for Songs of Sadness1/29/2006 c2 
6Strider Hunter
Hey Dee, it's been a few years, hasn't it? Glad to see the quality of your writing is holding up. A nice companion piece to your first scene, and the tone contrasts very well. You phrased it right on the money, nothing compares to new-found freedom, and I hope the song bird never takes it for granted.
Please keep up the great work, it's talent like yours that makes me miss this site, Dee! :)
6Strider HunterHey Dee, it's been a few years, hasn't it? Glad to see the quality of your writing is holding up. A nice companion piece to your first scene, and the tone contrasts very well. You phrased it right on the money, nothing compares to new-found freedom, and I hope the song bird never takes it for granted.
Please keep up the great work, it's talent like yours that makes me miss this site, Dee! :)
6/17/2005 c2 11Areneth
that's so cool! It was so pretty! Awesome story, it was so beautifully written! I liked the ending, it was awesome.
11Areneththat's so cool! It was so pretty! Awesome story, it was so beautifully written! I liked the ending, it was awesome.
8/25/2004 c2 4ColorCrayons
oh no worries - the two match up wonderfully. this was a great piece. beautifully written, the first chapter was almost poetic. it was soft. i loved the ending of the second chapter.
~Mack
ps thank u so much for reviewing me! Carter is a main character, though, so if you're still interesting in him...
4ColorCrayonsoh no worries - the two match up wonderfully. this was a great piece. beautifully written, the first chapter was almost poetic. it was soft. i loved the ending of the second chapter.
~Mack
ps thank u so much for reviewing me! Carter is a main character, though, so if you're still interesting in him...
2/26/2004 c2 Flamehail
Yay, you added a bit more! That was very nice, so poignant and well-written. On the one hand, it would be wonderful to see this developed into a full story: how did the king capture and change the songbird? we know how the bird felt, but what did she think of things? what did happen for sure to Nana in the end? You could easily make it a longer story. But on the other hand, that might ruin this little vignette. Part of its quality is its shortness and the way you handled the words so carefully. Oh well. Good job, anyway. ^_^
Flamehail
Yay, you added a bit more! That was very nice, so poignant and well-written. On the one hand, it would be wonderful to see this developed into a full story: how did the king capture and change the songbird? we know how the bird felt, but what did she think of things? what did happen for sure to Nana in the end? You could easily make it a longer story. But on the other hand, that might ruin this little vignette. Part of its quality is its shortness and the way you handled the words so carefully. Oh well. Good job, anyway. ^_^
Flamehail
2/19/2004 c2 Jennifer
Pretty good. Once again, your really good with descriptions, I can really visualize what your writing, and the language is very poetic. Nice little alliteration with the first line of Ch.1. Always glad to read something you've written. Keep up the good work.
PS:Sorry it took me so long to review, I don't really get over to Fiction Press a lot, but you know that.
Pretty good. Once again, your really good with descriptions, I can really visualize what your writing, and the language is very poetic. Nice little alliteration with the first line of Ch.1. Always glad to read something you've written. Keep up the good work.
PS:Sorry it took me so long to review, I don't really get over to Fiction Press a lot, but you know that.
1/21/2004 c1 a girl is that enuf
that was nice. kind of general idea of loneliness. i can relate to that, it feels just like school after summer vaca! U could actually build a story off of that if u no wut i mean. Kind of like, the girl was kidnapped and is a slave for this king, has to sing for him. And each nite she remembers home. She would die tragically of course at the end, and envision her home as she floats away. Sorry thats just me trying to writesome story
that was nice. kind of general idea of loneliness. i can relate to that, it feels just like school after summer vaca! U could actually build a story off of that if u no wut i mean. Kind of like, the girl was kidnapped and is a slave for this king, has to sing for him. And each nite she remembers home. She would die tragically of course at the end, and envision her home as she floats away. Sorry thats just me trying to writesome story
12/11/2003 c1 7Flamehail
A typo: "king would come to her. His heart desiring" = "king would come to her, his heart desiring"
Wow. You did not need very many words to convey a very powerful statement. Quite masterfully done. Not much else to say about it, except that I liked it. ^_^
Flamehail
7FlamehailA typo: "king would come to her. His heart desiring" = "king would come to her, his heart desiring"
Wow. You did not need very many words to convey a very powerful statement. Quite masterfully done. Not much else to say about it, except that I liked it. ^_^
Flamehail
12/1/2003 c1 7Enchanted Bohemian
After reading your cute, positive comments on my little fantasy story, I had pictured you to be somewhat similar to me in your style of writing. But now I feel ashamed and wonder why on earth you liked my odd little story so much! My phrasing is so clumsy and cluttered, yet this snippet of yours reads so smoothly and easily through such enlightened language...
I often feel I have to review someone's work when they have reviewed mine simply out of courtesy, but now I am genuinely glad I got to come and read some of your work! I loved this in every sense, well done.
