for nothing like the sun7/11/2010 c1 commonplacething
This is haunting. I remember reading this years ago and I've had the last two lines stuck in my head ever since. I was delighted to come across it again, definitely your best work.
This is haunting. I remember reading this years ago and I've had the last two lines stuck in my head ever since. I was delighted to come across it again, definitely your best work.
1/19/2006 c1 
73Jezsh
powerful, I loved the of the mirror in the sun. Perhaps the way it was worded, sounded amazing. Blinding in itself.
73Jezshpowerful, I loved the of the mirror in the sun. Perhaps the way it was worded, sounded amazing. Blinding in itself.
10/29/2005 c1 38Perfect Bliss
Wow... that was awesome. lovely poem. i liked it so much soo much. I really don't know what to say because I felt like everything's been said. You stole my breath with this peace. It's really beautiful.
38Perfect BlissWow... that was awesome. lovely poem. i liked it so much soo much. I really don't know what to say because I felt like everything's been said. You stole my breath with this peace. It's really beautiful.
6/14/2005 c1 5yeaka
Oh, where to begin with this one... I’m at a complete loss for words...
It’s gorgeous – maddeningly gorgeous. I love the rhyme and I love the idea and I love the deep but shallow feel. The constant theme of light is stunning and the associations with it are to die for. The separation between paragraphs and sentences and words drew me in, and the time frame’s so mangled that it’s surreal. The queen of spades lines might be my favourite. Seemingly random meaningful insertions – they’re beautiful beyond compare. Your punctuation like )this( and,, this are so very captivating, just like everything else here and they all mingle together in a pool of inspiration. I’m jealous beyond belief and awed in amazement.
And I’d go on forever, because this totally deserves it, but I’m still at a complete loss for words...
5yeakaOh, where to begin with this one... I’m at a complete loss for words...
It’s gorgeous – maddeningly gorgeous. I love the rhyme and I love the idea and I love the deep but shallow feel. The constant theme of light is stunning and the associations with it are to die for. The separation between paragraphs and sentences and words drew me in, and the time frame’s so mangled that it’s surreal. The queen of spades lines might be my favourite. Seemingly random meaningful insertions – they’re beautiful beyond compare. Your punctuation like )this( and,, this are so very captivating, just like everything else here and they all mingle together in a pool of inspiration. I’m jealous beyond belief and awed in amazement.
And I’d go on forever, because this totally deserves it, but I’m still at a complete loss for words...
6/17/2004 c1 69the cereal killer
Your reviews are all so SAME-ISH, I will try to be DIFFERENT! (as I always do.) Constructive, hopefully.
To begin with, I LOVE how you tied everything together so SEAMLESSLY, your cards, lights, sky. So that it's BLATANTLY OBVIOUS, but SECRET. It feels like it is MEANT to be there, a quintessential PART of your poem.
"(look for another rhyme;/sin.) is very smart. Intelligently placed. I like it.
"sometimes i can pinpoint exactly where the knife slides in, kisses my ribs, licks at my jugular,/carving lines in my skin. if anything hurts it won't be the knife. if any of this leaves a scar, it will be her eyes./this is the knife i'll take and hold, blade to my belly, still, with a pretty handle all made of gold, with a silky shivery thrill, and hands that should shake, and a mind that should break
69the cereal killerYour reviews are all so SAME-ISH, I will try to be DIFFERENT! (as I always do.) Constructive, hopefully.
To begin with, I LOVE how you tied everything together so SEAMLESSLY, your cards, lights, sky. So that it's BLATANTLY OBVIOUS, but SECRET. It feels like it is MEANT to be there, a quintessential PART of your poem.
"(look for another rhyme;/sin.) is very smart. Intelligently placed. I like it.
"sometimes i can pinpoint exactly where the knife slides in, kisses my ribs, licks at my jugular,/carving lines in my skin. if anything hurts it won't be the knife. if any of this leaves a scar, it will be her eyes./this is the knife i'll take and hold, blade to my belly, still, with a pretty handle all made of gold, with a silky shivery thrill, and hands that should shake, and a mind that should break
5/3/2004 c1 69this is britt
God that was astounding in every sense of the word. Your poem is a visual barrage of a thousand different images.
