for Cosmic Strife Saga: Alpha Squadron Trilogy6/27/2005 c51 SqurielLord
Thank you master Chief. I salute you for this wonmderful epic that you put up here on FP.com. May your sequels be as good, and publishers optomistic.
SqurielLord.
Thank you master Chief. I salute you for this wonmderful epic that you put up here on FP.com. May your sequels be as good, and publishers optomistic.
SqurielLord.
6/25/2005 c50 
4MiroFTW
bittersweet ending. nice to see izzy's viewpoint of the finale. it's good to show how war has really devastated not one but others as well. i liked it.
sad for this to be my last review, but i'll keep em coming once you get started on a sequel :P
until then, good luck editing!
-shippo
4MiroFTWbittersweet ending. nice to see izzy's viewpoint of the finale. it's good to show how war has really devastated not one but others as well. i liked it.
sad for this to be my last review, but i'll keep em coming once you get started on a sequel :P
until then, good luck editing!
-shippo
6/25/2005 c49 MiroFTW
the final chapter of a great space epic. it was good, although i think rykerson could've put up a better fight. i think you should really change mobile suit and just use the word 'mech' instead, for copyright purposes i mean :P
enygma is a nice zech, and i'm pretty sure he'll return if a AS: Endless Waltz ever appears.
i found con to house a little too much hatred though, because i really don't recall any bg with him and elanger. it's been a while so i should go back and check some time. otherwise, it could make a nice side story.
and finally to the epilogue...
the final chapter of a great space epic. it was good, although i think rykerson could've put up a better fight. i think you should really change mobile suit and just use the word 'mech' instead, for copyright purposes i mean :P
enygma is a nice zech, and i'm pretty sure he'll return if a AS: Endless Waltz ever appears.
i found con to house a little too much hatred though, because i really don't recall any bg with him and elanger. it's been a while so i should go back and check some time. otherwise, it could make a nice side story.
and finally to the epilogue...
6/25/2005 c48 MiroFTW
great chapter. i like how you've tried to incorporate the views of many of the role players in this final battle. your grammar was good, everything seemed in place.
i just have one qualm. is there a difference between mobile suit and mech configuration? i know i saw the 'mobile suit configuration' and the mech one somewhere up and i never really understood if there was difference.
i could see a lot of gundam and star wars influence radiating from this chapter, which isn't a bad thing. and on to the next chapter!
great chapter. i like how you've tried to incorporate the views of many of the role players in this final battle. your grammar was good, everything seemed in place.
i just have one qualm. is there a difference between mobile suit and mech configuration? i know i saw the 'mobile suit configuration' and the mech one somewhere up and i never really understood if there was difference.
i could see a lot of gundam and star wars influence radiating from this chapter, which isn't a bad thing. and on to the next chapter!
6/24/2005 c50 Chagan
Well, its done. I bet you feel liberated :P.
Well ended, lived up to expectation, etc etc, not going to elaborate. I especially liked the paragraphs about Izzy in the epilogue, and thought it built a lot of his character- definitely better than the dream sequence thing you showed me a long time back. I never really thought much of mechs in the story (since they didn't get much attention), but at least they were put to good use in the 2nd last chapter. Hmm, i liked other stuff but I'm tired, so I'll shut up.
On the low side, grammar needed minor work here and there. Con's anger at Elagner would probably be kinda out of place for someone who doesn't know the whole background, sincei t's hardly explained, so you should keep that in mind. Finally- now you know I'm one for dark endings. But while the ending was great, I do think AS is the kinda thing that would end on a brighter note, not the moody way Izzy's final thought went.
Ah well. Your big big story's finally done :D. It'll probably be a while in coming, but I'll be waiting for the sequel. In the meantime, I'm probably gonna re-read this from start to finish...
Well, its done. I bet you feel liberated :P.
