for The Quicksilver Medallion5/30/2003 c7 geuss
Well, I haven't gotten to the new chapter yet, but this one is in the way, so I will rereveiiw this one to. mleh. Take that. Anyway, painting the deck red seems a bit obvious to me, perhaps a more subtle one would word better, considering Sovay's character. Maybe something like reassignments in the teams for swabbing the decks ('cuz some of the crews gunna be dead! Besides, after all that blood, someone has to clean it up!) Also, I liked the bit at the begining with her perfect salute etc. - a bit like Lieutenant Maxwell. Hmm, the part is over now, but a bit ago Mulan was getting ready to run away from home and the song sounded really cool on the speakers, even if the television tends to bite of limbs. Meiko was very interested in the speaker and was looking at it intently. Anyway, back to the rereveiwing. In the second to last section of the chapter, it might be a good idea to consistantly refer to Sovay as either "the midshipman" or "the mutineer" not only to make it make more sense but also to create distance from Sovay so she can be properly evilish. Now - on to the next chapter. Await my next installment for truely is as I say - I SHALL be back. Untill then,
-not telling
Well, I haven't gotten to the new chapter yet, but this one is in the way, so I will rereveiiw this one to. mleh. Take that. Anyway, painting the deck red seems a bit obvious to me, perhaps a more subtle one would word better, considering Sovay's character. Maybe something like reassignments in the teams for swabbing the decks ('cuz some of the crews gunna be dead! Besides, after all that blood, someone has to clean it up!) Also, I liked the bit at the begining with her perfect salute etc. - a bit like Lieutenant Maxwell. Hmm, the part is over now, but a bit ago Mulan was getting ready to run away from home and the song sounded really cool on the speakers, even if the television tends to bite of limbs. Meiko was very interested in the speaker and was looking at it intently. Anyway, back to the rereveiwing. In the second to last section of the chapter, it might be a good idea to consistantly refer to Sovay as either "the midshipman" or "the mutineer" not only to make it make more sense but also to create distance from Sovay so she can be properly evilish. Now - on to the next chapter. Await my next installment for truely is as I say - I SHALL be back. Untill then,
-not telling
5/30/2003 c6 geuss
I was about to read the latest chapter, but then then I remembered that I had a couple of things I wanted to mention about Chapter 6 first. An explanation of how exactly Saphra got to this city might be good, otherwise it seems like she just flew off and in the middle of the sky went "I'm looking for my sister. I'll go to some sparsely populated area and look there! Hey, how about this little useless town where everyone trust no one and won't tell anyone anything!" (that sounded like one of those puzzle paragraphs where there are three people named Everbody, Somebody, and Nobody and they are all supposed to do something, but they don't know who's supposed to do it.) ANYway, some explanation might be good. Also, where did her wings go? Did she hide them somewhere or do they fold up or are there usually people walkinhg aroung with large wing shaped things (perhaps disguised as a large bird stuffed in a bag?) Rereading it I see that she mentions landing, but if it is such a little place, wouldn't someone notice if windriders are so rare. Also, at the end she says she plans on taking up the offer, but what about the sister she left school in such a hurry to find? It seems rather odd, to say the least. She doesn't seem to that little of an attention span so . . . anyway, now I'll read the next chapter. And I'll be back. So just you wait . . .
-not telling
PS: Long enough reveiw for ya? Just wait till you see the next one . . . (I haven't a clue how long it will be)
I was about to read the latest chapter, but then then I remembered that I had a couple of things I wanted to mention about Chapter 6 first. An explanation of how exactly Saphra got to this city might be good, otherwise it seems like she just flew off and in the middle of the sky went "I'm looking for my sister. I'll go to some sparsely populated area and look there! Hey, how about this little useless town where everyone trust no one and won't tell anyone anything!" (that sounded like one of those puzzle paragraphs where there are three people named Everbody, Somebody, and Nobody and they are all supposed to do something, but they don't know who's supposed to do it.) ANYway, some explanation might be good. Also, where did her wings go? Did she hide them somewhere or do they fold up or are there usually people walkinhg aroung with large wing shaped things (perhaps disguised as a large bird stuffed in a bag?) Rereading it I see that she mentions landing, but if it is such a little place, wouldn't someone notice if windriders are so rare. Also, at the end she says she plans on taking up the offer, but what about the sister she left school in such a hurry to find? It seems rather odd, to say the least. She doesn't seem to that little of an attention span so . . . anyway, now I'll read the next chapter. And I'll be back. So just you wait . . .
-not telling
PS: Long enough reveiw for ya? Just wait till you see the next one . . . (I haven't a clue how long it will be)
5/30/2003 c8 Jazmyne again
Again, I gotta disagree. Sure, there ain't much characterization in the second chapter. Big deal.
Meep...I feel obligated to defend this story, cuz I like it so much... -jazinha
Again, I gotta disagree. Sure, there ain't much characterization in the second chapter. Big deal.
Meep...I feel obligated to defend this story, cuz I like it so much... -jazinha
5/29/2003 c1 
4Straw-wolf
Interesting, I believe I'll have to read more to quench my curiosity, keep up the good writing!
4Straw-wolfInteresting, I believe I'll have to read more to quench my curiosity, keep up the good writing!
5/29/2003 c2 17zamnath
Your allusions are fairly weak and out of focus and your characters are fairly shallow. Good potential though so just keep thinking about the form of your writing. Ideas are good. (you dont have to review any of my stuff if you dont want to but if you do id suggest one of longer poems or the story "tradition", thank you)
17zamnathYour allusions are fairly weak and out of focus and your characters are fairly shallow. Good potential though so just keep thinking about the form of your writing. Ideas are good. (you dont have to review any of my stuff if you dont want to but if you do id suggest one of longer poems or the story "tradition", thank you)
5/29/2003 c8 Jazmyne Waters
Wow, I totally disagree with some of the other reviewers. I _like_ things being unexplained-you really have to watch the details. I think we're supposed to be a bit confused. It's very Dickensian.
