for The Shattered Mirror4/15/2004 c1 Silverlocke980
Guess who?... You've run out of one-shots, so I'm stuck reading a story. Not that I have the time to read one anymore... :P I'm having trouble with my stories. Bloody anti-Christian people keep reviewing... God grant I have the words and skill to refute them... Pray for me if you can, Sabriel.
But, let's get off the subject of my problems, and onto the story.
Very interesting start... Nice usage of empath abilities. I also rather like the idea of a Healer posessing Earth magic... Earth is, when you think about it, the element of rebirth, so it's fitting that a Healer would know Earth magicks.
Also, I like the general ideas behind all this... Although, I wonder if Dunstan really killed all those men to get to her...
Don't expect many reviews. Poor Silverlocke is being steadily overwhelmed and defending his position. I'll read when I can, though.
Your Friend,
-Silverlocke980
Guess who?... You've run out of one-shots, so I'm stuck reading a story. Not that I have the time to read one anymore... :P I'm having trouble with my stories. Bloody anti-Christian people keep reviewing... God grant I have the words and skill to refute them... Pray for me if you can, Sabriel.
But, let's get off the subject of my problems, and onto the story.
Very interesting start... Nice usage of empath abilities. I also rather like the idea of a Healer posessing Earth magic... Earth is, when you think about it, the element of rebirth, so it's fitting that a Healer would know Earth magicks.
Also, I like the general ideas behind all this... Although, I wonder if Dunstan really killed all those men to get to her...
Don't expect many reviews. Poor Silverlocke is being steadily overwhelmed and defending his position. I'll read when I can, though.
Your Friend,
-Silverlocke980
9/20/2003 c6 
18Wrider
I'm so sorry about the writer's block, I absolutely hate that and gratefully have only had it happen to me once. And boy, trying to write during school IS hard, I decided to rewrite Wreath of Revig just as school started...absolutely lovely...*sigh*
Anyway, this was another great chapter, update soon! Laena is still my favorite character! Got to love her...
18WriderI'm so sorry about the writer's block, I absolutely hate that and gratefully have only had it happen to me once. And boy, trying to write during school IS hard, I decided to rewrite Wreath of Revig just as school started...absolutely lovely...*sigh*
Anyway, this was another great chapter, update soon! Laena is still my favorite character! Got to love her...
7/17/2003 c4 39zelle
HAHA! Just when we start thinking that Dunstan's this lovable and misguided guy...he pulls a trick like this...but hey, that's why I love him ^_^
And what are these elementals? Hm...*speculates*
39zelleHAHA! Just when we start thinking that Dunstan's this lovable and misguided guy...he pulls a trick like this...but hey, that's why I love him ^_^
And what are these elementals? Hm...*speculates*
7/17/2003 c3 zelle
Intruiging ^_^ THis chapter was absolutely full of character development on Dunstan's part! ^_^. Me like. He's getting sweeter and sweeter by the minute. ANd I like the nickname Quicksilver...catchy ^_-. One little thing is that, despite the fact that this is all in her p.o.v...I don't feel there was as much expansion on Laena's character...but that could just be me. *shrugs*
Intruiging ^_^ THis chapter was absolutely full of character development on Dunstan's part! ^_^. Me like. He's getting sweeter and sweeter by the minute. ANd I like the nickname Quicksilver...catchy ^_-. One little thing is that, despite the fact that this is all in her p.o.v...I don't feel there was as much expansion on Laena's character...but that could just be me. *shrugs*
6/30/2003 c2 zelle
aw! Dunstan has a soft side and...what? he's a messenger? ooi...and...but...why? I'd read more, but I have to go to class soon. I just wanted to say that I LOVED the description of her dress at the beginning ( I want a dress like that ^_^) and it was a cute moment at the end...*sigh*...guys really are clueless, ne? ^_-
aw! Dunstan has a soft side and...what? he's a messenger? ooi...and...but...why? I'd read more, but I have to go to class soon. I just wanted to say that I LOVED the description of her dress at the beginning ( I want a dress like that ^_^) and it was a cute moment at the end...*sigh*...guys really are clueless, ne? ^_-
5/5/2003 c1 zelle
eep! i felt so bad for not reviewing yours after you reviewed mine (TWICE!) that I finally got my lazy arse over to your story to read...and I have to say that it was worth it ^0^ *puts on favorite story list*
i like your characters...they're really strong and seemed pretty well-developed (from what I see so far anyways), Laena especially (^_^;; girl kicks major arse~!)...and i think that's what I don't like about my character Zelle...blech, but ANYWAYS ^_^...confused me a little...but I think I'll wait till I read the other chapters before I officially declare my stupidity.
also, i think the beginning lines were a little bit awkward...but that could just be me being anal *hides*...
