for Loki8/1/2003 c1 Alaurei
Hey, this is Nicki, Emberlye's good 'ol friend. I've had time on my hands so I decided to get cracking and read some stories. *sigh* I never have to though with school only a month away. *groan* I'll never have time then. Anyway, I'm loving the story. I've gotta tell you, you're one of the best authors I have ever read a story of here on fiction press, or anywhere. You're the next Tolkien, Stephen King! Wow, you're amazing! Words can't explain how well you write, I'm just in shock. I've gotta keep reading now, (though these chapters are quick long and it is already 1:00 am in the morning for me so, I'm sorry but, sleep has taken over for now. In the morning, I SHALL COME READ MORE! :D Whahahahaha. ...That sounded kinda evil. Anyhoo, ttyl!
~_^
-Nickel City
(my motto)
"To infinity, and beyond!"
Hey, this is Nicki, Emberlye's good 'ol friend. I've had time on my hands so I decided to get cracking and read some stories. *sigh* I never have to though with school only a month away. *groan* I'll never have time then. Anyway, I'm loving the story. I've gotta tell you, you're one of the best authors I have ever read a story of here on fiction press, or anywhere. You're the next Tolkien, Stephen King! Wow, you're amazing! Words can't explain how well you write, I'm just in shock. I've gotta keep reading now, (though these chapters are quick long and it is already 1:00 am in the morning for me so, I'm sorry but, sleep has taken over for now. In the morning, I SHALL COME READ MORE! :D Whahahahaha. ...That sounded kinda evil. Anyhoo, ttyl!
~_^
-Nickel City
(my motto)
"To infinity, and beyond!"
7/20/2003 c9 
14DigiDayDreamer
A humbling experience, huh? Well, everybody's their own worst critic and yours. . .um, let's get to the next point.
Your story isn't as bad as you think it is. The transition maybe a bit hard to grasp but the characters are the real stars here. You know, when I started my first story, I always found it best to focus on the characters, since there couldn't be a story without them. Because if you concentrate on showing your characters better, indirectly the story gets better too. And another tip: don't be so degrading on yourself. If you are, then you probably haven't realize how many people like your story as it is. Of course, any story can be better in the hands of the right writer, but face it: the only hands you have are yours. And yet I'm not saying your work is mediocre, it's just you haven't matured to your writer's potential. Do your best to improve your writing skills and revise any chapter you find empty and vague. (But I assure you, no chapters are vague or empty if you show your passion and emotion in your writing.)
Well, that's all I can think of, Zelle. I hope this review helps you more than I can imagine.^_^
And thanks for the reviews too. ^_^
Spell ya later!~Daiger
14DigiDayDreamerA humbling experience, huh? Well, everybody's their own worst critic and yours. . .um, let's get to the next point.
Your story isn't as bad as you think it is. The transition maybe a bit hard to grasp but the characters are the real stars here. You know, when I started my first story, I always found it best to focus on the characters, since there couldn't be a story without them. Because if you concentrate on showing your characters better, indirectly the story gets better too. And another tip: don't be so degrading on yourself. If you are, then you probably haven't realize how many people like your story as it is. Of course, any story can be better in the hands of the right writer, but face it: the only hands you have are yours. And yet I'm not saying your work is mediocre, it's just you haven't matured to your writer's potential. Do your best to improve your writing skills and revise any chapter you find empty and vague. (But I assure you, no chapters are vague or empty if you show your passion and emotion in your writing.)
