for Segregration3/30/2003 c1 Aetre
Hm, you uploaded from Word, didn't you? There's a bug with this site that makes Word uploads' paragraphs get scrunched together. Try re-submitting the chapter in a web page (html) format. If it isn't a computer error, then please separate the paragraphs whenever there are two different people speaking.
Other than that, the content is nice, and despite a few minor textual flaws, it works. The stream of consciousness adds some action, which is good.
Also, just as a tip, lay off the multiple exclamation points; they're most effective when used sparingly.
Sorry if this isn't quite the review you were hoping for, but I'm just trying to help. After all, we're all in this writing business together :)
Hm, you uploaded from Word, didn't you? There's a bug with this site that makes Word uploads' paragraphs get scrunched together. Try re-submitting the chapter in a web page (html) format. If it isn't a computer error, then please separate the paragraphs whenever there are two different people speaking.
Other than that, the content is nice, and despite a few minor textual flaws, it works. The stream of consciousness adds some action, which is good.
Also, just as a tip, lay off the multiple exclamation points; they're most effective when used sparingly.
Sorry if this isn't quite the review you were hoping for, but I'm just trying to help. After all, we're all in this writing business together :)
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