for Loki7/11/2003 c2 
14DigiDayDreamer
Very descriptive. Couldn't have said it better. Somehow I miss Janie for all her tender innocence and childishness. Sniff. . .
Well, tis a good chapter. Nice way of introducing the world through her eyes, and that it wasn't a dream. Hmm, that Valkyrie intrigues me. I better find out in the next chapter.
Spell ya later!
14DigiDayDreamerVery descriptive. Couldn't have said it better. Somehow I miss Janie for all her tender innocence and childishness. Sniff. . .
Well, tis a good chapter. Nice way of introducing the world through her eyes, and that it wasn't a dream. Hmm, that Valkyrie intrigues me. I better find out in the next chapter.
Spell ya later!
7/11/2003 c1 DigiDayDreamer
Wow, a great start. It seems like a lot of authors seem to like your story a lot. Wish I had such great reviews as yours. . .*gets all jealous then remembers about the review* Oh yeah.
Poor Zelle, I wonder what kinds of trouble she'll get into. One thing confuses me though.
Those last two paragraphs with sentences starting with Never. I didn't quite understand it. . .very much. Well, I hope the next chapters are this good or better.^_^
Spell ya later!
Wow, a great start. It seems like a lot of authors seem to like your story a lot. Wish I had such great reviews as yours. . .*gets all jealous then remembers about the review* Oh yeah.
Poor Zelle, I wonder what kinds of trouble she'll get into. One thing confuses me though.
Those last two paragraphs with sentences starting with Never. I didn't quite understand it. . .very much. Well, I hope the next chapters are this good or better.^_^
Spell ya later!
7/2/2003 c10 38Fate Thirteen
Cor. Good chapter, now it's all making more sense, although I'm waiting for some huge showdown with Loki. And I'm intrigued about this 'giving' business. Sounds deeply suspicious to me. Although I can sort of see why you're a little disappointed with it. It didn't seem as... fluid in its style as the last chapters. But maybe this is just a difficult bit in the story which you can rewrite when you've gone past it. That's usually what I have to do.
Yeah, next chapter, whenever, my email is on my bio - send it on down and I'll let you know.
And, specially for you (and aleppine) I updated Untitled. And Angelus. And I'm going to write some more of both right this minute.
You are adored by the masses. And me.
13
38Fate ThirteenCor. Good chapter, now it's all making more sense, although I'm waiting for some huge showdown with Loki. And I'm intrigued about this 'giving' business. Sounds deeply suspicious to me. Although I can sort of see why you're a little disappointed with it. It didn't seem as... fluid in its style as the last chapters. But maybe this is just a difficult bit in the story which you can rewrite when you've gone past it. That's usually what I have to do.
Yeah, next chapter, whenever, my email is on my bio - send it on down and I'll let you know.
And, specially for you (and aleppine) I updated Untitled. And Angelus. And I'm going to write some more of both right this minute.
You are adored by the masses. And me.
13
7/2/2003 c10 6Belle the Shadow-Cat
I see you updated ^_^ yay! This was a good chapter, i really liked it. So Zelle was Sigyn in her past life . . . interesting. now that i think about it Sigyn was like Zelle quite a bit. . . I wonder what other lives Zelle has lived in. Makes you wonder. Will she ever have any memories of her past life? I know some "reincarnations" do. And thanks for clearing up the sacrifice/present thing. It makes more sense now.
One mistake i need to point out:
?Am I doing here? Why, I should as ye that same question.?
I think you mean ask instead of as. And i'm sure it's not part of Skodde's accent. ^_^ no biggie.
How i have time . . . let's just say summer's been really boring and school's out. So i read stuff on F.P since it's what i enjoy doing. Really? A week. Wow. i'm sure it'll ALL make sense in the end. And then when it's the end we'll wonder why we didn't notice it before. And you do write better then i do . . . But thanks for the compliment *blushes* and you are writing something meaningful, you know.
I always wondered what would happen if i were stuck in a fantasy story. And i can make plenty of connections in this story.
Thanks for your review! Update soon!
~~Belle the Shadow-Cat
:Even the brightest Light leaves a Shadow::
6Belle the Shadow-CatI see you updated ^_^ yay! This was a good chapter, i really liked it. So Zelle was Sigyn in her past life . . . interesting. now that i think about it Sigyn was like Zelle quite a bit. . . I wonder what other lives Zelle has lived in. Makes you wonder. Will she ever have any memories of her past life? I know some "reincarnations" do. And thanks for clearing up the sacrifice/present thing. It makes more sense now.