Well, that's all I can think of, Zelle. I hope this review helps you more than I can imagine.^_^
And thanks for the reviews too. ^_^
Spell ya later!~Daiger
7/16/2003 c9 1aleppine
... well, if you don't mind, what was the humbling experience? (: |
I reckon you managed surreal pretty well, if a little jumpy between tarnsitions of setting - but I mentioned that in the last chapter. Take it from an artist ;) Anyway, surreal can be anything you want it to be, as long as it's weird ... so ner to whoever told you it wasn't. And don't blast yourself. It doesn't leave much for us to do, otehrwise :D JOKING! I have really enjoyed your fic, and that's what matters. Currently, you've been writing witha very informal style; this is quite often very entertaining, but at times it's a little ... I don't know, but it can be reworked. Play with the words, that's what I'd say. Redraft all you like - it's usually worth it. If you're not happy with a chapter, keep working on it - even if everyone else is happy. Don't write for them, write for you! Be selfish! Hehe. You have some beautiful imagery skills, I would personally love to see more of them, but whilst describing, sit back and reread phrases and similes and metaphors and see whether you can come up with a more interesting way of structuring them ... with you, it's not the content of the writing where the faults may lie, but the way in which it's pieced together.
There, I hope that was constructive ;) I don't normally do critical reviews, it's not for me to tell people how to write, but they're just some changes I'd make it if it were my work. However, those kind of changes are subject to style, and style can be a very independent thing.
Hope to see more soon ;)
1aleppine... well, if you don't mind, what was the humbling experience? (: |
I reckon you managed surreal pretty well, if a little jumpy between tarnsitions of setting - but I mentioned that in the last chapter. Take it from an artist ;) Anyway, surreal can be anything you want it to be, as long as it's weird ... so ner to whoever told you it wasn't. And don't blast yourself. It doesn't leave much for us to do, otehrwise :D JOKING! I have really enjoyed your fic, and that's what matters. Currently, you've been writing witha very informal style; this is quite often very entertaining, but at times it's a little ... I don't know, but it can be reworked. Play with the words, that's what I'd say. Redraft all you like - it's usually worth it. If you're not happy with a chapter, keep working on it - even if everyone else is happy. Don't write for them, write for you! Be selfish! Hehe. You have some beautiful imagery skills, I would personally love to see more of them, but whilst describing, sit back and reread phrases and similes and metaphors and see whether you can come up with a more interesting way of structuring them ... with you, it's not the content of the writing where the faults may lie, but the way in which it's pieced together.
There, I hope that was constructive ;) I don't normally do critical reviews, it's not for me to tell people how to write, but they're just some changes I'd make it if it were my work. However, those kind of changes are subject to style, and style can be a very independent thing.
Hope to see more soon ;)
7/16/2003 c8 aleppine
Um ... the site still ain't showing
(: |
Damn you! Why did you stop there? I am going to be on your case to update. Just you wait ...
One thing that distrubed the *flow* a little bit was the scene-shifting - it kind of threw the story off balance in a few places. Maybe the actual change of setting itself isn't what's disturbing the *flow*, but the way in which it changes ... just something I thought worth mentioning.
Sigyn is a really cool name.
This is excellent reading, dude, I look forward to see where it's going next. Currently it feels a held breath - I'm waiting for more action, more interaction of characters with less continuous narrative, and more of Loki ...
p.s. yeah, you can get blood from down there. You can get blood from anywhere ... anyway, the vampires would know all about that, wouldn't they? ;) Mikel's the man.
Um ... the site still ain't showing
(: |
Damn you! Why did you stop there? I am going to be on your case to update. Just you wait ...
One thing that distrubed the *flow* a little bit was the scene-shifting - it kind of threw the story off balance in a few places. Maybe the actual change of setting itself isn't what's disturbing the *flow*, but the way in which it changes ... just something I thought worth mentioning.
Sigyn is a really cool name.
This is excellent reading, dude, I look forward to see where it's going next. Currently it feels a held breath - I'm waiting for more action, more interaction of characters with less continuous narrative, and more of Loki ...
p.s. yeah, you can get blood from down there. You can get blood from anywhere ... anyway, the vampires would know all about that, wouldn't they? ;) Mikel's the man.
7/16/2003 c7 aleppine
'And a door was made.'
That is such a profound line.
Don't ask me how ...
OY! GIMME THE LINK TO THIS ONLINE DICTIONARY!
... and I promise I will in return similarly assist you in any foreign/ancient languages you may need to refer to. (I speak 3 fluently and a few in smatterings, plus I have a bank of brilliant online links to Gaelic and similar ... um ... JUST GIMME THE LINK!)