69this is brittGod that was astounding in every sense of the word. Your poem is a visual barrage of a thousand different images.
4/21/2004 c1 45Sammy- B
I'm speechless. That was just amazing! I have never seen this style before, it's just so beautiful. Great job!
45Sammy- BI'm speechless. That was just amazing! I have never seen this style before, it's just so beautiful. Great job!
4/20/2004 c1 32EveryNowAndThen
It's beautiful.
There is no criticism to give here...
I wish someone noticed me to such a passionate extent.
32EveryNowAndThenIt's beautiful.
There is no criticism to give here...
I wish someone noticed me to such a passionate extent.
4/3/2004 c1 39zelle
initial reaction: OH SHIT.
revised reaction: I'm in love with this in so many ways it's probably unhealthy. I want to critique this, really really I do (because I have this strange policy about constructive criticism that went COMPLETELY out the window when I read this poem).
can't. find. WORDS!
so i think i'll fave you instead, yes?
39zelleinitial reaction: OH SHIT.
revised reaction: I'm in love with this in so many ways it's probably unhealthy. I want to critique this, really really I do (because I have this strange policy about constructive criticism that went COMPLETELY out the window when I read this poem).
can't. find. WORDS!
so i think i'll fave you instead, yes?
10/23/2003 c1 22All Midnight Eyes
I was in a poetry mood and went searching among my favorites to see who my favorite authors had on THEIR lists. And look what I found. This is perfect. I want to write like this. I'm inspired. I'm going to go write pages of poetry...thank you.
*Clarie*
22All Midnight EyesI was in a poetry mood and went searching among my favorites to see who my favorite authors had on THEIR lists. And look what I found. This is perfect. I want to write like this. I'm inspired. I'm going to go write pages of poetry...thank you.
*Clarie*
8/11/2003 c1 Morbane
*waves hi* Just thought I'd say that this is one poem I keep coming back to and re-reading and re-reading. What I imagine myself doing is reading this out to a small audience of my friends and writer-peers, and giving it all the expression I could. It's like performance poetry, except that I love reading it and marvelling over amazing things, like ")the unspoken rhyme(" whose nuances would, I think, be a little hard to vocalise.
It's a poem that has a movie in it, except that a real-real movie wouldn't be able to convey the depth, I think - amazing lines like "words- sear, flame, burn, glint, rush. angel in gold light."
It's a poem with a touch of agony in it, but because of the precision in it, the exact real perfect beautiful truth in it, I read it to feel uplifted, and to remind myself of why I write poetry - or, to remind myself what my motive *should* be, if this is not it.
It puzzles me a little that you should say 'a game... on the train at night' while so much of the rest of the imagery places me in 'day'. Or maybe that's just because I see the poem as full of light.
As I hate to end on a saccharine-sounding compliment, I'll just say, "ave". (I like saying that - I have a good friend with whom I always used to exchange that greeting/farewell.)
*waves hi* Just thought I'd say that this is one poem I keep coming back to and re-reading and re-reading. What I imagine myself doing is reading this out to a small audience of my friends and writer-peers, and giving it all the expression I could. It's like performance poetry, except that I love reading it and marvelling over amazing things, like ")the unspoken rhyme(" whose nuances would, I think, be a little hard to vocalise.
It's a poem that has a movie in it, except that a real-real movie wouldn't be able to convey the depth, I think - amazing lines like "words- sear, flame, burn, glint, rush. angel in gold light."
It's a poem with a touch of agony in it, but because of the precision in it, the exact real perfect beautiful truth in it, I read it to feel uplifted, and to remind myself of why I write poetry - or, to remind myself what my motive *should* be, if this is not it.
It puzzles me a little that you should say 'a game... on the train at night' while so much of the rest of the imagery places me in 'day'. Or maybe that's just because I see the poem as full of light.
As I hate to end on a saccharine-sounding compliment, I'll just say, "ave". (I like saying that - I have a good friend with whom I always used to exchange that greeting/farewell.)