7Enchanted BohemianAfter reading your cute, positive comments on my little fantasy story, I had pictured you to be somewhat similar to me in your style of writing. But now I feel ashamed and wonder why on earth you liked my odd little story so much! My phrasing is so clumsy and cluttered, yet this snippet of yours reads so smoothly and easily through such enlightened language...
I often feel I have to review someone's work when they have reviewed mine simply out of courtesy, but now I am genuinely glad I got to come and read some of your work! I loved this in every sense, well done.
11/15/2003 c1 73An Inside Joke
This story is kind of sad. I think it would be nice if it were longer, but it also paints a very vivid picture of the two charecters- the girl and the king.
73An Inside JokeThis story is kind of sad. I think it would be nice if it were longer, but it also paints a very vivid picture of the two charecters- the girl and the king.
5/5/2003 c1 54Werecat99
That was equally stunning. By all means, please, continue. You have a jewel there.
If you decide to expand it, drop me a line.
54Werecat99That was equally stunning. By all means, please, continue. You have a jewel there.
If you decide to expand it, drop me a line.
5/3/2003 c1 11Lady Aryun
I absolutely love this! The imagery is great, and I love how you wrote the whole situation. It's strange how people can be so sad and no one notices it becuase they only wish to see another side.
11Lady AryunI absolutely love this! The imagery is great, and I love how you wrote the whole situation. It's strange how people can be so sad and no one notices it becuase they only wish to see another side.
4/13/2003 c1 6Hypatia
This is good. Very good imagery and display of emotions. The last sentence was my favorite, too - it brought an excellent close to the peace.
One thing that bugged me, though, was how much you used similes here. That's probably just me being picky, because a lot of the similes were good, just so many of them bothered me.
I think there should be a comma instead of a period joining these sentences:
"Two or more times a day, the king would come to her. His heart desiring his greatest treasure."
All in all, a good piece. I look forward to reading more of your work!
6HypatiaThis is good. Very good imagery and display of emotions. The last sentence was my favorite, too - it brought an excellent close to the peace.
One thing that bugged me, though, was how much you used similes here. That's probably just me being picky, because a lot of the similes were good, just so many of them bothered me.
I think there should be a comma instead of a period joining these sentences:
"Two or more times a day, the king would come to her. His heart desiring his greatest treasure."
All in all, a good piece. I look forward to reading more of your work!
2/25/2003 c1 2Jessiekat
Aww! I liked this one; it was written very well, the words flowed smoothly, and there were few to no grammatical errors.
I'm fond of the topic - reminds me a little of.. something, though I can't quite put my finger on what.
I'd love to see more of your work, even if not a continuation of this. ^.^ It'd stand better by itself, anyway; specially love the last line! 'So the king, so wise yet blind, thought his songbird was happy in her cage.'
So much emotion.. *sniff*
2JessiekatAww! I liked this one; it was written very well, the words flowed smoothly, and there were few to no grammatical errors.
I'm fond of the topic - reminds me a little of.. something, though I can't quite put my finger on what.
I'd love to see more of your work, even if not a continuation of this. ^.^ It'd stand better by itself, anyway; specially love the last line! 'So the king, so wise yet blind, thought his songbird was happy in her cage.'
So much emotion.. *sniff*
2/20/2003 c1 6Strider Hunter
How do you do it, Dee? How do you envision all of this imagery and manage to capture it in less than 500 words?
It's impossible, I say, impossible! But here, you did it.
Oy.I think I'll go and thump my head against the wall until more skill leaks out. Until then, please keep churning these pieces out.I need the inspiration.
One of your fans
6Strider HunterHow do you do it, Dee? How do you envision all of this imagery and manage to capture it in less than 500 words?
It's impossible, I say, impossible! But here, you did it.
Oy.I think I'll go and thump my head against the wall until more skill leaks out. Until then, please keep churning these pieces out.I need the inspiration.
One of your fans
2/9/2003 c1 Aulizia
I found this beautifully bittersweet, and I loved your use of language; it’s so vivid, lol almost tangible!
As short as this piece was, you managed to surprise me twice! Lol I though the ‘chains of gold’ holding the princess were figurative until you revealed otherwise. The blind king was the other unexpected surprise; I never expected the person imprisoning her to be described as ‘wise’ - clever twist. :c)
This stands on its own as an exquisite vignette, but if you wanted to write more I know I’d read it!
I found this beautifully bittersweet, and I loved your use of language; it’s so vivid, lol almost tangible!
As short as this piece was, you managed to surprise me twice! Lol I though the ‘chains of gold’ holding the princess were figurative until you revealed otherwise. The blind king was the other unexpected surprise; I never expected the person imprisoning her to be described as ‘wise’ - clever twist. :c)
This stands on its own as an exquisite vignette, but if you wanted to write more I know I’d read it!