Well ended, lived up to expectation, etc etc, not going to elaborate. I especially liked the paragraphs about Izzy in the epilogue, and thought it built a lot of his character- definitely better than the dream sequence thing you showed me a long time back. I never really thought much of mechs in the story (since they didn't get much attention), but at least they were put to good use in the 2nd last chapter. Hmm, i liked other stuff but I'm tired, so I'll shut up.
On the low side, grammar needed minor work here and there. Con's anger at Elagner would probably be kinda out of place for someone who doesn't know the whole background, sincei t's hardly explained, so you should keep that in mind. Finally- now you know I'm one for dark endings. But while the ending was great, I do think AS is the kinda thing that would end on a brighter note, not the moody way Izzy's final thought went.
Ah well. Your big big story's finally done :D. It'll probably be a while in coming, but I'll be waiting for the sequel. In the meantime, I'm probably gonna re-read this from start to finish...
6/20/2005 c47 Mbwun
Good God. The last few chapters were just amazing. Everything coming to a head, with major characters bound to end up unpleasantly affected by the climax... Excellently written.
I am with ShippoSan, though-what about some fights between the bruisers? (Of course, you'd expect me to say that...)
~He Who Walks On All Fours
Good God. The last few chapters were just amazing. Everything coming to a head, with major characters bound to end up unpleasantly affected by the climax... Excellently written.
I am with ShippoSan, though-what about some fights between the bruisers? (Of course, you'd expect me to say that...)
~He Who Walks On All Fours
5/3/2005 c47 4MiroFTW
everything's coming along quite nicely. the fighter scenes remind me quite a deal of the starfighter squadron sortie against the death star, although i think you have something more than proton torpedoes planned out. i'll be waiting to see how that pans out.
the con/jace/michan fights were all good in their own perspective. the michan vs deuce fight reminded me of a scene from spriggan, to a certain degree. the jace and trey fight was intriguing with the shadow clones, but for some reason the psycho mantis line didn't seem to fit all that well. at least imo.
the con and ace fight was .. different. not particularily bad, but i really can't imagine gunkata being used in a less than 3 people fight. idk, just my perspective. the overall battle feeling reminded me of spike and vicious though.
although you're coming up on the homestretch, there's still one BIG important thing you've left out! it's the big spaceship duels! i know you have an affinity for the starfighters but up to now, the spaceships don't seem to play any significant role in the story. or at least, i've forgotten any from the past chapters. they should still be an integral part of whatever any side has planned out. that's the only thing that really has been bugging me.
one more chapter to go. you can do it!
4MiroFTWeverything's coming along quite nicely. the fighter scenes remind me quite a deal of the starfighter squadron sortie against the death star, although i think you have something more than proton torpedoes planned out. i'll be waiting to see how that pans out.
the con/jace/michan fights were all good in their own perspective. the michan vs deuce fight reminded me of a scene from spriggan, to a certain degree. the jace and trey fight was intriguing with the shadow clones, but for some reason the psycho mantis line didn't seem to fit all that well. at least imo.
the con and ace fight was .. different. not particularily bad, but i really can't imagine gunkata being used in a less than 3 people fight. idk, just my perspective. the overall battle feeling reminded me of spike and vicious though.
although you're coming up on the homestretch, there's still one BIG important thing you've left out! it's the big spaceship duels! i know you have an affinity for the starfighters but up to now, the spaceships don't seem to play any significant role in the story. or at least, i've forgotten any from the past chapters. they should still be an integral part of whatever any side has planned out. that's the only thing that really has been bugging me.
one more chapter to go. you can do it!
5/1/2005 c46 Chagan
Ok, so I missed this chapter...also rulant :D.Completely useless review though. You never showed me the stuff with Antes/Izzy/Enygma either.
Ok, so I missed this chapter...also rulant :D.Completely useless review though. You never showed me the stuff with Antes/Izzy/Enygma either.
5/1/2005 c47 Chagan
Whee! So I saw most of it, but all the parts I didn't see (everyones respective deaths) kicked ass. Fitting end for the Flush.Now I shall have to wait for the final chapter...