I don't see why you're feeling so self-conscious :p Remember, even though you may feel a certain way about a chapter/sequence, other people who read it are doing so with fresh eyes and have no idea of the insecurities you may be creating for yourself about your work. Which is why they're in a better position to give you opinions ; )
Now, personally, I thought this chapter was as entertaining as the previous ones ... a lot of time may have been spent focusing on her distrust of Skodde, but that's kidna necessary, cos if it weren't there I'd think it naive. Sometimes Skodde seems to take on an overly-flippant and movie-style kind of personality, though ... I think I'd like to see her developed in a more mature way - as in, her acting maybe in a way that fits her status and role better. I dunno.
I maintain that Loki, in the little glimpses I've seen of him so far, is my favourite. :D
I've got one suggestion you might like, I dunno - using Norse is great, but quite a few names in the story so far now are a direct translation. How about a combination of words/word pairings/hybrids of a combination of words for future? Humour me. I love seeing people do it almost as much as I love doing it myself. I dunno if you get ma drift ... in my fic, for example, 'kelionen-annym' used Gaelic for soul and fly to create soul-fly - the piece that carries a faerie's soul. Or you could try different languages (I think there a few other, of rarer, Viking & Scandanavian dialects you could use) - like, for the weretigers, I use Latin and Arabic - eg, 'Alefeles', king of the tigers, is from Arabic 'Alef' (first letter of alphabet, ie first) and 'feles' - cat. So, it isn't a literal translation of 'king' and is also a cool hybrid.
I am babbling again. You either prolly knew all this or you're thinking, wha she goin on bout? Anyway, I love that you're using an ancient language, which is a major passion of mine, so I thought I'd mention it.
*gags self and sits on over-typing fingers*
'And a door was made.'
That is such a profound line.
Don't ask me how ...
OY! GIMME THE LINK TO THIS ONLINE DICTIONARY!
... and I promise I will in return similarly assist you in any foreign/ancient languages you may need to refer to. (I speak 3 fluently and a few in smatterings, plus I have a bank of brilliant online links to Gaelic and similar ... um ... JUST GIMME THE LINK!)
I don't see why you're feeling so self-conscious :p Remember, even though you may feel a certain way about a chapter/sequence, other people who read it are doing so with fresh eyes and have no idea of the insecurities you may be creating for yourself about your work. Which is why they're in a better position to give you opinions ; )
Now, personally, I thought this chapter was as entertaining as the previous ones ... a lot of time may have been spent focusing on her distrust of Skodde, but that's kidna necessary, cos if it weren't there I'd think it naive. Sometimes Skodde seems to take on an overly-flippant and movie-style kind of personality, though ... I think I'd like to see her developed in a more mature way - as in, her acting maybe in a way that fits her status and role better. I dunno.
I maintain that Loki, in the little glimpses I've seen of him so far, is my favourite. :D
I've got one suggestion you might like, I dunno - using Norse is great, but quite a few names in the story so far now are a direct translation. How about a combination of words/word pairings/hybrids of a combination of words for future? Humour me. I love seeing people do it almost as much as I love doing it myself. I dunno if you get ma drift ... in my fic, for example, 'kelionen-annym' used Gaelic for soul and fly to create soul-fly - the piece that carries a faerie's soul. Or you could try different languages (I think there a few other, of rarer, Viking & Scandanavian dialects you could use) - like, for the weretigers, I use Latin and Arabic - eg, 'Alefeles', king of the tigers, is from Arabic 'Alef' (first letter of alphabet, ie first) and 'feles' - cat. So, it isn't a literal translation of 'king' and is also a cool hybrid.
I am babbling again. You either prolly knew all this or you're thinking, wha she goin on bout? Anyway, I love that you're using an ancient language, which is a major passion of mine, so I thought I'd mention it.