Write more. ^-^ -jazw
Wow, I totally disagree with some of the other reviewers. I _like_ things being unexplained-you really have to watch the details. I think we're supposed to be a bit confused. It's very Dickensian.
Write more. ^-^ -jazw
5/29/2003 c6 FROJO
this half of the story is confusing. The sovay parts are easy to understand, but whenevr saphra comes in , its almost like you expect the reader to know exactly what the characters are talking about.
this half of the story is confusing. The sovay parts are easy to understand, but whenevr saphra comes in , its almost like you expect the reader to know exactly what the characters are talking about.
5/29/2003 c5 FROJO
very good cliffhanger.
i am beginning to understand this story a bt better, so ill keep reading.
very good cliffhanger.
i am beginning to understand this story a bt better, so ill keep reading.
5/29/2003 c8 3Karsten
Hello. :)
First, I'm glad to see you have a command of basic writing technique. Second, I like your style. Although I really hate parentheses (sp?) in text, I like your writing.
Characters - Love Sovay! She's just the coolest. :p Not so sure about Saphra. Not sure why. I think it's because we don't really see into her mind. Sovay's actions tell us all about her character, but all I can say for Saphra is that she cares for Ashiri.
Action - I liked Sovay's chapters better than Saphra's. The mutiny was great fun, but I feel that it was a little too easy. If it really was a walkover, could you tell us that beforehand? Go into detail about why the captain is so hated. You mentioned punishments and so on, but I felt it was a case of 'tell' rather than 'show'.
Hope that helped. :) Don't feel forced to review me. I've only just started posting anyway, and I'm reviewing this because I liked it, not because I want a review of my own.
3KarstenHello. :)
First, I'm glad to see you have a command of basic writing technique. Second, I like your style. Although I really hate parentheses (sp?) in text, I like your writing.
Characters - Love Sovay! She's just the coolest. :p Not so sure about Saphra. Not sure why. I think it's because we don't really see into her mind. Sovay's actions tell us all about her character, but all I can say for Saphra is that she cares for Ashiri.
Action - I liked Sovay's chapters better than Saphra's. The mutiny was great fun, but I feel that it was a little too easy. If it really was a walkover, could you tell us that beforehand? Go into detail about why the captain is so hated. You mentioned punishments and so on, but I felt it was a case of 'tell' rather than 'show'.
Hope that helped. :) Don't feel forced to review me. I've only just started posting anyway, and I'm reviewing this because I liked it, not because I want a review of my own.
5/29/2003 c8 9Magentian
^_^ Cool. It's progressing nicely. I knew something was fishy about that institution, you can never trust large and powerful governments, or any governments for that matter... I love Therris' nickname, though... Sissy Moo! ^_^ Action and humor... what more would anyone want in a story? Keep it up, I like everything more every time I read a new chapter. ^_^
9Magentian^_^ Cool. It's progressing nicely. I knew something was fishy about that institution, you can never trust large and powerful governments, or any governments for that matter... I love Therris' nickname, though... Sissy Moo! ^_^ Action and humor... what more would anyone want in a story? Keep it up, I like everything more every time I read a new chapter. ^_^
5/29/2003 c7 Magentian
w00t! Mutiny! All right! I guess this update came much faster than I had expected. Sovay continues to reach all-new levels of coolness... who cares about her dark side, everyone has one! Her dark side's cool, too! I think it's official, everyone loves Sovay, and if there's a fanclub, I'm in! ^_^ Go girl go! Wonderful narraration in this chapter, btw. Onward to chapter 8!
w00t! Mutiny! All right! I guess this update came much faster than I had expected. Sovay continues to reach all-new levels of coolness... who cares about her dark side, everyone has one! Her dark side's cool, too! I think it's official, everyone loves Sovay, and if there's a fanclub, I'm in! ^_^ Go girl go! Wonderful narraration in this chapter, btw. Onward to chapter 8!
5/28/2003 c8 12Naamela
Hm...I can't find any spelling or grammatical errors. Except for the sentences I intentionally left as fragments, but hey, grammar rules were made to be broken!
Glad you could find some characters you like, Rob1. If you like Hawk and Rusten, just wait until you meet Jiranor. He's a pretty cool character...and that's all I'm saying for the moment.
Again, thanks for sticking with this story! Reviews for y'all are under way ^-^
~~Scotia Li
12NaamelaHm...I can't find any spelling or grammatical errors. Except for the sentences I intentionally left as fragments, but hey, grammar rules were made to be broken!
Glad you could find some characters you like, Rob1. If you like Hawk and Rusten, just wait until you meet Jiranor. He's a pretty cool character...and that's all I'm saying for the moment.
Again, thanks for sticking with this story! Reviews for y'all are under way ^-^
~~Scotia Li
5/28/2003 c8 3Rob1
I retract my former statement. I have found characters I can like, notably Hawk and Rusten.
Keep up the good work.
3Rob1I retract my former statement. I have found characters I can like, notably Hawk and Rusten.
Keep up the good work.
5/28/2003 c8 The-Mighty-Koshi
Wonderful chapter. And no, I don't think I can give any critism without lying. A few grammer and\or speeling mistakes but other than that I see no flaws. Excllent writing please continue.
*Bows*
Wonderful chapter. And no, I don't think I can give any critism without lying. A few grammer and\or speeling mistakes but other than that I see no flaws. Excllent writing please continue.
*Bows*