One mistake i need to point out:
?Am I doing here? Why, I should as ye that same question.?
I think you mean ask instead of as. And i'm sure it's not part of Skodde's accent. ^_^ no biggie.
How i have time . . . let's just say summer's been really boring and school's out. So i read stuff on F.P since it's what i enjoy doing. Really? A week. Wow. i'm sure it'll ALL make sense in the end. And then when it's the end we'll wonder why we didn't notice it before. And you do write better then i do . . . But thanks for the compliment *blushes* and you are writing something meaningful, you know.
I always wondered what would happen if i were stuck in a fantasy story. And i can make plenty of connections in this story.
Thanks for your review! Update soon!
~~Belle the Shadow-Cat
:Even the brightest Light leaves a Shadow::
6/29/2003 c1 1aleppine
Dahling! I LOVE it. It has such a casual random feel to it, and I admit the start was following a much-trodden and wearied path, but you really turned it around with the tree-climbing escapade. I am getting mental images of evil little pixies or similar, and some devilry going on ... *shivers*
1aleppineDahling! I LOVE it. It has such a casual random feel to it, and I admit the start was following a much-trodden and wearied path, but you really turned it around with the tree-climbing escapade. I am getting mental images of evil little pixies or similar, and some devilry going on ... *shivers*
6/29/2003 c8 LittleWolf
well what can i say, this is yet again another brilliant chapter!
Exams stink don't they? I've just finished my A-Level Exams, never again!
Anyways i can't wait until you update again, i love this story!;)
well what can i say, this is yet again another brilliant chapter!
Exams stink don't they? I've just finished my A-Level Exams, never again!
Anyways i can't wait until you update again, i love this story!;)
6/14/2003 c3 kcididfnord
Finally able to come back to this story and leave another review. :) Let's see if I can have something more constructive this time ...
Another excellent chapter ... all the imagery, especially of the sunset, was beautiful. And that snake - ! Now that's something I wouldn't want to find in a forest at night. O_O
There was only one place that I started to lose focus and wasn't paying as much attention - that was the last couple paragraphs, once you started describing the dress ... not sure why my attention wandered, but I thought I'd let you know. (I am horrendously bad with constructive criticism, in case you hadn't noticed.)
Thanks for reading my story ... and I'll read more of yours soon. Keep writing!
Skyra
Finally able to come back to this story and leave another review. :) Let's see if I can have something more constructive this time ...
Another excellent chapter ... all the imagery, especially of the sunset, was beautiful. And that snake - ! Now that's something I wouldn't want to find in a forest at night. O_O
There was only one place that I started to lose focus and wasn't paying as much attention - that was the last couple paragraphs, once you started describing the dress ... not sure why my attention wandered, but I thought I'd let you know. (I am horrendously bad with constructive criticism, in case you hadn't noticed.)
Thanks for reading my story ... and I'll read more of yours soon. Keep writing!
Skyra
6/14/2003 c9 4Sabriel4
Zelle...
... maybe you can help me out here; why do so many good writers constantly say their work is no good? *sighs* (This is a great story, don't worry.)
Is it flawless? No. But hey, that's the point of FP, isn't it? Get feedback, be heard, and have the chance to work on your writing skills. You asked for constructive criticism... hm... the one thing that pops out is that the last chapters seem to have adjective-itis... you are 'overdescribing' the setting; too many big words at once is mildly overwhelming...
However. Your characters more than make up for this; Zelle is *far* from being 'shallow and empty', and as another of your readers said, it's rather fascinating to watch the reactions of a "real" character in a "fantasy" realm... Vaguely reminiscent of Terry Brooks' published 'Landover' series - worth looking up, if you haven't read it.
Your supporting characters are also interesting - the introduction of the doppelganger-of-sorts, Sigyn is a cool addition - I'm curious as to where you're going to take her (and Zelle, with her). However, I especially am fond of Zelle's sidekicks - a Valkyrie and a sailor - a mildly unusual pair; but I hope they reappear in later chapters, as I'm sure they will...
Kudos, and good luck with finals!
~Sabriel.
4Sabriel4Zelle...