*gags self and sits on over-typing fingers*
7/16/2003 c6 aleppine
You know what? If I'd been following this fic as you wroe it and had been left with that cliffhanger only to come and find that the next chapter posted was this author's note, I'd have not sent a search party. An assassination attempt would have been what I might have sent. Other similar possiblities come to mind ... :D
Anyway, am not unfortunate enough for this to have happened to me ... so ... will move swiftly on to next chap ... why am I still babbling? Why? ! Ach! Stop! Desist, fingers, desist from touching keyboard! Des -
You know what? If I'd been following this fic as you wroe it and had been left with that cliffhanger only to come and find that the next chapter posted was this author's note, I'd have not sent a search party. An assassination attempt would have been what I might have sent. Other similar possiblities come to mind ... :D
Anyway, am not unfortunate enough for this to have happened to me ... so ... will move swiftly on to next chap ... why am I still babbling? Why? ! Ach! Stop! Desist, fingers, desist from touching keyboard! Des -
7/16/2003 c5 aleppine
One thing, and I think it may have happened a few times earlier - sometimes you repeat the same word, even if only twice, and it is really noticable, it sticks out of some reason, disturbing the otherwise luring flow of words. This time, it was 'kindly', in the second paragraph. I know, what a minor thing to moan about, I know ... but it really does interrupt the flow in my mind, and besides, there's not much else to critisise. *shrugs*
I don't trust this pretty green-eyed boy person.
Is he a vampire? *jumps up and down*
Oh ... he's a .. one of those. Oh. Well, I knew he was rotten. *sniff*
What is it exactly that you dislike about this chapter? I found it quite entertaining ... Sigurd's guilt came through very well through his body language. One thing you could work on, perhaps, is the Nixe - what's the nature of their species, biologically and magically (if they have any powers etc?) When you say they wanna eat her, I assumed you meant as in like a lion or something, not like a vampire or a psychic vampire. Is that right?
The main thing that could be reworked is her readiness to join the ship - it now seems kinda naive of her to have jumped on without so much suspicion etc. And she's a teacher ... :D
Anyway, stop complaining. It makes a good read. :D I like where this is heading. I kept expecting Loki to appear out of nowhere and pluck her from their wide-open jaws ... will he? Hehe, next chappie ...
One thing, and I think it may have happened a few times earlier - sometimes you repeat the same word, even if only twice, and it is really noticable, it sticks out of some reason, disturbing the otherwise luring flow of words. This time, it was 'kindly', in the second paragraph. I know, what a minor thing to moan about, I know ... but it really does interrupt the flow in my mind, and besides, there's not much else to critisise. *shrugs*
I don't trust this pretty green-eyed boy person.
Is he a vampire? *jumps up and down*
Oh ... he's a .. one of those. Oh. Well, I knew he was rotten. *sniff*
What is it exactly that you dislike about this chapter? I found it quite entertaining ... Sigurd's guilt came through very well through his body language. One thing you could work on, perhaps, is the Nixe - what's the nature of their species, biologically and magically (if they have any powers etc?) When you say they wanna eat her, I assumed you meant as in like a lion or something, not like a vampire or a psychic vampire. Is that right?
The main thing that could be reworked is her readiness to join the ship - it now seems kinda naive of her to have jumped on without so much suspicion etc. And she's a teacher ... :D
Anyway, stop complaining. It makes a good read. :D I like where this is heading. I kept expecting Loki to appear out of nowhere and pluck her from their wide-open jaws ... will he? Hehe, next chappie ...
7/16/2003 c4 aleppine
Interesting cocktail of quotes you've got there :D
Hehe, I like that intro :D
I'll tell you something, this story has character :D Lots of it ...
Ok. Even if he turns out to be a bad guy, I like this Loki dude. Definitely.
O..o...oher, what a way to end that on :D
No time for talkies. Your fault.
Interesting cocktail of quotes you've got there :D
Hehe, I like that intro :D
I'll tell you something, this story has character :D Lots of it ...
Ok. Even if he turns out to be a bad guy, I like this Loki dude. Definitely.
O..o...oher, what a way to end that on :D
No time for talkies. Your fault.
