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7/31/2003 c13 Aeitul
Character development, huh? Let's see...

Saphra's character is coming along quite nicely. It could be because you've spent the most time writing about her so far, but, whatever the reason, you're doing a very good job with her. She's believable and likeable. So far, I'd have to say that she's my favorite character.

For the amount of time that she's been in it, Sovay is also coming along nicely. She has the potential to be very, very cool. I imagine that, since she'll probably be meeting up with Saphra soon, we'll be learning more about her (Sovay).

I'm afraid that I can't really comment on Jiranor yet. Once he's in a few more chapters, I'll be certain to, though.

Little Makethran was really cute^_^ I was easily able to picture the scene with the "dragon." Older Makethran was not so cute. He did seem sorta angsty. His angst wasn't overdone, though. Sometimes writers have a tendency to overdo that sort of thing. You had just the right amount, so I commend you on that.

I'm afraid that I can't offer any suggestions on what to improve for this chapter. It was perfectly fine! The only thing I can suggest is to read it at a later time (a few weeks or so). You might find something then. If not, then, uh, be happy I guess.

This review was much longer than I intended, so I'll shut up now.
7/30/2003 c10 Aeitul
I feel terrible. I remember that I'd read the first nine chapters (actually, the prologue and the first eight; whatever) nearly two months ago. I really enjoyed it. I really don't know why I haven't read it since, though. My absentmindedness doesn't cut it in this case. Okay, now onto the actual review.

Well, I had to go back and skim the chapters up until this one, but, obviously, I'm ready to go on. Anyway... The title of the chapter is, um, interesting. I like Raffers. Interesting name (both first and last) and he had a rather amusing line. "...and the title of your grandmother’s roommate’s pet parakeet." I giggled at that.

Poor Saphra. Nothing seems to be going well for her. And I have a feeling that it might be a while before things improve for her, as well as a while before she finds Ashiri (I like that name). I'm just curious, do you come up with these names on your own or do you go to a name site? Either way, they're interesting names.

Because it is getting a little late, I'm going to have to finish reading some other time. I definately will NOT forget or get distracted or whatever it was that happened last time.
7/30/2003 c21 Rachel
OMG...we! another chapter! *dances crazily in circles*
7/29/2003 c21 4Neris
I have a question.

Did Tavus really die? I mean, he could've just been injured, right? I kinda like him. I don't know why i like him as he's only in the story twice, but I still like him. So *please* let him be alive!

Oh, and by the way, I *really* like the story!
7/29/2003 c7 87Romantic Squirrel
I love your story. It is so great. But I hate being confussed, it bugs me.
7/29/2003 c21 9Magentian
Aw... I'm disappointed. That's ALL? For some reason, this chapter seemed so short... oh well...

Hehehe! The love blob's coming along VERY quickly. I loved Saph's humor in this one... "I'm the Goddess of Death!" "Your fiancee has the intelligence of an average slice of cheese!" "Lady...Allellella...Allelliannalla...lala...leh." ^_^ I wonder what Jiranor's thinking, though. I mean... wow... he sure went from 'adoring-my-hot-new-bride' mode to 'romantic-with-Saphra-time' mode very quickly... especially for a sanctimonious Pantheist. (I just accidentally typed Pantiest. Concidence? ^_~) But I may merely be assuming. Perhaps Pantheists are polygamists. Perhaps Jir is actually worshipping women's underwear, as my clumsy typing would suggest. I suppose I must keep an open mind.

Oh, and Saphra's jealousy was so cute! Very clever manipulation on her part, as well. I'm surprised she could get on that horse, it's pretty tough... or, wait, never mind, she's probably more light and agile than I am, as she's a Windrider. Speaking of which, it was very sweet, the way she compared Jir's riding to her flying. Helped set the mood perfectly. ^_^ The last sentence was great, too. Just struck me, for some reason.