...
god, I need sleep...
eep! i felt so bad for not reviewing yours after you reviewed mine (TWICE!) that I finally got my lazy arse over to your story to read...and I have to say that it was worth it ^0^ *puts on favorite story list*
i like your characters...they're really strong and seemed pretty well-developed (from what I see so far anyways), Laena especially (^_^;; girl kicks major arse~!)...and i think that's what I don't like about my character Zelle...blech, but ANYWAYS ^_^...confused me a little...but I think I'll wait till I read the other chapters before I officially declare my stupidity.
also, i think the beginning lines were a little bit awkward...but that could just be me being anal *hides*...
...
god, I need sleep...
5/3/2003 c5 1Peter Evans
After a rather splendid review from Sabriel, I believed that it would be rather churlish of me not to respond in kind. But would her work cut the mustard? Would I be forced into the uncomfortable position of weeping like a small child menaced by a well-intentioned but overtly sinister clown?
Thankfully, no. I quite enjoyed this story. Sabriel has a good ear for dialogue. It flows naturally and never follows predictable or repetative patterns. Her characters are intriguing, but she has given them room to breath, not heaping too many quirks or histories on them so early in the story. The manner is very playful and light, like a refreshing summer ale. Probably of the 'Summer Lightning', or 'Golden Champion' calibre. I particulary liked the part where Kaerin revealed some of Dunstun's character. It could have easily been a rather blunt and obvious detailing of histories, but Sabriel infuses it with mixed emotions, most notably sadness, caution and a little anger, or is it disappointment?
So, Sabriel, do I think there are problems with the story then? Heck, yes. But not enough to rob this of promise. You need to slow down just a little and let more description and dialogue of day-to-day stuff, inconsiquential incidents and odd funny moments into the story. There is a little danger of every conversation being weighty and revealing. When you have a light and fanciful story such as this, it can create a bit of a jarring between plot and style. The first scene sort of summed it up to me, what would normally be a menacing situation written as a kind of... I don't know... a dance? A play with foil swords? Funny and beautfully written, even a little thrilling, but lacking fear or danger. (By the by, the blow to the nose using palm of hand is frequently a fatal move. Um... so I am told.) Take your time, however, with the story. Dig into the interesting uncertainty of Laena and the strange ethics of Dunstun (named after the hero in Neil Gaiman's 'Stardust'? There are certainly echoes of his writing here...) and concentrate some more on the enviroment and pacing and I am confident that you'll have a real cracker here.
In conclusion? Funny, playful, intriguing, could go in any number of directions. Needs a little more weight and pacing. Dialogue, some of the best I have read on FictionPress, very likable characters and definitely a plot that shows promise. I'll be keeping an eye on this one. Thanks, Sabriel!
P.S: My work is just as flawed in varied ways. It's that struggle to be up there with the greats that is the fun thing. Don't think that I'm looking down or anything, I beg of you. For one, I'd dearly like to possess some of your lightness of touch with dialogue. Strangely, I can see some oblique simularities in your plot, and where mine will be going. Thanks again! Read it everyone!
1Peter EvansAfter a rather splendid review from Sabriel, I believed that it would be rather churlish of me not to respond in kind. But would her work cut the mustard? Would I be forced into the uncomfortable position of weeping like a small child menaced by a well-intentioned but overtly sinister clown?
Thankfully, no. I quite enjoyed this story. Sabriel has a good ear for dialogue. It flows naturally and never follows predictable or repetative patterns. Her characters are intriguing, but she has given them room to breath, not heaping too many quirks or histories on them so early in the story. The manner is very playful and light, like a refreshing summer ale. Probably of the 'Summer Lightning', or 'Golden Champion' calibre. I particulary liked the part where Kaerin revealed some of Dunstun's character. It could have easily been a rather blunt and obvious detailing of histories, but Sabriel infuses it with mixed emotions, most notably sadness, caution and a little anger, or is it disappointment?