... maybe you can help me out here; why do so many good writers constantly say their work is no good? *sighs* (This is a great story, don't worry.)
Is it flawless? No. But hey, that's the point of FP, isn't it? Get feedback, be heard, and have the chance to work on your writing skills. You asked for constructive criticism... hm... the one thing that pops out is that the last chapters seem to have adjective-itis... you are 'overdescribing' the setting; too many big words at once is mildly overwhelming...
However. Your characters more than make up for this; Zelle is *far* from being 'shallow and empty', and as another of your readers said, it's rather fascinating to watch the reactions of a "real" character in a "fantasy" realm... Vaguely reminiscent of Terry Brooks' published 'Landover' series - worth looking up, if you haven't read it.
Your supporting characters are also interesting - the introduction of the doppelganger-of-sorts, Sigyn is a cool addition - I'm curious as to where you're going to take her (and Zelle, with her). However, I especially am fond of Zelle's sidekicks - a Valkyrie and a sailor - a mildly unusual pair; but I hope they reappear in later chapters, as I'm sure they will...
Kudos, and good luck with finals!
~Sabriel.
6/13/2003 c9 6Belle the Shadow-Cat
I just want to drop by and say YOU ARE NOT A BAD WRITER. You write a heck of a lot better than i do. I can promise you that.
keep writing. The story must go on.
-Belle
6Belle the Shadow-CatI just want to drop by and say YOU ARE NOT A BAD WRITER. You write a heck of a lot better than i do. I can promise you that.
keep writing. The story must go on.
-Belle
6/13/2003 c8 Belle the Shadow-Cat
CHICKENS? CHICKENS? LOL. you had me going just from that one sentence. I mean seriosly chickens? I'll shut up now. ANyway i enjoyed this chapter . . . though i must say i wasn't keen on human sacrifice but . . . it doesn't matter. That Loki guy. . . what a mysterious fellow. Oh boy.
Chickens . . .
-Belle the Shadow-Cat
CHICKENS? CHICKENS? LOL. you had me going just from that one sentence. I mean seriosly chickens? I'll shut up now. ANyway i enjoyed this chapter . . . though i must say i wasn't keen on human sacrifice but . . . it doesn't matter. That Loki guy. . . what a mysterious fellow. Oh boy.
Chickens . . .
-Belle the Shadow-Cat
6/13/2003 c5 Belle the Shadow-Cat
wow! really nice. THough did you have to make Nixon bad. I quite liked him *sobs*
-Belle
wow! really nice. THough did you have to make Nixon bad. I quite liked him *sobs*
-Belle
6/13/2003 c1 Belle the Shadow-Cat
Kezkay's been raving about you for awhile. So now i'm here to review.
First off i'm really enjoying your story. And it's just the first chapter! Your use of the "I" form is ingenious, and you use it very well. (boy that sounds repetitive) anyway i loved how you added bits and pieces of humor into this.
"Chip'n'dale" nice touch.
There is just one (small) think i'd like to point out.
I recognized the pending storm and remained where I was at the door, and {watched Jason make his way to me worriedly.} Janie was asking questions in a small voice, and Jason didn?t look like he intended to answer any of them. The hand I had half-raised came down and I {watched him make his way to me worriedly.}
Look at the parts i put in {} you'll notice that that it sounds quite repetitive. And i think you need to change that.
You still have a great story
-Belle
Kezkay's been raving about you for awhile. So now i'm here to review.
First off i'm really enjoying your story. And it's just the first chapter! Your use of the "I" form is ingenious, and you use it very well. (boy that sounds repetitive) anyway i loved how you added bits and pieces of humor into this.
"Chip'n'dale" nice touch.
There is just one (small) think i'd like to point out.
I recognized the pending storm and remained where I was at the door, and {watched Jason make his way to me worriedly.} Janie was asking questions in a small voice, and Jason didn?t look like he intended to answer any of them. The hand I had half-raised came down and I {watched him make his way to me worriedly.}
Look at the parts i put in {} you'll notice that that it sounds quite repetitive. And i think you need to change that.
You still have a great story
-Belle
6/12/2003 c9 Henbane24
Your writing is amazing. It's full of vibrant details and very original, so you really have no reason to feel "mediocre".
Your writing is amazing. It's full of vibrant details and very original, so you really have no reason to feel "mediocre".