for Flame of Amria1/17/2005 c8 Lightning99109
Hello Vorsie!Have not actually bothered reading this, but as your adorable sister, I am sure that it is very good.
Hello Vorsie!Have not actually bothered reading this, but as your adorable sister, I am sure that it is very good.
6/27/2004 c8 Sir Keilah
Well, firstly this feels really confusing and rushed. No matter if you are planning to write a sequel or not, things should at least be semi-resolved at the end so the story can stand alone. Secondly, I think you have a good story idea here, but could use lots of work developing out more of the characters and setting and plot. Some of the details might need to be made clearer earlier into the story. Also, somethings there is no consistancy between chapters. Just some things to keep in mind.
Well, firstly this feels really confusing and rushed. No matter if you are planning to write a sequel or not, things should at least be semi-resolved at the end so the story can stand alone. Secondly, I think you have a good story idea here, but could use lots of work developing out more of the characters and setting and plot. Some of the details might need to be made clearer earlier into the story. Also, somethings there is no consistancy between chapters. Just some things to keep in mind.
7/27/2003 c2 
4MiroFTW
interesting language. im getting more involved in the story with this war stuff.
kinda confused on the defense system of amaria tho... i mean whats the point of the shielf if when the air crafts touch it, it falls. i think with a little revising this would make the situation more clear.
uhm just a few grammatical errors here and there. otherwise its pretty good. well im off to read more.
4MiroFTWinteresting language. im getting more involved in the story with this war stuff.
kinda confused on the defense system of amaria tho... i mean whats the point of the shielf if when the air crafts touch it, it falls. i think with a little revising this would make the situation more clear.
uhm just a few grammatical errors here and there. otherwise its pretty good. well im off to read more.
7/26/2003 c8 5Bakedo no Hikage
All I can say is, "huh?" Who is this Saeri of Irvayo guy? I'm not sure what's going on here, but I don't think I'm supposed to by the way you wrote it. Is it just supposed to leave you starting off the next story? Waiting for more.
-Bakedo.
5Bakedo no HikageAll I can say is, "huh?" Who is this Saeri of Irvayo guy? I'm not sure what's going on here, but I don't think I'm supposed to by the way you wrote it. Is it just supposed to leave you starting off the next story? Waiting for more.
-Bakedo.
7/26/2003 c7 Bakedo no Hikage
Hey, nice chapter. I'm not gonna complain that your chapters a re short, thought they are, but they're short ans sweet...real sweet. I like the action a lot. Sniff, sniff...I'm so touched you mentioned me in your story! Jk, jk, well good going.
I really actually stopped reading the Amrian language last chapter and just went to what was in the brackets, lol. BUt before I did notice (I take Spanish) that the words did seem to have a different form for we,I,you,him,and her. You did good;how long did this lang take you to come up with? I'm not even gonna start guessing the code...I'll give up, lol. Email it to me or somethign! My address is on top of my bio (duh!)
Later!
-Bakedo.
Hey, nice chapter. I'm not gonna complain that your chapters a re short, thought they are, but they're short ans sweet...real sweet. I like the action a lot. Sniff, sniff...I'm so touched you mentioned me in your story! Jk, jk, well good going.
I really actually stopped reading the Amrian language last chapter and just went to what was in the brackets, lol. BUt before I did notice (I take Spanish) that the words did seem to have a different form for we,I,you,him,and her. You did good;how long did this lang take you to come up with? I'm not even gonna start guessing the code...I'll give up, lol. Email it to me or somethign! My address is on top of my bio (duh!)
Later!
-Bakedo.
7/25/2003 c6 Bakedo no Hikage
Hey, Vorsie, Bakedo here again. To your questions, I think this language is either a or c. The second one, definitely c. Lol, not that I'm sexist or anything, but your a girl writing action? You've got to be one of the best female authors I've ever seen! (or read, for that matter.) Anyway, I think you should just cool down on the foreign stuff just a little bit if you know what I mean. Anyway, nice story.
Waiting for more.
-Bakedo.
Hey, Vorsie, Bakedo here again. To your questions, I think this language is either a or c. The second one, definitely c. Lol, not that I'm sexist or anything, but your a girl writing action? You've got to be one of the best female authors I've ever seen! (or read, for that matter.) Anyway, I think you should just cool down on the foreign stuff just a little bit if you know what I mean. Anyway, nice story.
Waiting for more.
-Bakedo.
7/25/2003 c5 Bakedo no Hikage
Again, nice chapter. Kill Naet off, he's an idiot, lol.