7/16/2003 c3 aleppine
Oh, lovely use of descriptive language to end the day and open up the night. I like descriptions. They're the meat of a story, the cement between the bricks of the plot which hold it all together and define it. I am big on using poetic stuff in prose, I do it WAY too much ... um, but you might have noticed that :D Good to see it here, dude. Most people don't bother and get trussed up on technical details and stuff, so there's not much ATMOSPHERE for readers to sink their teeth into ...
Sorry. I have this tendency to transform my ramblings into essays ... pls forgive.
Hmm, I like the informal tone you've adopted in this story. It's entertaining. When writinf fantasy, a lot of people get stuck in this archaic form of speech, whether or not it's relevant. Yours fits. Sometimes, Zelle babbles, but mostty it's all good :D One typo - losing battle, not loosing.
Oh ... I love the bit on senses. More of that, please, definitely ...
That flashback is very intimate and specifically detailed, for lack of better words ... it was a good piece of writing.
Zelle is a really entertaining character. She seems really ... I don't know how to describe it. If she were an old lady, she'd talk to herself twice as much as all the other old ladies. :D Hehe, I think that sums it up. Now, find a word for it ...
I love the fact you've used Norse mythology. Apart from it being *completely* amazing, I always like it when writers put that kind of substance into their work - it gives a fiction more scope. If you have any good online Norse links, I'd be grateful - I need a Norse dictionary/similar to help invent titles for the werewolves ... (don't ask) ...
So it's based on a dream? It certainly does have a very dreamlike quality - apart from being abstract, she's jumped from place to place in a short space of time. Feels like Alice falling down that hole :p Excellent stuff.
Oh, lovely use of descriptive language to end the day and open up the night. I like descriptions. They're the meat of a story, the cement between the bricks of the plot which hold it all together and define it. I am big on using poetic stuff in prose, I do it WAY too much ... um, but you might have noticed that :D Good to see it here, dude. Most people don't bother and get trussed up on technical details and stuff, so there's not much ATMOSPHERE for readers to sink their teeth into ...
Sorry. I have this tendency to transform my ramblings into essays ... pls forgive.
Hmm, I like the informal tone you've adopted in this story. It's entertaining. When writinf fantasy, a lot of people get stuck in this archaic form of speech, whether or not it's relevant. Yours fits. Sometimes, Zelle babbles, but mostty it's all good :D One typo - losing battle, not loosing.
Oh ... I love the bit on senses. More of that, please, definitely ...
That flashback is very intimate and specifically detailed, for lack of better words ... it was a good piece of writing.
Zelle is a really entertaining character. She seems really ... I don't know how to describe it. If she were an old lady, she'd talk to herself twice as much as all the other old ladies. :D Hehe, I think that sums it up. Now, find a word for it ...
I love the fact you've used Norse mythology. Apart from it being *completely* amazing, I always like it when writers put that kind of substance into their work - it gives a fiction more scope. If you have any good online Norse links, I'd be grateful - I need a Norse dictionary/similar to help invent titles for the werewolves ... (don't ask) ...
So it's based on a dream? It certainly does have a very dreamlike quality - apart from being abstract, she's jumped from place to place in a short space of time. Feels like Alice falling down that hole :p Excellent stuff.
7/16/2003 c2 aleppine
Ok, for starters - HOW DO YOU DO ITALICS ON THIS DAMN THING? Why is the HTML I know not FP-compatible? Gr.
The description of this place she's stumbled into is very vividly described ... the seamlessness of the way the tree is connected to the ground put a very strong picture of life-sized chess boards into my mind, for some reason. Don't ask. It really did feel untouched.
YAY! I love the word necropolis! Hehe.*ahem* Anyway, faded dead roses wreathed in mist - nice.
'She looked like life, yet spoke like death' - that is a really good line. *applauds*
This new world, especially after her normal life as we saw it in the previous chapter (or was it prologue?) is deliciously surreal.
