for Broken Images7/27/2004 c1 
20Shamandown
excellent tale. i noticed some discrepencies with time, but that was all. this was an interesting story, and told very well. i like the ones where all the little confusing details clear up at the end.
are you intending to use this character more? could make for a good future private eye story. those are always fun
20Shamandownexcellent tale. i noticed some discrepencies with time, but that was all. this was an interesting story, and told very well. i like the ones where all the little confusing details clear up at the end.
are you intending to use this character more? could make for a good future private eye story. those are always fun
3/23/2004 c1 14Willow Elandria
wow, that was incredible. unique plot line, well written, and not predictable at all (which is more than i can say for most sci-fi/fantasy stories out there).
i really hope you write more!
14Willow Elandriawow, that was incredible. unique plot line, well written, and not predictable at all (which is more than i can say for most sci-fi/fantasy stories out there).
i really hope you write more!
5/10/2003 c1 22Unfinished Author
very good, different, brilliantly written... addictive... please add!
22Unfinished Authorvery good, different, brilliantly written... addictive... please add!
3/28/2003 c1 unclepauly
Really cool story, the style was a mix of several other sci-fi films and stories. Have to say I enjoyed it.
Paul.
Really cool story, the style was a mix of several other sci-fi films and stories. Have to say I enjoyed it.
Paul.
2/24/2003 c1 1Rhys
That was great. Absolutely fantastic. Please, please continue. I'm completely captivated by this.
You're a great writer.
1RhysThat was great. Absolutely fantastic. Please, please continue. I'm completely captivated by this.
You're a great writer.
2/24/2003 c1 l. marie benjamin
Okay, I'm putting everything together as I go. So by the end of the chapter Water's is at a point in time forty years after the rest of the chapter and actualy the rest of the chapter is MacReady's conscious self communicating those past events with her.
Alright, got that and I like it, I do. The premise is good and presents a jumping board into a great many possible story turns.
Good story.
One of two problems is one- it took me that long to realize it was a dream sequence. I was like, "don't these people realize she's flying? Where's security?" obviously it makes sense now.
and two- if MacReady had committed murder in the second degree several times shouldn't he be sentenced much more severely and realize that he's killed people and shouldn't be yawning at the judge? with multiple counts of second degree murder along with his other charges I don't think 80 years is nearly enough. And if he killed those people by ways of the arson w/o intending to do so it would be murder in the third or manslaughter, but those still carry heavy punishments.
Good job.
Okay, I'm putting everything together as I go. So by the end of the chapter Water's is at a point in time forty years after the rest of the chapter and actualy the rest of the chapter is MacReady's conscious self communicating those past events with her.
Alright, got that and I like it, I do. The premise is good and presents a jumping board into a great many possible story turns.
Good story.
One of two problems is one- it took me that long to realize it was a dream sequence. I was like, "don't these people realize she's flying? Where's security?" obviously it makes sense now.
and two- if MacReady had committed murder in the second degree several times shouldn't he be sentenced much more severely and realize that he's killed people and shouldn't be yawning at the judge? with multiple counts of second degree murder along with his other charges I don't think 80 years is nearly enough. And if he killed those people by ways of the arson w/o intending to do so it would be murder in the third or manslaughter, but those still carry heavy punishments.
Good job.