I now get why you named the story Flame of Amria. Finally. Nah, I can't think of a better name still, I think that this one is fine.
I like yuor story a lot. Maybe sometime we can write one together?
Again, nice chapter. Kill Naet off, he's an idiot, lol.
I now get why you named the story Flame of Amria. Finally. Nah, I can't think of a better name still, I think that this one is fine.
I like yuor story a lot. Maybe sometime we can write one together?
7/25/2003 c4 Bakedo no Hikage
Hey, again. Good chapter, good chapter. It is a good story though, but I would NEVER defy orders like that, lol.
-Bakedo.
Hey, again. Good chapter, good chapter. It is a good story though, but I would NEVER defy orders like that, lol.
-Bakedo.
7/25/2003 c3 Bakedo no Hikage
Hey. Not that the last chapter was bad, but this one was much, much better, Action is definitely going to come, hopefully soon! I can tell by your writing style already that the action is gonna be good. Later, man.
PS- you made it to my favs list.
Hey. Not that the last chapter was bad, but this one was much, much better, Action is definitely going to come, hopefully soon! I can tell by your writing style already that the action is gonna be good. Later, man.
PS- you made it to my favs list.
7/24/2003 c2 Bakedo no Hikage
Whoa. You kinda packed a LOT into that chapter. I mean, the city is gone, Narida talkted to Denhael, 3 days passed, and now she's off to...I forget where... lol.
Nevertheless, don't get me wrong, your story is very good. I can tell that you definitely have talent, but you are too urgent to get to the even better chapters. In the coming chapters, slow down a bit and take is slowly. You could probably make a chapter like this 2 or 3.
Don't take this as a flame, cuz it's not. (It'd be convenient with the name of your story, lol!) I don't have any better ideas for the name, sorry.
Later!
-Bakedo no Hikage.
Whoa. You kinda packed a LOT into that chapter. I mean, the city is gone, Narida talkted to Denhael, 3 days passed, and now she's off to...I forget where... lol.
Nevertheless, don't get me wrong, your story is very good. I can tell that you definitely have talent, but you are too urgent to get to the even better chapters. In the coming chapters, slow down a bit and take is slowly. You could probably make a chapter like this 2 or 3.
Don't take this as a flame, cuz it's not. (It'd be convenient with the name of your story, lol!) I don't have any better ideas for the name, sorry.
Later!
-Bakedo no Hikage.
7/24/2003 c1 Bakedo no Hikage
hey. This seems like it's going to be a pretty good story, it starts off with fleets of spacecrafts and some mysterious chick looking at a peaceful city. I'm thinking this tranquility isn't gonna last too logn!
(PS- please review me story, Escape 3: Seek Death?)
hey. This seems like it's going to be a pretty good story, it starts off with fleets of spacecrafts and some mysterious chick looking at a peaceful city. I'm thinking this tranquility isn't gonna last too logn!
(PS- please review me story, Escape 3: Seek Death?)
7/4/2003 c5 7Maeve Summers
Hey, Great chapter! Sorry I didn't read it earlier - I have been *very* busy. For the 1st ? - I would consider the Amrian language to have some sort of code to it. 2nd ? - To translate all of that, it must have taken 3-5 hours - that's my guess. Cuz I know that I can barely translate one sentence to spanish in less than 5 minutes. And that was a lot of translations! Good job on the chapter! Keep writing! (Please do a sequel and prolouge! That would be awesome!)
7Maeve SummersHey, Great chapter! Sorry I didn't read it earlier - I have been *very* busy. For the 1st ? - I would consider the Amrian language to have some sort of code to it. 2nd ? - To translate all of that, it must have taken 3-5 hours - that's my guess. Cuz I know that I can barely translate one sentence to spanish in less than 5 minutes. And that was a lot of translations! Good job on the chapter! Keep writing! (Please do a sequel and prolouge! That would be awesome!)
6/15/2003 c4 9Kaerius
Did I mention I love your stories? Oh amd btw I know who Cassia is: she's my classmate's cousin in HongKong. Yeah cool! Update quick!
P.S. TXC updated too...r&r!
9KaeriusDid I mention I love your stories? Oh amd btw I know who Cassia is: she's my classmate's cousin in HongKong. Yeah cool! Update quick!
P.S. TXC updated too...r&r!
6/10/2003 c3 Maeve Summers
Wow! Great chapter! I have been SO busy - sorry for not reading sooner! Keep writing!
Wow! Great chapter! I have been SO busy - sorry for not reading sooner! Keep writing!