I still don't feel certain I've got the grasp of your writing style, though. It could just be me being groggy and tired. Oh well, next chapter ... :D
Ok, for starters - HOW DO YOU DO ITALICS ON THIS DAMN THING? Why is the HTML I know not FP-compatible? Gr.
The description of this place she's stumbled into is very vividly described ... the seamlessness of the way the tree is connected to the ground put a very strong picture of life-sized chess boards into my mind, for some reason. Don't ask. It really did feel untouched.
YAY! I love the word necropolis! Hehe.*ahem* Anyway, faded dead roses wreathed in mist - nice.
'She looked like life, yet spoke like death' - that is a really good line. *applauds*
This new world, especially after her normal life as we saw it in the previous chapter (or was it prologue?) is deliciously surreal.
I still don't feel certain I've got the grasp of your writing style, though. It could just be me being groggy and tired. Oh well, next chapter ... :D
7/15/2003 c8 14DigiDayDreamer
Hey, maybe it's just me, but I think Zelle is in one of those dream sequence where she figures out some of the important stuff in the story?
Hmm, I think it was good for Zelle to have Sigurd and Skodde disappear on her, if that was your opinion too.
Hmm, Sigyn is very mysterious and misunderstood. And her connections with Zelle? It's pretty obvious by now she's related to the main character with reasons I could comprehend in the later chapters.
Oh, a dragon! I'm very hyped up when it comes to dragons. ^_^ I even have my own dragon muse!
Nogar: Hey, leave me out of this crazy review! *Flies away*
O_O Whoa. . .That never happened before. Oh well.
Sacrifice and rituals? O_O Go back to the present! I think she's in the age too far away! Oh, wait. She came back. *sheepish grin*
. . .
You know what? All this events are getting more absurd every minute? Yet you make it sound just if it was all part of reality, even with the earthquakes and slow-motion people.
Keep up with the great descriptions! I can't get enough of them. Especially at the end, when she saw Sigyn by the waterfalls and when she began climbing down.
Hopefully, you'll continue writing this. Once again, I can't find some criticism at the moment (due to the fact you did this chapter so well)
Also, I want to thank you for the reviews on my stories and poems. They really made up my day.
Well, gotta get back to tending my stories!
Spell ya later!
14DigiDayDreamerHey, maybe it's just me, but I think Zelle is in one of those dream sequence where she figures out some of the important stuff in the story?
Hmm, I think it was good for Zelle to have Sigurd and Skodde disappear on her, if that was your opinion too.
Hmm, Sigyn is very mysterious and misunderstood. And her connections with Zelle? It's pretty obvious by now she's related to the main character with reasons I could comprehend in the later chapters.
Oh, a dragon! I'm very hyped up when it comes to dragons. ^_^ I even have my own dragon muse!
Nogar: Hey, leave me out of this crazy review! *Flies away*
O_O Whoa. . .That never happened before. Oh well.
Sacrifice and rituals? O_O Go back to the present! I think she's in the age too far away! Oh, wait. She came back. *sheepish grin*
. . .
You know what? All this events are getting more absurd every minute? Yet you make it sound just if it was all part of reality, even with the earthquakes and slow-motion people.
Keep up with the great descriptions! I can't get enough of them. Especially at the end, when she saw Sigyn by the waterfalls and when she began climbing down.
Hopefully, you'll continue writing this. Once again, I can't find some criticism at the moment (due to the fact you did this chapter so well)
Also, I want to thank you for the reviews on my stories and poems. They really made up my day.
Well, gotta get back to tending my stories!
Spell ya later!
7/12/2003 c7 DigiDayDreamer
Hmm, I usually don't mind swearing, as long as there isn't too much.
Ah, the righteous twist in the back. No wonder there was granite hair during the dinner scene. Um, is this there a difference between a crow and a raven? Just a thought.
Hey, is Skodde one of the Scandinavian goddesses, the goddess of the past? Just another thought.
Yay, Sigurd joined the party! Couldn't resist saying that.You did great work on that river scene! Pretty hilarious to say the least.
Once again, the rose. It must be important to the plot to be mentioned twice! I wonder what's inside that cage anyhow? Skodde and Sigurd should learn to get along as well, unless that was your intention.