So, Sabriel, do I think there are problems with the story then? Heck, yes. But not enough to rob this of promise. You need to slow down just a little and let more description and dialogue of day-to-day stuff, inconsiquential incidents and odd funny moments into the story. There is a little danger of every conversation being weighty and revealing. When you have a light and fanciful story such as this, it can create a bit of a jarring between plot and style. The first scene sort of summed it up to me, what would normally be a menacing situation written as a kind of... I don't know... a dance? A play with foil swords? Funny and beautfully written, even a little thrilling, but lacking fear or danger. (By the by, the blow to the nose using palm of hand is frequently a fatal move. Um... so I am told.) Take your time, however, with the story. Dig into the interesting uncertainty of Laena and the strange ethics of Dunstun (named after the hero in Neil Gaiman's 'Stardust'? There are certainly echoes of his writing here...) and concentrate some more on the enviroment and pacing and I am confident that you'll have a real cracker here.
In conclusion? Funny, playful, intriguing, could go in any number of directions. Needs a little more weight and pacing. Dialogue, some of the best I have read on FictionPress, very likable characters and definitely a plot that shows promise. I'll be keeping an eye on this one. Thanks, Sabriel!
P.S: My work is just as flawed in varied ways. It's that struggle to be up there with the greats that is the fun thing. Don't think that I'm looking down or anything, I beg of you. For one, I'd dearly like to possess some of your lightness of touch with dialogue. Strangely, I can see some oblique simularities in your plot, and where mine will be going. Thanks again! Read it everyone!
4/24/2003 c1 4Sabriel4
*grins* thx to all the reviewers thus far, including my first flamer... *chuckles* That has to be some sort of a benchmark, right?
As a note - your opinion is your own, (well... duh.) Like my stuff, hate it, whatever - but if you want to call it crap, give me some pointers. It doesn't take much of a writer - or a person - to knock something. (hence, the importance of constructive criticism.)
Thanks all...
Sabriel
4Sabriel4*grins* thx to all the reviewers thus far, including my first flamer... *chuckles* That has to be some sort of a benchmark, right?
As a note - your opinion is your own, (well... duh.) Like my stuff, hate it, whatever - but if you want to call it crap, give me some pointers. It doesn't take much of a writer - or a person - to knock something. (hence, the importance of constructive criticism.)
Thanks all...
Sabriel
4/23/2003 c5 18Wrider
I love this story! Laena has to be my favorite, she's got such personality. Oh, please update soon!
BTW, thanks for reviewing my story!
18WriderI love this story! Laena has to be my favorite, she's got such personality. Oh, please update soon!
BTW, thanks for reviewing my story!
4/23/2003 c1 snorting- a lot
This crap is original? Oh god. Oh god.
This crap is original? Oh god. Oh god.
4/12/2003 c4 Wrider
Yay! Another chapter! Although, it was a tad confusing, as though you rushed it maybe, but anyway, great! Keep the chapters coming, don't keep me in suspense!
Yay! Another chapter! Although, it was a tad confusing, as though you rushed it maybe, but anyway, great! Keep the chapters coming, don't keep me in suspense!
4/12/2003 c4 4Raincatcher
Ah...This story is moving along well ^-^ Me likes! Me likes a lot! I like Laena's personality. But anyway...Keep it up!
4RaincatcherAh...This story is moving along well ^-^ Me likes! Me likes a lot! I like Laena's personality. But anyway...Keep it up!
4/11/2003 c3 48laws
^^ Very nice, though I am looking forward to some action. I can't think of much to say, except you really have something going here and I will definately be here to read every chapter.
^^ Very nice, though I am looking forward to some action. I can't think of much to say, except you really have something going here and I will definately be here to read every chapter.
4/10/2003 c2 48laws
Oh yes, I am loving this. Laena and Dunstan... a little romance, a little action, hell, throw in some betrayel, and you got yourself a masterpiece.
I'm not one to constructively critisize someone's work unless it REALLY deserves it, and I can't find anything to complain about. This is definnately a story I'll keep my eye on.
^^; I wanna thank you for reviewing my story which lead me to this fine piece of work, and I see it could turn out better than I can even imagine.
Maybe that was too nice *shrugs*, update soon and be happy.
Oh yes, I am loving this. Laena and Dunstan... a little romance, a little action, hell, throw in some betrayel, and you got yourself a masterpiece.
I'm not one to constructively critisize someone's work unless it REALLY deserves it, and I can't find anything to complain about. This is definnately a story I'll keep my eye on.
^^; I wanna thank you for reviewing my story which lead me to this fine piece of work, and I see it could turn out better than I can even imagine.
Maybe that was too nice *shrugs*, update soon and be happy.