for Juegos4/24/2003 c2 
113tarnished oversoul
you know what sticks out is my mind, blood ocean water. Because both liquids are saline. I don't know if it were accidental insight, but that's what I remember.
113tarnished oversoulyou know what sticks out is my mind, blood ocean water. Because both liquids are saline. I don't know if it were accidental insight, but that's what I remember.
4/8/2003 c9 Obakeeeh
Oh... Cool stuff. Poetry-story-chapter.
Ha. I should get out the Spanish dictionary and look up all those words(what am I doing, you lazy-bum).
Seems like the narrator's having good times from time to time, but somehow manages to have a bad time at it. Weird talent.
Again and again and again... Gorgeous writing! Jealousy!
Oh yes. The other one couldn't be found, so I'll come again another day!
Oh... Cool stuff. Poetry-story-chapter.
Ha. I should get out the Spanish dictionary and look up all those words(what am I doing, you lazy-bum).
Seems like the narrator's having good times from time to time, but somehow manages to have a bad time at it. Weird talent.
Again and again and again... Gorgeous writing! Jealousy!
Oh yes. The other one couldn't be found, so I'll come again another day!
4/8/2003 c8 Paradoxical Goddess
*shakes head and laughs* This whole thing just blows me away, but THIS part is the most awesome. (the idea of them playing monopoly and the "little bastard snatches broadway")
Akk. *loves you*
*shakes head and laughs* This whole thing just blows me away, but THIS part is the most awesome. (the idea of them playing monopoly and the "little bastard snatches broadway")
Akk. *loves you*
4/6/2003 c9 26Kievsky
"it's so lonely being
an intellectual in search
of another..."
True, so true. Much as I wish I could say that I couldn't relate, I do completely, to everything you've written here-the loneliness, the intellectual preoccupation, and the hope of abandoning the crossword puzzle forever. It is hard to express such forlornness but you do it adroitly.
26Kievsky"it's so lonely being
an intellectual in search
of another..."
True, so true. Much as I wish I could say that I couldn't relate, I do completely, to everything you've written here-the loneliness, the intellectual preoccupation, and the hope of abandoning the crossword puzzle forever. It is hard to express such forlornness but you do it adroitly.
4/6/2003 c8 Kievsky
It's just so cute and so funny to think of them sitting on some hardwood floor playing Monopoly in their topcoats and expensive suits.
It's just so cute and so funny to think of them sitting on some hardwood floor playing Monopoly in their topcoats and expensive suits.
4/6/2003 c4 Kievsky
Even though this is only checkers I think this poem is much more sinister than your others-the caps in between the stanzas make it that way, and the anger at the pieces. This one makes me think of a Vietnam vet playing checkers and bringing back the horrifying memories after he starts talking angrily at the board (1st stanza) but manages to regain his composure in the last stanza. Good but creepy, even though it looks like I'm the only one to read it that way.
Even though this is only checkers I think this poem is much more sinister than your others-the caps in between the stanzas make it that way, and the anger at the pieces. This one makes me think of a Vietnam vet playing checkers and bringing back the horrifying memories after he starts talking angrily at the board (1st stanza) but manages to regain his composure in the last stanza. Good but creepy, even though it looks like I'm the only one to read it that way.
4/6/2003 c9 173the Queen of Jupiter
I: la batalla naval
I loved that game when I was little! Great word play on battle and bottle, very clever. Loved the line "emerging out of the steel forests/of the pacific islands"
II: la charada
Haha, great description of the game; the line "airplane blooming flower rainbow-assed mandrill!" made me laugh out loud ^_^
I: las damas
I like how you captitalized words, as though the narrator was shouting them. Fantastic personification of the game itself, I loved the line "the swashbuckling red/BLOODY with the/flattened morales of/the opposing side" - very nice, very nice.
IV: los dardos
Wonderful, how this reads like a monologue rather than a poem. It gives it a quirky feel. I like the last stanza; it's cute.
V: el domino
This one is very different from the others (so far). It's a lot more abstract about the game itself, making it sound like we're the game and God's just playing with us. I'm not sure I like that idea very much; then again, humans like to think they're in control. Anyway, excellent imagery, very vivid and somewhat disturbing. This one's my favorite (so far).
VI: la loteria
Excellent description of the allure and enticement of "getting rich quick" through the lottery. I loved the image you created of everyone bent over the little scratch-off cards, diligently searching for a winner.
VII: el monopolio
That was great! I loved the idea of Rockefeller and JP Morgan Jr. playing Monopoly.
"(wily little bastard
first he conquers wall
street then he snatches
broadway, next you know
he'll be picking my pockets)."
Very clever; it made me laugh.
VI: la crucigrama
I didn't understand the last line very well, about "finding another/word for aardvark is only/a substitute for true love", but I loved your description of the emo kids in their itchy sweaters. ^_^ The first stanza really struck me, especially the image of the cracks in the tile floor oozing phobias.
*
Woohoo, that was fun! My favorite ones were "el domino" and "las damas", I think, but all of them were fantastic in their own right. What a lovely collection of games you have there.
Keep writing! Peace ~~
173the Queen of JupiterI: la batalla naval
I loved that game when I was little! Great word play on battle and bottle, very clever. Loved the line "emerging out of the steel forests/of the pacific islands"
II: la charada
Haha, great description of the game; the line "airplane blooming flower rainbow-assed mandrill!" made me laugh out loud ^_^
I: las damas
I like how you captitalized words, as though the narrator was shouting them. Fantastic personification of the game itself, I loved the line "the swashbuckling red/BLOODY with the/flattened morales of/the opposing side" - very nice, very nice.
