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for The Summer's End

6/11/2006 c1 32pointythings
This is pretty nice, but I think you should look at every comma and change most of them to line breaks. The lines get sort of unwieldy. Also, you don't need the phrases 'wishing the summer wasn't over' and 'hugging the moment closer to me, hoping it will never end'. Those things can be inferred. I like the imagery though. ~pointythings
4/2/2003 c1 142youguessedit
OOh... this I like! It really flows about. Poems like this are like... feathers, very graceful despite the fact that they may be sporadic. So much, in fact, that it just lets your mind wander. And it explores innocence of childhood without becoming sappy. Very delicate balance here, and wonderful work.

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