Whee! So I saw most of it, but all the parts I didn't see (everyones respective deaths) kicked ass. Fitting end for the Flush.Now I shall have to wait for the final chapter...
5/1/2005 c24 41ionlyliveindreams
Man, I can't believe I left for so long! Thanks for the email... it kinda woke me up, lol. Dunno why, but my email deleted all my emails so... oh well. Anyways, just reading this chapter reminded me of what a great writer you are, even though I can't remember whats going on. -_- You really didn't lose my interest... It's just those damn addicting online rpgs! Argh! Anywho... I'll try to catch up ;) Keep writing... oh, and gratz on 200 reveiws :D You totally deserve it :)~Ionlyliveindreams
41ionlyliveindreamsMan, I can't believe I left for so long! Thanks for the email... it kinda woke me up, lol. Dunno why, but my email deleted all my emails so... oh well. Anyways, just reading this chapter reminded me of what a great writer you are, even though I can't remember whats going on. -_- You really didn't lose my interest... It's just those damn addicting online rpgs! Argh! Anywho... I'll try to catch up ;) Keep writing... oh, and gratz on 200 reveiws :D You totally deserve it :)~Ionlyliveindreams
3/5/2005 c3 Arkash
This starts out great. Good prose and even better dialogues. Cyrrin seems like an interesting character. In my opinion, though, "he tought to himself" is verbiose. Just "he thought" is enough.
This starts out great. Good prose and even better dialogues. Cyrrin seems like an interesting character. In my opinion, though, "he tought to himself" is verbiose. Just "he thought" is enough.
3/1/2005 c45 4MiroFTW
whoa, you got a lot going on in this chapter. a few dogfights in there as usual. the con rafale fight was strictly just a teaser so i'll be waiting on that.
i noticed at some points, you use dialogue, instead of expressions or emotions to describe characters. doing so, you make it seem as if there is sometimes excess dialogue that can be avoided.
the only other thing that struck my eye was that there were quite a few grammatical mistakes in the chapter, more so than i have seen in the past but it can easily be fixed by going over the chapter again.
other than that, i dont have much to say except hurry up with the next chapter! i suspect there we be a few more revelations in the next one.
4MiroFTWwhoa, you got a lot going on in this chapter. a few dogfights in there as usual. the con rafale fight was strictly just a teaser so i'll be waiting on that.
i noticed at some points, you use dialogue, instead of expressions or emotions to describe characters. doing so, you make it seem as if there is sometimes excess dialogue that can be avoided.
the only other thing that struck my eye was that there were quite a few grammatical mistakes in the chapter, more so than i have seen in the past but it can easily be fixed by going over the chapter again.
other than that, i dont have much to say except hurry up with the next chapter! i suspect there we be a few more revelations in the next one.
2/27/2005 c45 Chagan
To start with, "Dogfight" is the WORST name you could possibly give to an AS chapter. For gods sake, the whole story's been a huge string of dogfights, change the chapter name!At any rate, not much to say, since I've already read most of it. What ever I havent read is good too, specially the final scene in the chapter. I do think Con talks too much though. The whole things about "I will kill you, Ace" was better left unsaid. Might just wanna write a facial expression into there. Ace is the one who would do the talking, Con lets the guns talk.Not much else to comment on, I shall wait eagerly for the next chapter. It better come fast :D.
To start with, "Dogfight" is the WORST name you could possibly give to an AS chapter. For gods sake, the whole story's been a huge string of dogfights, change the chapter name!At any rate, not much to say, since I've already read most of it. What ever I havent read is good too, specially the final scene in the chapter. I do think Con talks too much though. The whole things about "I will kill you, Ace" was better left unsaid. Might just wanna write a facial expression into there. Ace is the one who would do the talking, Con lets the guns talk.Not much else to comment on, I shall wait eagerly for the next chapter. It better come fast :D.