for Elysium3/23/2005 c1 
39Dahlia Wolffe
Good- i definetely needed to read it myself- interesting you mention ninja weapons. Aren't they the greatest?-Yin
39Dahlia WolffeGood- i definetely needed to read it myself- interesting you mention ninja weapons. Aren't they the greatest?-Yin
1/2/2005 c1 7Young King101
This is a very intersting piece, it reminds me of the Matrix and MegMan NT Warrior a bit. I don't fully undertsand it though, either I don't know that much about computers and programs (which i don't), or you made some of this up. Mabey you'll explain in the next chapter. Good job, till the next one.
*Underhill.
7Young King101This is a very intersting piece, it reminds me of the Matrix and MegMan NT Warrior a bit. I don't fully undertsand it though, either I don't know that much about computers and programs (which i don't), or you made some of this up. Mabey you'll explain in the next chapter. Good job, till the next one.
*Underhill.
11/25/2004 c1 2thedieselgod
very good story. reminded me a bit of THE ANIMATRIX. i would love to see another one set in this world, possibly with the same characters. good job man.
2thedieselgodvery good story. reminded me a bit of THE ANIMATRIX. i would love to see another one set in this world, possibly with the same characters. good job man.
3/30/2004 c1 Papa Cee
After reading Dead Man and Wergelt I dipped into a few more of your stories. I particularly enjoyed this little Gibsonesque story, proper cyberpunk in terms of word economy and themes. Blind Zen Programming - nice! In general though, I think you could go back and reverse engineer your writing to good effect, create more set-up/payoff so that when the end comes around the reader enjoys the feeling of satisfied closure that comes with a really tight story. But, really good...
After reading Dead Man and Wergelt I dipped into a few more of your stories. I particularly enjoyed this little Gibsonesque story, proper cyberpunk in terms of word economy and themes. Blind Zen Programming - nice! In general though, I think you could go back and reverse engineer your writing to good effect, create more set-up/payoff so that when the end comes around the reader enjoys the feeling of satisfied closure that comes with a really tight story. But, really good...
3/3/2004 c1 invisiblebob
I have one thing to say. WOW!
I have one thing to say. WOW!
6/28/2003 c1 41ionlyliveindreams
Sweetness! I love this! The whole idea of the Elysium is so cool. It's also cool how things that happen there affect the person in 'real life'. It's great, and you should add more.
Keep writing
~ionlyliveindreams
41ionlyliveindreamsSweetness! I love this! The whole idea of the Elysium is so cool. It's also cool how things that happen there affect the person in 'real life'. It's great, and you should add more.
Keep writing
~ionlyliveindreams
5/23/2003 c1 2SouthernBelle5
It is so interesting! You should write a second chapter! You came up with a really good plot.
2SouthernBelle5It is so interesting! You should write a second chapter! You came up with a really good plot.
3/4/2003 c1 3Absalom Draconis
Looks good. Didn't catch any syntax or grammar errors, and it's well written and coherent, both important in my book. There wasn't a whole lot of detail into what the Elysium are, and at first I thought that there was a single one, represented as a city, on a single server. I had to go through the story a bit more before I found that either there's more than one Elysium, or there's more than one representation of the same Elysium, and I'm still not sure. Good story, looking forward to seeing more stuff from you. The Graphical Universe isn't the most unique setting, but it's not like I care. Keep writing this stuff, it's good.
3Absalom DraconisLooks good. Didn't catch any syntax or grammar errors, and it's well written and coherent, both important in my book. There wasn't a whole lot of detail into what the Elysium are, and at first I thought that there was a single one, represented as a city, on a single server. I had to go through the story a bit more before I found that either there's more than one Elysium, or there's more than one representation of the same Elysium, and I'm still not sure. Good story, looking forward to seeing more stuff from you. The Graphical Universe isn't the most unique setting, but it's not like I care. Keep writing this stuff, it's good.
2/24/2003 c1 1Rhys
"In the reality that was the WorldGrid it was a city in and of itself, a city that this young woman in particular knew very well."
The "in particular" in the sentence seems awkward. I don't think it's really necessary.
Otherwise, it's great. Original storyline, amazing writing, and leaves me absolutely hungering for more. Please continue.
1Rhys"In the reality that was the WorldGrid it was a city in and of itself, a city that this young woman in particular knew very well."
The "in particular" in the sentence seems awkward. I don't think it's really necessary.
Otherwise, it's great. Original storyline, amazing writing, and leaves me absolutely hungering for more. Please continue.
2/22/2003 c1 4anteNomad
This is quite a clever story so far, and I love the way you're writing it. The first two paragraphs, describing the "programming by Zen" I thought were especially good. It was also interesting how your description of Elysium combines the digital aspect with imagery that speaks as though it's a real, living city somewhere. Your writing style is certainly worth envy.
For nitpicking, I wasn't quite satisfied with the way Naginata went from an apparent friend to the sort who'd blurt out generic bad-guy lines such as, "I'm afraid I have to kill you/destroy your computer and take your property now"; especially as it seemed to come out of left field, with the only indication that Ghost should be apprehensive about this guy coming after he was pointing an e-gun at her. (I didn't really get why he bothered with the combat taunt instead of just e-shooting her while she was off guard, either.) But it's far from enough reason to make me not like this piece; I'm quite looking forward to seeing more.
4anteNomadThis is quite a clever story so far, and I love the way you're writing it. The first two paragraphs, describing the "programming by Zen" I thought were especially good. It was also interesting how your description of Elysium combines the digital aspect with imagery that speaks as though it's a real, living city somewhere. Your writing style is certainly worth envy.
For nitpicking, I wasn't quite satisfied with the way Naginata went from an apparent friend to the sort who'd blurt out generic bad-guy lines such as, "I'm afraid I have to kill you/destroy your computer and take your property now"; especially as it seemed to come out of left field, with the only indication that Ghost should be apprehensive about this guy coming after he was pointing an e-gun at her. (I didn't really get why he bothered with the combat taunt instead of just e-shooting her while she was off guard, either.) But it's far from enough reason to make me not like this piece; I'm quite looking forward to seeing more.
2/21/2003 c1 10Anumati
Wow, I'm on a roll today! This is the second good story I've had the pleasure of reading this morning. Good pacing, good flow, and excellent detail.
A woman named Ghost is just so cool. Reminds me of Ghost in the Shell, but she inhabits a sort of "online" shell instead of a robotic one.
Both Ghost and Naginata are very intriging characters. Naginata's vain and egotistical power. Ghost's cool and collected capability. "Head-splitting logoff" is putting it mildly.
Nice little touches make this story shine: programming by Zen, "byte-boys", especially the concept of a programmer's utopia. Athens Elysium is such a brilliant place! Harkens vaguely to Tad William's Otherworld books (But only vaguely. You should read them if you get the chance).
Quite a unique offering. Why the hell wasn't this reviewed sooner?
10AnumatiWow, I'm on a roll today! This is the second good story I've had the pleasure of reading this morning. Good pacing, good flow, and excellent detail.
A woman named Ghost is just so cool. Reminds me of Ghost in the Shell, but she inhabits a sort of "online" shell instead of a robotic one.
Both Ghost and Naginata are very intriging characters. Naginata's vain and egotistical power. Ghost's cool and collected capability. "Head-splitting logoff" is putting it mildly.
Nice little touches make this story shine: programming by Zen, "byte-boys", especially the concept of a programmer's utopia. Athens Elysium is such a brilliant place! Harkens vaguely to Tad William's Otherworld books (But only vaguely. You should read them if you get the chance).
Quite a unique offering. Why the hell wasn't this reviewed sooner?