Just In
for Night

3/16/2003 c1 23suckerplucker
I really liked this. But i have a few comments. In line 1, you have "that which" which really doesnt work, you kind of have to pick one. I really liked your image of night as a ship, but it seemed lost in your constant switching back and forth in metaphors. The long scentacey lines in the middle about poets (9+10) seemed out of place and lost among the abstact short free verse lines that made up the rest. How does night "notify" the sleepers? Are you using the word correctly?

I think that this poem has enough ideas and contents to make up 3 or 4 poems, one on night as a ship, on on night being overlooked, one on night as a poetic inspiration, and one on nights many jobs. I think that it would be much stronger if you kept the same beginning all the way through, and didn't switch from "Night..." to "You..." maybe if you shift the last lines to "Night, you..." it will work. What i enjoyed most about this poem were your obvious passion for the subject, and the feeling of night as a mother and protector that pervaded the entire piece.


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