for Glimpse of Hurt1/10/2005 c1 
59Vigilant
Well I dare say my heart skipped a beat. The writting is wondeful, and the stroy, so close to what I am going through myself right now, gives me hope and then takes it away, realising that this could be my fate. I know my reviews have become more emotional and less constructive, but its becoming that you are helping me, instead of me you. Thanks, this one was great.
- Vigilant
59VigilantWell I dare say my heart skipped a beat. The writting is wondeful, and the stroy, so close to what I am going through myself right now, gives me hope and then takes it away, realising that this could be my fate. I know my reviews have become more emotional and less constructive, but its becoming that you are helping me, instead of me you. Thanks, this one was great.
- Vigilant
11/21/2003 c1 12Sky Queen
Wow, this is awesome! I like the way you have the reader thinking she's almost going to give him a second chance, and then she tells him it's too late for second chances. You captured her feelings very well too. Keep up the great work, you're a very talented author!
~Sky Queen
12Sky QueenWow, this is awesome! I like the way you have the reader thinking she's almost going to give him a second chance, and then she tells him it's too late for second chances. You captured her feelings very well too. Keep up the great work, you're a very talented author!
~Sky Queen
8/22/2003 c1 15Aneena Darc
Wrench my pour heart out of my chest why don't you!
Heh, I loved your story. It was written beautifully. To my amazement, this story is like a ripped page out of my life story. Similar names and everything. Another uncanny thing is that our writing is amazingly similar. *No, I am not copying your style of writing, I just noticed similarities.*
Wonderful story!
15Aneena DarcWrench my pour heart out of my chest why don't you!
Heh, I loved your story. It was written beautifully. To my amazement, this story is like a ripped page out of my life story. Similar names and everything. Another uncanny thing is that our writing is amazingly similar. *No, I am not copying your style of writing, I just noticed similarities.*
Wonderful story!
7/27/2003 c1 3Arabella Silverbell
i like this. simple, and not at all complicated.
and i really like how the story is written.
keep writing!
3Arabella Silverbelli like this. simple, and not at all complicated.
and i really like how the story is written.
keep writing!
4/2/2003 c1 13elmo44449999
You let your teacher read this? Wow. Okay, time for my critique: I'll try to be brief: I like the beginning, and the end, and the whole "three words" thing that you probably did without meaning to: "Can we talk; You look beautiful; I love you." One, two, three. See? That is part of what gives this story its edge. The way you talk about the stars, the lake, the cool night air, etc. really helps the reader become enrapt and wrapped in the scene - as if I can picture the story happening all around me, instead of it just being narrated. I barely noticed the way I leaned forward as I read; or how my breathing became quiet as she spoke about how he had hurt her, like if I was too loud, I would miss something. My favorite part is when our main character reflects on just what this man has done... the words flow perfectly through anyone's mind and paint a clear picture. This part is beautifully eloquent; it could be a song. I'm telling you, it isn't easy to connect words in the way you have done. That's something an author can do or can't; and you certainly can. The only problem, I think, is the dialogue. When there is speech, the rest of the feelings that aren't said are pushed off to the side. You write things like, "Your voice is strong and determined," "I laugh and stare at the ground," "You're pushing all the limits now." Even though you try, there is still something missing. In your stories, the key factor is to have the smallest detail of every last feeling - tell us about the facial expression, the emotion in their eyes, their heart rate, and every last thought that spends a nanosecond in each character's head. The way you repeat simple words instead of using bigger, more elegant ones makes it sound like even though you were inspired when you decided to write this story, you have forgotten what you wanted to say by the time you can put it on paper. Dig your way into those feelings again right before you start writing; examine them from every angle; find the words to portray them to a reader. Turn 'he said, she said' into fireworks of description. Fill the holes in the encompassing globe of your work.
13elmo44449999You let your teacher read this? Wow. Okay, time for my critique: I'll try to be brief: I like the beginning, and the end, and the whole "three words" thing that you probably did without meaning to: "Can we talk; You look beautiful; I love you." One, two, three. See? That is part of what gives this story its edge. The way you talk about the stars, the lake, the cool night air, etc. really helps the reader become enrapt and wrapped in the scene - as if I can picture the story happening all around me, instead of it just being narrated. I barely noticed the way I leaned forward as I read; or how my breathing became quiet as she spoke about how he had hurt her, like if I was too loud, I would miss something. My favorite part is when our main character reflects on just what this man has done... the words flow perfectly through anyone's mind and paint a clear picture. This part is beautifully eloquent; it could be a song. I'm telling you, it isn't easy to connect words in the way you have done. That's something an author can do or can't; and you certainly can. The only problem, I think, is the dialogue. When there is speech, the rest of the feelings that aren't said are pushed off to the side. You write things like, "Your voice is strong and determined," "I laugh and stare at the ground," "You're pushing all the limits now." Even though you try, there is still something missing. In your stories, the key factor is to have the smallest detail of every last feeling - tell us about the facial expression, the emotion in their eyes, their heart rate, and every last thought that spends a nanosecond in each character's head. The way you repeat simple words instead of using bigger, more elegant ones makes it sound like even though you were inspired when you decided to write this story, you have forgotten what you wanted to say by the time you can put it on paper. Dig your way into those feelings again right before you start writing; examine them from every angle; find the words to portray them to a reader. Turn 'he said, she said' into fireworks of description. Fill the holes in the encompassing globe of your work.