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8/21/2003 c25 Rachel
rofl. i'm actually recognising some of these words [like 'drek'] :D. buaha. lol ;). i really liked this chapter! Saphara's thoughts are pretty amusing ^^.
8/21/2003 c25 7ONEthousandWORDs
this twas nice! I REALLY don't like the lil' dwarf guy. I suppose you're not suppose to. And I decided that I DO like Sovay... least in this chappy... all her talk about turning enemies into friends made me happy! ^^; And Jiranor is a sad sad man. He is goddified by most of the world, and then gets a bit sweet on just any random girl (ok... Saphra... but there was something about that Lalalalalellia person that got to him...) and has HUGE guilt problems. It's all slightly depressing. But I LOVE the story. And I shall continue to read this... if you write... *evil glare* WRITEWRITEWRITE! I will also be sure to read your other stories sometime. And review them.
8/21/2003 c3 1Dave Lee

Very, very well written so far. I have high standards just as you do, and I'm impressed. A lot of good descriptive writing and (a little too?) fast-paced action. The only thing I can suggest right now is describing Saphra a little more from the get-go, so that the reader can connect with her more.

Happy writing!


P.S. If you think Linn is weak, keep reading =)
8/20/2003 c23 2Beran
Well, this is my second review on this story so far (I've been gone for six weeks, and spent the last week catching up on my various storys and webcomics, and saved the best for last... yes thats this one!) and this one is of dire, dire importance. You have committed the worst fault that a writer can in my opinion. You used the word bosun.

I've been in the Royal Canadian Sea Cadets for five years and can tell you no one affiliated with any english speaking navy that I know anything about (I'm not sure about the american navy... you americans did enjoy blatently spiting the british way back when, so I wouldn't put it past you, but it doesn't mumch seem to be based off of an american navy, but what am I to say.) spells it bosun. While this is pronounced this way, and the dictionary has this hideous spelling that doesn't make it right! the proper shorthand for the word boatswain (for anyone who doesn't know, that is what she's saying.) is Bos'n.

Sorry if I seem a bit... psychotic about it but its one of my few pet peeves... that almost every writer does.

Course on the other hand you're the author, and a mumch better one then I. If you dont care, I wont. Not worth stopping reading the best thing I've seen on this site so far over.

Keep up the good work, I'm looking forward to the next chapter now, golems always make for fun times!
8/19/2003 c4 12Robin the Jarbog
That was short. It made me sad.
8/19/2003 c2 54Werecat99
*Saphra’s idea of fun was a little bit strange.* Loved that line. It seems as if it sums up the entire chapter.

What's a Dionoid?

Overall, a very powerful chapter. I could almost feel their struggle to win, the wind on my face.

And let me add this: It's *so* refreshing to read a story from someone who can write so well as you do. You wouldn't believe the stories I've seen out there...

I'll be back for more.
8/19/2003 c1 Werecat99
So, here I am, as requested.

Loved the first chapter. I'm intrigued about the origin of the infant. Where has she come from? The future? The Fae? he Gods? Wherever her place of origin is, I definitely want to read more.
8/19/2003 c24 9Magentian
Lovely chapter, Skosh. *applauds* golems with Yiddish accents! Makethran for the first time in about 5 chapters! Despite the fact that you don't like him, he still comes off okay here, at least to me. Hah, I knew there was a conspiracy involved in that gym as soon as you said the new fighters were muscly. Although I don't know why... perhaps it just struck me as an unusual thing to include... *grin*

That power Makie has... is it just fight-or-flight (which can be VERY powerful, I know), or, (and this is more likely), is it just some Child thing? Probably the latter. It might be interesting to see if Jir and Saph develop anything of these 'powers'.

Ah, speaking of Jir and Saph... why is it their parts always seem to have the funniest stuff in them? The little quirks in narraration always seem to happen around them. ^_^ Not that I'm complaining at all!

See ya next chapter!
8/18/2003 c24 The-Mighty-Koshi
*shakes head* You did the best you could. Oh well, being abducted is good enough anyway. The golems are going to be awesome in the next chappie, I know it. Keep up the great work and make more chapters.

8/18/2003 c24 2BuffLie
Just when I think you can't throw in any more twists... there you go confusing me and adding in more stuff! Omg! I love it :)
8/17/2003 c24 The Highwaywoman
yay, updates! i so love those... what a cliffhanger. can't wait for the next chapter... i doth loveth jiranor. nice job. write more soon... this story is getting massive.
8/17/2003 c24 7ONEthousandWORDs
this WAS rather a nice chappy... I have to admit... and then there's the whole Saphra/Jiranor thing going on... heehee ^_^ and I don't particuarly like Jiranor... or Makethren... and there ARE times when I want to strangle Saphra (for being innocent or inquistive or just plain dumb) and Sovay because she can be so mean and power-hungry. and pretty close to evil. I'm worried about the overall goodness-ratio of the charas in this story. But I LOVE the plot... so the evilness of the charas won't be able to drive me away... and it helps that they are nicely developed... well, Saphra is, and Sovay is getting close to being well developed, and there is quite a bit of material to work with for Makethran and Jiranor, so they could end up being really deep charas
8/17/2003 c3 10DrunkenMonkeyKing
Wow this is really interesting. I first got interested because I saw how many chapters and reviews you had, and it really does seem that good. Wish I could give some sort of advice, but you seem to have everything perfect, so I'll just repeat: good job.
8/16/2003 c2 12Robin the Jarbog
Another great chapter! I love the world you're creating.
8/15/2003 c23 The-Mighty-Koshi
O.k. I'll anger you by saying that it would be cool for Sovay's theme (This is Sovay she deserves driving music! Maybe not Pirates of the Caribean but hey she deserves loud and driving music!)or some thingie. So...really god chappy it was overwhelming sad and happy all in one. My eyes are wide and teary. Believe me. Until next chapter.


p.s. Halfway through! Ya, that means there's LOTS left! *cheers*
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