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for A Simple Twist Of Fate

5/18/2003 c1 12Naamela
Hey, it's me, returning your reviews!

I like how you've set up the felida world and culture and everything. It's well done, but doesn't expose too much at once. There are a couple problems with repetitiveness that I think you could get rid of if you reread this chapter. No big deal.

I'll be back to read the rest! Keep it up ^_~

Scotia Li
5/14/2003 c1 Kihru
Wow yourz is really good! Anyways to answer your review thier have elf/dragon. Sorry that I didn't make that clear. A spell makes them seem human so they don't get killed every where they go.

5/11/2003 c1 Daiger
Hi, just wanted to say hi to a great story. Wait, did I say that?

I already reviewed your story. I just want to check on you. I hope you're making the next chapter or maybe you're just busy doing something. In any case, I hope good luck to your story and yourself.

Oh, and a few tips too.

Use adverbs sparingly.

Don't describe your character's clothes (or skins) fully. Throw bits of it instead along with the relevant stuff.

Check for spelling and grammar errors.

Sorry if I sound critical, just giving some help.

Spell ya later!
5/4/2003 c2 kcididfnord
That's so sad, what happened to Cytosine's family ... I'm glad the felidas forgave Dravidian, though. I wonder what's going to happen on the mountain ... I'll read more as soon as I can and find out. ^_^ Keep writing!
5/1/2003 c1 14DigiDayDreamer
Hi Belle. Sorry if I haven't made any changes with my profile, but I just got at my destination. Hope you're doing well cuz mine is just beginning. ^_^

Anyway, I just want to comment something. I've been having reviews lately from new people and those new people are the same ones who reviewed your story. Hmm, makes me wonder if it was you who is partly responsible for the new reviews or maybe it was just dumb luck. Any rate, thanks for reviewing my story. I'm working on the last chapter and it's the longest ever.

Hope I finish it soon.

Spell ya later!
5/1/2003 c7 17VladimirsAngel
Really enjoyed reading this. Your characters are very rich (that griffin is great fun) and besides I'm a sucker for good stories about anthro-type felines.

Hope you continue. ^_^
4/27/2003 c1 54Werecat99
To start with, I loved your heroine's name. Although it reminds me slightly of sience class at school...

Liked the cat scene and the background information. And these are fast kitties... Especially when they hear the can opener, I guess.

Poor kitty, having lost her family, by dragons of all creatures.

When she finds the dragons, it will be a very interesting meeting.

Loved it already!
4/24/2003 c7 27Loganberry
What I find particularly interesting is the inclusion of humans. It's not that common to have them in this sort of story, and I'm intrigued as to whether there might be more to that than meets the eye. We shall see...!
4/17/2003 c7 14DigiDayDreamer
It's about time! I was about to take a nap when your chapter came up. All right! I'll start with the good stuff.

Thanks for responding to my review and explaining the stuff I didn't understand. Also, maybe it's just me but I think Dravidian is becoming more concerned with Cytosine, being worried about her and all. ^_^ Who knows? I'm predicting romance in the later chapters. And Silver and Luna seem to know her well enough, trying to stop Dravidian from being rash. And two new characters, both griffons. I like the nicknames too, they give authencity in my opinion. I'm surprised there were humans in your stories. I thought it was only animals. The butterfly-cocoon analogy is well-used.

Now, criticism:

'Not far from the river Dravidian, Luna and Silver were followed lays ruins of an abandoned human city.'

Remove 'were' and change 'lays' to 'lay'.

"Cytosine," he panted. "She-she fell!" "Fell!" exclaimed Dravidian.

Separate the two sentences and change "Fell!" to "Fell?" to make Dravidian sound more surprised.

That's all I could find. No story mistakes. I'll try to bring up my next chapter soon.

Spell ya later!
4/10/2003 c6 DigiDayDreamer
Great anthropomorphic story. I like those dashes of humor, like catnip singing (oops typo) and the cerberus, have strange names corresponding to their elements like Blaze, Ember and Flare(?). Also the legends were a nice touch to the story, makes me wonder if Luna was ever that bored to listen to those. . .things. Personally, I just skim the legends to get a general idea, but I try to understand what relevance it has to the story, though.~_~

Also some mistakes, like who's Lupus and the day/night paradox? Otherwise, it's a good story. I also like Dravidian very much, since he's a dragon and he acts like someone I know. Hope to see the next chpater soon.

Oh, a little note: THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEWS! Forgive me for capping. I just get excited when one reviewer comes into my life. It's like heaven rejoices over one repentant sinner than over 99 unrepentant sinner, except on a lower scale, of course! ^_^

Forgive me for such a late review. I was going to do one, but my story kept nagging me.~_~ Anyway.

Spell ya later!
4/6/2003 c2 27Loganberry
Right, *finally* got around to reading (some of) this, and I'm glad I did. Quite an ambitious sort of story to carry off well, but you're doing it so far, I think. I shall return to read more before long!


Oh, and I'm delighted to find a reviewer even more obsessed with grammar than me! hiro-0911 makes some very good points, but - and I think this may be a first - I'm going to say "oi, you! That's too nitpicky"!

For example, I *completely* disagree about the point about the cats' speed. As an example, consider this sentence:

"John knew that tigers were rare."

Note, *were*. Saying, "John knew that tigers are rare" looks *horrible*. So something like:

"the cats' top speed was around 65 or 70, though some could hit 80..."

looks fine to me.

Another example. One of hiro-0911's suggested replacement phrases uses "like what", which is *terrible* standard English. That's not to say you should necessarily avoid it, of course, as people don't generally think in perfect English... but it's just asking for trouble if you use it in a "corrected" version!

Finally, "neither were". Same thing as for "like what" - it's not strictly correct, but if it fits the style of your story, then go ahead. Writing has lots of rules, and many are important... but not one is unbreakable in every case. The trick is in deciding when to break them.

So =:P to hiro-0911. First rule of nitpicking - any tiny mistakes you make *will* be torn to shreds!
3/28/2003 c6 7Xero Maverick
Hey, I'd better be in the thanks of the next chapter, 'Belle'. :P

These legend things are kind of cool. Sometimes I wonder how exactly Silver has them memorized word for word...

Ah, now typos and errors.

"One day as he was walking one night, alone, thinking of his plans when a wolf jumped in front of him..."

"One day as he was walking one night"? Er, is it a day or is it a night here?

"Lupus and Midnight went towards the source of light and bowed..."

Um... am I missing something here? Who's Lupus?

Other than that, you'd better finish that next chapter and get more reviews up on TDT. :P
3/28/2003 c5 Xero Maverick
Wow. This is my favourite chapter!
3/28/2003 c4 Xero Maverick
Hmm... is the cerberus Scottish or is he just a country hick? That accent is just... strange.

I wanna' see some blood here. Every enemy they've come across so far, they've befriended. First Dravidian and now the country hick cerberus.

"I once ate a boiled oil, but it dinnae satisfy."
3/28/2003 c3 Xero Maverick
Yay, chappy three done. You know, the legend about how Solana distinguishes the felines from the other animals reminds me of how Lord Frith gave El-Ahrairah's rabbit clan thingy special abilities to distinguish them from the other animals in the Watership Down movie. Neh. Good stuff, though. On to chappy four.
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