This chapter is not crappy! Neither are the others, including the author's notes. ^_^
Keep it up! In case I haven't mentioned, this is on my favorite stories. So don't give up.
"True life is but a multitude of infinite meanings."
Spell ya later!~Daiger
Hmm, I usually don't mind swearing, as long as there isn't too much.
Ah, the righteous twist in the back. No wonder there was granite hair during the dinner scene. Um, is this there a difference between a crow and a raven? Just a thought.
Hey, is Skodde one of the Scandinavian goddesses, the goddess of the past? Just another thought.
Yay, Sigurd joined the party! Couldn't resist saying that.You did great work on that river scene! Pretty hilarious to say the least.
Once again, the rose. It must be important to the plot to be mentioned twice! I wonder what's inside that cage anyhow? Skodde and Sigurd should learn to get along as well, unless that was your intention.
This chapter is not crappy! Neither are the others, including the author's notes. ^_^
Keep it up! In case I haven't mentioned, this is on my favorite stories. So don't give up.
"True life is but a multitude of infinite meanings."
Spell ya later!~Daiger
7/11/2003 c5 DigiDayDreamer
Well, you certainly have a good way with humor. But I'm pretty much at los when it comes to constructive criticism. I can't find nothing wrong with this chapter, especially the humor of Zelle. Who wouldn't resist laughing?
Well, anyway, the Eternal Dreamer sounds too cliched so I go for "Escaping the Cycle". Okay?
And a cliffhanger! Hadn't had one of those in a while...
Sorry but the criticism I give is this: Write with your best. Four simple words, that's all I can say.
Spell ya later!~Daiger
Well, you certainly have a good way with humor. But I'm pretty much at los when it comes to constructive criticism. I can't find nothing wrong with this chapter, especially the humor of Zelle. Who wouldn't resist laughing?
Well, anyway, the Eternal Dreamer sounds too cliched so I go for "Escaping the Cycle". Okay?
And a cliffhanger! Hadn't had one of those in a while...
Sorry but the criticism I give is this: Write with your best. Four simple words, that's all I can say.
Spell ya later!~Daiger
7/11/2003 c4 DigiDayDreamer
Okay.
I had a dream of high heights and I was scared stiff of heights. *shudders*
Loki sounded a bit like Xellos from Slayers - perverted, lecherous, irritating - you get the point. But still, he's a bit good, I give him credit for that, I suppose.
And that Viking boy, fangs and commanding. Strange? *shrugs*
Spell ya later!~Daiger for short
Okay.
I had a dream of high heights and I was scared stiff of heights. *shudders*
Loki sounded a bit like Xellos from Slayers - perverted, lecherous, irritating - you get the point. But still, he's a bit good, I give him credit for that, I suppose.
And that Viking boy, fangs and commanding. Strange? *shrugs*
Spell ya later!~Daiger for short
7/11/2003 c3 DigiDayDreamer
Hm. . .
You like to describe things so vividly, don't you?
Well, Narvi and Nott seem a bit strange, not breathing and all. What do you expect in a fantasy and all?
But that last paragraph sort of dragged there. Maybe you should divide into more paragraphs. For me, I try to make my paragraphs not too long.
Gotta read the next! It's getting more interesting by the minute!
Can't help noticing, but why do most stories I've read start with real life in the first chapter and then go into fantasy for the next remaining chapters?
It's growing into some sort of cliche if you know what I mean.
Spell ya later!
Hm. . .
You like to describe things so vividly, don't you?
Well, Narvi and Nott seem a bit strange, not breathing and all. What do you expect in a fantasy and all?
But that last paragraph sort of dragged there. Maybe you should divide into more paragraphs. For me, I try to make my paragraphs not too long.
Gotta read the next! It's getting more interesting by the minute!
Can't help noticing, but why do most stories I've read start with real life in the first chapter and then go into fantasy for the next remaining chapters?
It's growing into some sort of cliche if you know what I mean.
Spell ya later!