for The Quicksilver Medallion6/8/2003 c9 
3letylyf
This is not a flame - this story doesn't suck - far from it - and the writing is good - but there's such a thing as being *too* confusing. First, you don't introduce a thousand characters and expect the reader to remember them all. You really do need to keep reminding us of who everybody is - especially with such similar names - both of the main ones begin with s, for example - and it's very difficult to know who you're talking about at times.
But, ok, backed up a little, and simply thinking about what I just read, I enjoyed it. I like how you seem to be weaving your story together with a thousand seemingly unrelated parts - just try and not keep them unrelated for so very long. Readers do like to be able to understand some things.
Your author's notes are a bit annoying. If I were you (but I'm not, of course), I'd tone them down or leave them out.
This isn't a flame. I enjoyed it, and look forward to enjoying the rest of it. You just asked for criticism. There's probably nothing very solid or helpful in this review, but I hope it helps at least a little- if only to let you know you have one more mostly happy reader.
3letylyfThis is not a flame - this story doesn't suck - far from it - and the writing is good - but there's such a thing as being *too* confusing. First, you don't introduce a thousand characters and expect the reader to remember them all. You really do need to keep reminding us of who everybody is - especially with such similar names - both of the main ones begin with s, for example - and it's very difficult to know who you're talking about at times.
But, ok, backed up a little, and simply thinking about what I just read, I enjoyed it. I like how you seem to be weaving your story together with a thousand seemingly unrelated parts - just try and not keep them unrelated for so very long. Readers do like to be able to understand some things.
Your author's notes are a bit annoying. If I were you (but I'm not, of course), I'd tone them down or leave them out.
This isn't a flame. I enjoyed it, and look forward to enjoying the rest of it. You just asked for criticism. There's probably nothing very solid or helpful in this review, but I hope it helps at least a little- if only to let you know you have one more mostly happy reader.
6/7/2003 c9 19Karma-of-Chaos
I love your story darlin', even if I am more than a bit confused. I only have one suggestion - don't make the story too confusing, or the readers will give up on it and stop reading. (I tell you this from personal experience.) It's also quite lovely how Saphra and Sovay (Sovaai?) are playing out to be almost exact opposites. Plus, you've got to love Sovay's attitude. ;) (Although I wouldn't go as far as making a fan club for her...) Suffice to say, you've got me intrigued, (which can be a hard thing to do) keep on writing!
- Karma
19Karma-of-ChaosI love your story darlin', even if I am more than a bit confused. I only have one suggestion - don't make the story too confusing, or the readers will give up on it and stop reading. (I tell you this from personal experience.) It's also quite lovely how Saphra and Sovay (Sovaai?) are playing out to be almost exact opposites. Plus, you've got to love Sovay's attitude. ;) (Although I wouldn't go as far as making a fan club for her...) Suffice to say, you've got me intrigued, (which can be a hard thing to do) keep on writing!
- Karma
6/7/2003 c9 3Karsten
Scotia m'lady, what's up with the changing of chapters? I keep getting buzzed by the email telling me there's a new chapter up, but when I come rushing over here to see, there never is. :(
Alae
3KarstenScotia m'lady, what's up with the changing of chapters? I keep getting buzzed by the email telling me there's a new chapter up, but when I come rushing over here to see, there never is. :(
Alae
6/5/2003 c9 Aeitul
You have a lot of great ideas and elements in this story. I especially like the idea of the Windriders. Flying like that would be so much fun.
Also, the timing for switching the perspectives is good. One or two chapters for Saphra or Sovay and then one or two for the other. You're handling the switching well.
About Sovay, though, I think you should be very careful. I understand that writers develop favorite characters and enjoy writing about them, but I just want to warn you to not put too much effort into Sovay's chapters and then slack off in Saphra's. I don't see a problem with this yet, though, so I'm not complaining or anything. Just giving a friendly warning.
So far, I like both Saphra and Sovay, though, I think I like Saphra a bit more. They're both strong, female main characters and I'm happy to see that. Go strong women!
Anyway, I hope this long review doesn't bore you and I hope that the next chapter is out soon. I can't wait to see where this story is really going!
You have a lot of great ideas and elements in this story. I especially like the idea of the Windriders. Flying like that would be so much fun.
Also, the timing for switching the perspectives is good. One or two chapters for Saphra or Sovay and then one or two for the other. You're handling the switching well.
About Sovay, though, I think you should be very careful. I understand that writers develop favorite characters and enjoy writing about them, but I just want to warn you to not put too much effort into Sovay's chapters and then slack off in Saphra's. I don't see a problem with this yet, though, so I'm not complaining or anything. Just giving a friendly warning.
So far, I like both Saphra and Sovay, though, I think I like Saphra a bit more. They're both strong, female main characters and I'm happy to see that. Go strong women!
Anyway, I hope this long review doesn't bore you and I hope that the next chapter is out soon. I can't wait to see where this story is really going!
6/4/2003 c9 The-Mighty-Koshi
Excellent chapter here. I love the mystery of this whole plot and I hope it will continue into the next chapter. Please keep writing I am hanging on your every word.
*bows*
Excellent chapter here. I love the mystery of this whole plot and I hope it will continue into the next chapter. Please keep writing I am hanging on your every word.
*bows*
6/3/2003 c9 9Magentian
Ach! Quite apart from being very impressed (again), I am now frustrated to boot! Thanks a lot! I hate being hopelessly confused... a mysterious prophecy which makes no sense... some mysterious figure which we've probably already met before... some mysterious title clue which, as I'm only Filipino/German/Slovak (with perhaps a bit of Spanish), I have no clue about... Damn, too many mysteries. It's like you're dangling a juicy carrot in front of me, but I don't know where it is... lol
Anyway... hmm, I barely noticed Saphra's impulsiveness, so far she's done pretty much exactly what I would do, down to the letter... You're lucky to have a brother, I know I couldn't have written that scene realistically at all, but you made it really funny. Some taunting references to Saphra's past... kind of interesting, I never really thought about what her past life before the academy might be like... I guess I just took it for granted. Better stop doing that, huh? ^_^ Good stuff, per usual... Hope to see the next chapter up soon!
