for Damien and Laura2/4/2005 c9 
3sheerWonder
it just gets better and better! its really good, with a well written plot. a few things to keep in mind, though.
1)the story seems a bit rushed. a few things can be elaborated. this chap could have been elaborated more before they made up.
2)more descriptive language, ya'know, setting the scene, portraying emotion, etc etc
just a few points to make the story from great to excellent! update quickly!
3sheerWonderit just gets better and better! its really good, with a well written plot. a few things to keep in mind, though.
1)the story seems a bit rushed. a few things can be elaborated. this chap could have been elaborated more before they made up.
2)more descriptive language, ya'know, setting the scene, portraying emotion, etc etc
just a few points to make the story from great to excellent! update quickly!
1/26/2005 c3 sheerWonder
This is an excellent story! i love it! i'll review the other chaps soon, k? keep updating (please!)
This is an excellent story! i love it! i'll review the other chaps soon, k? keep updating (please!)
7/12/2004 c1 33Zoey7
First of all, this is a very good story. However you have some major puncuation errors throughout the story. You wrote, "Damien, have you ever heard of an umbrella" There should have been a question mark after 'umbrella'. Then, "Oh well" Lauren replied. See, you should at least put a comma after 'well' or even a period. So my only problems with this story were its puncuation. Over all, great story!
33Zoey7First of all, this is a very good story. However you have some major puncuation errors throughout the story. You wrote, "Damien, have you ever heard of an umbrella" There should have been a question mark after 'umbrella'. Then, "Oh well" Lauren replied. See, you should at least put a comma after 'well' or even a period. So my only problems with this story were its puncuation. Over all, great story!
6/25/2004 c9 1DKiplan
Interesting story. I think I like Shadow Stalker a bit better though. Still this story is interesting. I would like to see where you're going with it.
1DKiplanInteresting story. I think I like Shadow Stalker a bit better though. Still this story is interesting. I would like to see where you're going with it.
5/19/2004 c1 5chibichan366
wow, i really like it.
damien seem to be a very rebellious teenager.
the dialogues make it very interesting to read.
chibichan366
5chibichan366wow, i really like it.
damien seem to be a very rebellious teenager.
the dialogues make it very interesting to read.
chibichan366
5/11/2004 c1 54NightAngel117
I like it, and I think its so cute how they are friends even though they are so different. I'm sorry I coul;dn't read the whole thing, but I'll try to come back and read the rest later.
It was overall a very good story. :)
NA117
54NightAngel117I like it, and I think its so cute how they are friends even though they are so different. I'm sorry I coul;dn't read the whole thing, but I'll try to come back and read the rest later.
It was overall a very good story. :)
NA117
4/27/2004 c9 5L. Conks
She forgives too quickly. Oh ya, sorry I'm up here! I couldn't help reading ahead! This ALWAYS happens to me. But I had to do it. Can you seriously blame me? Alright, fine, you can. But I needed to find out... Anyways, as I was saying. Laura forgives people way to quickly. And is Damien REALLY faking it? It'd be cool to find out that he wasn't lying to Aghorn and them, but HER. Keep updating, and I'll find some time to read the stuff I skipped... later. Sorry again! -.-
5L. ConksShe forgives too quickly. Oh ya, sorry I'm up here! I couldn't help reading ahead! This ALWAYS happens to me. But I had to do it. Can you seriously blame me? Alright, fine, you can. But I needed to find out... Anyways, as I was saying. Laura forgives people way to quickly. And is Damien REALLY faking it? It'd be cool to find out that he wasn't lying to Aghorn and them, but HER. Keep updating, and I'll find some time to read the stuff I skipped... later. Sorry again! -.-
4/27/2004 c2 L. Conks
I like Sarah. She's cool. Anywayz, wehn we get back to Laura... I wuz just wondering...is there gonna be any mushiness? I know I sound wierd, but will there? I just think they seem to be...well, you know. Close. Anyways, I think Dimitri sucks so there!
I like Sarah. She's cool. Anywayz, wehn we get back to Laura... I wuz just wondering...is there gonna be any mushiness? I know I sound wierd, but will there? I just think they seem to be...well, you know. Close. Anyways, I think Dimitri sucks so there!
4/26/2004 c1 L. Conks
hi hi hi hi hi hi hi! thanx 4 bein da 1st 2 review Until Today! anywayz, i think ur story rox! Damien's cool... u're good with character developing. but 1 thing i dont get: hiz dad told him 2 make eye contact with Laura, and then he tellz him not 2 associate with her. and if the people hate him, y would they love him? if i really hated the kid, if he ran away i wouldnt bother goin after him. and if i did, the only explanation would be "if i'm goin 2 hell, i'm gonna drag him down with me!" so... but dont listen 2 my silly commetz, itz ur style, not mine! ;-)
hi hi hi hi hi hi hi! thanx 4 bein da 1st 2 review Until Today! anywayz, i think ur story rox! Damien's cool... u're good with character developing. but 1 thing i dont get: hiz dad told him 2 make eye contact with Laura, and then he tellz him not 2 associate with her. and if the people hate him, y would they love him? if i really hated the kid, if he ran away i wouldnt bother goin after him. and if i did, the only explanation would be "if i'm goin 2 hell, i'm gonna drag him down with me!" so... but dont listen 2 my silly commetz, itz ur style, not mine! ;-)
4/10/2004 c3 NON-M
This story is really good. Your style is mature and sophisticated. I really like this story so far. You seem to be a very skilled writer.
This story is really good. Your style is mature and sophisticated. I really like this story so far. You seem to be a very skilled writer.
3/28/2004 c7 An Inside Joke
Cool chapter. The story seems really fast paced, maybe slow it down a little.
Cool chapter. The story seems really fast paced, maybe slow it down a little.
3/28/2004 c4 An Inside Joke
It seems a little far fetched that they would be talking about it in a place where anyone could overhear, and everyone just seems to take Damein's claims at face value. Other than that, though, your story is pretty interesting.
It seems a little far fetched that they would be talking about it in a place where anyone could overhear, and everyone just seems to take Damein's claims at face value. Other than that, though, your story is pretty interesting.