(Another long review!) Till next time!
7/29/2003 c21 The-Mighty-Koshi
No, that was not chessy it was just right. Not too mushy, yet mushy enough for us readers to go "o sqee!" A love square! Thank the lord you're not going for a love ocatagon! (Yes, I've really seen a love ocatagon before and it was weird.) I think you're doing an excellent job with the plot, it sounds in the story as if you've already got the whole thing organized. Keep up the great work and write another chapter.

7/29/2003 c21 3letylyf
hmm.. well it was cheesy, but I don't think it was _too_ cheesy. if you've got to use a triangle (scuse me, a square =p), you used it really well. The fiance was an idiot, only to be expected, but Jiranor's reaction to her was simply halarious. Saphra was being an idiot about riding, which annoyed me a bit, but Jiranor's reaction to her was so good that I forgave her instantly (:. Can't wait to find out how the forth in their square it (although I have an inkling), and where you're really going to with this. continue soon (:
7/28/2003 c5 9Stroke
Aha, and now for a review that's not just a placeholder that I put so you would review me. I figured that you have enough "That was great! Write more!" reviews, so I really wanted to give this one some substance. So, I went through your first five chapters, found a few stylistic mistakes/incongruences/whatever thingies.

Ch1/Prologue- Nothing to report.

Ch2- “by at least a length”-um, specificity? OOh, I like that word.

Ch3- “My name…my name! Oh yeah, it’s Ruann-Antavenn. Korre Ruann-Antavenn. I’m from Vertex.”- His bumblingness is a bit too extensive. I think the Oh yeah needs to go, but that’s just me.

-Rushing out after Ashiri seemed a little forced, like you just did it to give the plot a little push, and almost gung-ho by the end of the chapter. Like my main character, except he's not supposed to be anything but a thick-headed idiot, at least for a while.

Ch4- Nada.

Ch5- “Uh, yeah…isn’t that what everyone does?” Sort of a stupid question to ask when you're robbing someone, though I don't mean to sound rude(my brother sitting next to me thought it did o_O). Either that or they must be a pretty crappy bandit. Whether a bit off course stylistically, or for no reason at all, it made me laugh, so I put it here regardless.

Until our paths under the pen converge another time I remain

7/28/2003 c1 87Romantic Squirrel
I like this story. I love fantasy stories and stuff. Thanks for the review on my poem. I love reviews. My grandma live in Chicago. Weel great story and thanls for the reciew. If you ever need to talk because of bordom I am always bored to.
7/28/2003 c21 korakane
the chapter has a hilarious title involving the whole CHEESE thing. i really didnt get that..
7/22/2003 c20 19Karma-of-Chaos
Ah, back to boring old America, huh? Here's an intresting little fact I picked up about Italy: Italy and the Netherlands (god that name sounds SO wrong) have the lowest rate of obsesity in all of Europe! That kind of surprised me, considering the great food Italy is rumoured to have. ^^;;

Anyway, I'm glad you're back, I can't wait for the next chapter. Poor Jirarnor! I feel the pity. And, as for Sovay, she's back to her bad-ass self again, gotta love it. The only thing that confused me (only ONE? Gee Scotia, are you losing your touch? ^.~) was when Saphra said she sympathized with Jiranor about the parents.


Well darling, use all that wonderful inspiration for what it's worth! Shock and amaze us all with that talent of yours. TTFN!

Keep Writing!

- Karma
7/21/2003 c10 1DragonKnight2k4
Nice, as usual. A little more detail here and there might help. I mean, You do give some breif descriptions of towns and characters, but I think a little more could be done, but that's up to you.
7/21/2003 c4 DragonKnight2k4
Hey, not bad. a little short I guess, compared to your previous chapter, but oh well. It was still good. Nice way to introduce Uilm and Sovay into the story. Can't wait to read more.
7/21/2003 c3 DragonKnight2k4
All right! Let the adventure begin! I wonder just what that theif is trying to get. And I wonder what happened to Saphra's Givensister. BUt I guess that was what you wanted, huh. I'll jusat have to keep reading and find out. I'd say "Keep up the good work," but there are still 17 chapters for me to read.
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