaningless titles until they're fleshed out with some more background info. Like the acronyms OZ is fine because you write a bunch about it (rebel guy Zeon trying to take over -ok, I remember) , but GSA? I was thinking Gay Straight Alliance until I went back and checked what it ment. What's the GSA like? Feudal empire? Hegemony? it needs description to become memorable.

Confusing bits:

Cerina was 'not honest' about something...?

'They're to machines what live rounds are to people'?

Part four was great, I liked it the best. The action was well paced, a little far fetched (kung-fu and guns and hacking?) but hey it's sci-fi. I like how you characterized the cadets, I got a sense of their personality. I'm not sure what the heck the teacher was trying to say at the end though, try re-phrasing?

Good stuff, I'll watch for updates or e-mail me or something
1/20/2003 c1 4MiroFTW
the writing seems pretty good. kinda reminds of star wars rogue squadron but this is still good material. keep up the good work.
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