9MagentianAch! Quite apart from being very impressed (again), I am now frustrated to boot! Thanks a lot! I hate being hopelessly confused... a mysterious prophecy which makes no sense... some mysterious figure which we've probably already met before... some mysterious title clue which, as I'm only Filipino/German/Slovak (with perhaps a bit of Spanish), I have no clue about... Damn, too many mysteries. It's like you're dangling a juicy carrot in front of me, but I don't know where it is... lol
Anyway... hmm, I barely noticed Saphra's impulsiveness, so far she's done pretty much exactly what I would do, down to the letter... You're lucky to have a brother, I know I couldn't have written that scene realistically at all, but you made it really funny. Some taunting references to Saphra's past... kind of interesting, I never really thought about what her past life before the academy might be like... I guess I just took it for granted. Better stop doing that, huh? ^_^ Good stuff, per usual... Hope to see the next chapter up soon!
6/2/2003 c8 6Belle the Shadow-Cat
Mutiny is fun ^_^ LOL I LOVED THAT CHAPTer by the way. Really? Air Fogradh means Exiled. I"ll Log that away. That's pretty cool
Keep Writing
6Belle the Shadow-CatMutiny is fun ^_^ LOL I LOVED THAT CHAPTer by the way. Really? Air Fogradh means Exiled. I"ll Log that away. That's pretty cool
Keep Writing
6/1/2003 c9 23Silver Magiccraft
Can't wait. I hope to see more very soon. And I'm always confused about one thing or another, so more confusion doesn't bother me...
Sayonara
~~Silv~~
23Silver MagiccraftCan't wait. I hope to see more very soon. And I'm always confused about one thing or another, so more confusion doesn't bother me...
Sayonara
~~Silv~~
6/1/2003 c1 Queen Serendipity
O this is intruiging... a spot confusing... but intriguing nonetheless.
O this is intruiging... a spot confusing... but intriguing nonetheless.
5/31/2003 c8 wacka dkid
a bit of foreshadowing in the end? its a great closing line. youve explained why she was recruited and all. great! update!
-krissa
a bit of foreshadowing in the end? its a great closing line. youve explained why she was recruited and all. great! update!
-krissa
5/30/2003 c8 geuss
I told you I'd be back, so I am - "I may run it high but I never tell a lie. That's me in a nutshell!" Anyway, I like the "happy wings" part. Very funny. Well, it looks like we've got another grey character to add to the mix - they _are_ so much fun. I still think Lt. Tollin should resemble the comment, not resent it. Maybe when someone finds out he can get royally miffed and start sulking and accidentaly turning things to gold, and then sulking even more, turning more things to gold and so on until they have to beg him to stop being so miff-ed so he won't sink the boat by turnig _it_ into gold as well. Well, I'm glad Saphra hasn't forgotten about her sister entirely. Does she suspect Ashiri has been conscripted or something for the Northern front? Also a bit of history on the Arpaka and why their contiued existance can be neither confirmed nor denied. (The other day my brother was going on and on and on about how he can neither confirm nor deny wether he will or will not be going to a Cubs game we have tickets for on Saturday. Now, my question is if when you use a double negative you effectively get a positive (litotes), then what to you get when you use a double maybe? A negative like i^2? Or just confusion? Anyway, I know that I'm using this like an e-mail but . . . it's so much fun! Besides, these thoughts just pop into my head when I'm rading this. If anyone besides Scotia Li has read this far, I don't know wether to pity you or say that I hope you enjoy my absolutely _exquisite_ writing.(joke) Drat. Speaking tone is awful hard to put into one sentance. Anyway, when you post another chapter (or before if I am so inspired), once again I SHALL BE BACK! Till then, guhbye!
-not telling. But if you han't figured out by now, let us use thine head to knock and bring luck.
I told you I'd be back, so I am - "I may run it high but I never tell a lie. That's me in a nutshell!" Anyway, I like the "happy wings" part. Very funny. Well, it looks like we've got another grey character to add to the mix - they _are_ so much fun. I still think Lt. Tollin should resemble the comment, not resent it. Maybe when someone finds out he can get royally miffed and start sulking and accidentaly turning things to gold, and then sulking even more, turning more things to gold and so on until they have to beg him to stop being so miff-ed so he won't sink the boat by turnig _it_ into gold as well. Well, I'm glad Saphra hasn't forgotten about her sister entirely. Does she suspect Ashiri has been conscripted or something for the Northern front? Also a bit of history on the Arpaka and why their contiued existance can be neither confirmed nor denied. (The other day my brother was going on and on and on about how he can neither confirm nor deny wether he will or will not be going to a Cubs game we have tickets for on Saturday. Now, my question is if when you use a double negative you effectively get a positive (litotes), then what to you get when you use a double maybe? A negative like i^2? Or just confusion? Anyway, I know that I'm using this like an e-mail but . . . it's so much fun! Besides, these thoughts just pop into my head when I'm rading this. If anyone besides Scotia Li has read this far, I don't know wether to pity you or say that I hope you enjoy my absolutely _exquisite_ writing.(joke) Drat. Speaking tone is awful hard to put into one sentance. Anyway, when you post another chapter (or before if I am so inspired), once again I SHALL BE BACK! Till then, guhbye!
-not telling. But if you han't figured out by now, let us use thine head to knock and bring luck.