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6/4/2003 c1 42Caitir
Very nice. I like this. to me it seems like one of those perfect gorgeous spring days when the sky is that deep-looking blue and everything seems to sparkle.
3/16/2003 c1 23suckerplucker
i really like the images here, but i have a few coments. First off, as a whole the poem is so powerful, but it seems to be weakened by the cliche in line 3, also, what do you mean by "with it strive" in line 8? I think you may need to look strive up. Also, the last stanza is just a bit confusing, are you looking at a pool or a river or a lake or what? Im just a bit lost over that. Finally, you waxed a bit archaic in some places, especially the ending lines of your stanzas, i think the poem would be greatly improoved if you simplifiyed these and made them into more normal, moder english.

But overall i really enjoyed this, especially your 2nd line, it gives such a kind of modern art image of field of various greens and a perfect blue sky and a perfect yellow sun, really stellar.

zac

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