IV: los dardos
Wonderful, how this reads like a monologue rather than a poem. It gives it a quirky feel. I like the last stanza; it's cute.
V: el domino
This one is very different from the others (so far). It's a lot more abstract about the game itself, making it sound like we're the game and God's just playing with us. I'm not sure I like that idea very much; then again, humans like to think they're in control. Anyway, excellent imagery, very vivid and somewhat disturbing. This one's my favorite (so far).
VI: la loteria
Excellent description of the allure and enticement of "getting rich quick" through the lottery. I loved the image you created of everyone bent over the little scratch-off cards, diligently searching for a winner.
VII: el monopolio
That was great! I loved the idea of Rockefeller and JP Morgan Jr. playing Monopoly.
"(wily little bastard
first he conquers wall
street then he snatches
broadway, next you know
he'll be picking my pockets)."
Very clever; it made me laugh.
VI: la crucigrama
I didn't understand the last line very well, about "finding another/word for aardvark is only/a substitute for true love", but I loved your description of the emo kids in their itchy sweaters. ^_^ The first stanza really struck me, especially the image of the cracks in the tile floor oozing phobias.
*
Woohoo, that was fun! My favorite ones were "el domino" and "las damas", I think, but all of them were fantastic in their own right. What a lovely collection of games you have there.
Keep writing! Peace ~~
4/6/2003 c2 Commie
HEY I CAN SUBMIT REVIEWS TODAY!
Okay so you've got this whole thing with not capitalizing the beginnings of stanzas which is pretty pissy. As well as not capitalizing the title. Otherwise, you've got some interesting stanza organization, although I'm not sure but somne of the lines of the first stanza can be included into the line ahead of it. Such as "emerging out of the steel forests/of the pacific islands" that seems like nice contrast, but it would be much more hardcore if you had a trickle-down stanza right there (since your line #s in stanzas went down as well; it'd create this super duper effect).
Definitely capitalize "Or" in "Or was it the bottle" because it needs to be capitalized. "and your step" could go into the line ahead stating "now you have to watch your mouth - and your step."
Pretty good, as always I wonder how you write so much stuff so often, but then again I think I rant and rave more than you. Keep it up or I kill you, kay?
HEY I CAN SUBMIT REVIEWS TODAY!
Okay so you've got this whole thing with not capitalizing the beginnings of stanzas which is pretty pissy. As well as not capitalizing the title. Otherwise, you've got some interesting stanza organization, although I'm not sure but somne of the lines of the first stanza can be included into the line ahead of it. Such as "emerging out of the steel forests/of the pacific islands" that seems like nice contrast, but it would be much more hardcore if you had a trickle-down stanza right there (since your line #s in stanzas went down as well; it'd create this super duper effect).
Definitely capitalize "Or" in "Or was it the bottle" because it needs to be capitalized. "and your step" could go into the line ahead stating "now you have to watch your mouth - and your step."
Pretty good, as always I wonder how you write so much stuff so often, but then again I think I rant and rave more than you. Keep it up or I kill you, kay?
4/5/2003 c5 Amaris
When I red "burned a tiny crater" it immediately reminded me of my friend in japan who got drunk and burned holes with cigarettes into her hand... [kinda random] Anyway, I like the tone of voice of this poem. It's more like an anecdote in a way.
When I red "burned a tiny crater" it immediately reminded me of my friend in japan who got drunk and burned holes with cigarettes into her hand... [kinda random] Anyway, I like the tone of voice of this poem. It's more like an anecdote in a way.
4/5/2003 c4 Amaris
I liked the end where you simply say "your turn." In a way, there is no individuality; we are all molds. The capitalization of words became better near the end.
I liked the end where you simply say "your turn." In a way, there is no individuality; we are all molds. The capitalization of words became better near the end.
4/5/2003 c3 Amaris
This one was a bit random and sporatic and not as good as your usual work. maybe it was the random "-" at the beginning of three lines.
This one was a bit random and sporatic and not as good as your usual work. maybe it was the random "-" at the beginning of three lines.
4/5/2003 c2 Amaris
Wow...eight parts in six hours...that's pretty impressive. I'm not sure how you could do that for eight hours. Anyway, I liked the bit about the battle/bottle. Also the part about where you "wonder what it was over there that intoxicated you so..." Yes...both comparison parts.
Wow...eight parts in six hours...that's pretty impressive. I'm not sure how you could do that for eight hours. Anyway, I liked the bit about the battle/bottle. Also the part about where you "wonder what it was over there that intoxicated you so..." Yes...both comparison parts.
4/5/2003 c9 252account inactive00000
but
then again finding another
word for aardvark is only
a substitute for true love.
AH! Just AH! I can so relate to this poem...AH...I'm completely speechless. Because I know exactly what you mean here!
What a wonderful series! Worth all the time ^-^. I love it, love it!
252account inactive00000but
then again finding another
word for aardvark is only
a substitute for true love.
AH! Just AH! I can so relate to this poem...AH...I'm completely speechless. Because I know exactly what you mean here!
What a wonderful series! Worth all the time ^-^. I love it, love it!
4/5/2003 c8 account inactive00000
*sigh*...the Robber Barons [or their children, perhaps]. again, I love it. The description of JP Morgan Jr. is great..."wily little Bastard", hah! good, as ever
*sigh*...the Robber Barons [or their children, perhaps]. again, I love it. The description of JP Morgan Jr. is great..."wily little Bastard", hah! good, as ever
4/5/2003 c7 account inactive00000
Ah! I love the ending of this one-
and the lines about the car are priceless. Sardonic and very good
Ah! I love the ending of this one-
and the lines about the car are priceless. Sardonic and very good