for Sin of the Unicorn6/4/2003 c1 Aurelia
Very nice writing. I look forward to hearing more of it in the future. Interesting and intriging idea.
Very nice writing. I look forward to hearing more of it in the future. Interesting and intriging idea.
5/27/2003 c1 
7Misako Hashiba
That was good ^_^ I liked all the description of the place and the unicorn. I hope to see the next chapter, if there is one, soon! ^_^dd
7Misako HashibaThat was good ^_^ I liked all the description of the place and the unicorn. I hope to see the next chapter, if there is one, soon! ^_^dd
5/26/2003 c1 8Shush Don't
Whoa! That was a pretty cool story. I really enjoyed it. I did not know that about unicorns, either. Great job!
8Shush Don'tWhoa! That was a pretty cool story. I really enjoyed it. I did not know that about unicorns, either. Great job!
3/15/2003 c1 19Liathe
wow, that was an amazing story! The appearance of the Unicorn reminded me of the scene in Legend (80s film with Tom Cruise, don't know if you've seen it) but then the shock of the rest of the story completely pushed that thought from my mind!
Also thanks for your review of my story.
19Liathewow, that was an amazing story! The appearance of the Unicorn reminded me of the scene in Legend (80s film with Tom Cruise, don't know if you've seen it) but then the shock of the rest of the story completely pushed that thought from my mind!
Also thanks for your review of my story.
3/6/2003 c1 Deus
Oh! Is much goodness. But I want to know why "canna" was used in place of cannot. Other than that, I didn't notice any errors. A very good story.
Oh! Is much goodness. But I want to know why "canna" was used in place of cannot. Other than that, I didn't notice any errors. A very good story.
3/6/2003 c1 3Son of Santa
This is very good so far, and an excellent idea - especially the ideas about vampyres and the whole unstoppable-bleeding thing. Your writing voice is excellent, and no grammar errors seemd to glare out at me, so it should be ok to any reader. The only thing I would say is that it seemed odd to have the unicorn say "canna" - it seemed more eloquent than that, so that "cannot" would fit better.
3Son of SantaThis is very good so far, and an excellent idea - especially the ideas about vampyres and the whole unstoppable-bleeding thing. Your writing voice is excellent, and no grammar errors seemd to glare out at me, so it should be ok to any reader. The only thing I would say is that it seemed odd to have the unicorn say "canna" - it seemed more eloquent than that, so that "cannot" would fit better.
3/5/2003 c1 1Elij
I have not the time to thoroughly review this for grammar, etc., but this is a tale with a definite, unique, imaginative twist.
You used the Greek name "Jehovah." I believe it would be more appropriate to use the older Hebrew name "Yahweh." After all the Old Testament with its story of the Flood is older than the New Testament.
Just a suggestion. Take it or leave it.
In the meantime, I feel this original tale has much potential. Continue writing.
:-)
1ElijI have not the time to thoroughly review this for grammar, etc., but this is a tale with a definite, unique, imaginative twist.
You used the Greek name "Jehovah." I believe it would be more appropriate to use the older Hebrew name "Yahweh." After all the Old Testament with its story of the Flood is older than the New Testament.
Just a suggestion. Take it or leave it.
In the meantime, I feel this original tale has much potential. Continue writing.
:-)