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for Angelus

7/6/2011 c64 emevas
Aha! I made it through. What a story it was too. Dark and gritty? Check. Tragic ending? Check. Brutal as hell combat sequences? Check. Essentially, everything that makes me want to keep reading a good story.

I know that this review falls far on the heels of where you are currently at (I will do my best to catch up). Ki'ol is bad ass (though I must say that I liked him better at the beginning of the story when he seemed a little more confident in himself). Talin is even more bad ass (though I really like the set up for the sequel. Talin as a pit fighter? Hell yeah!).

I really liked Salahim as well, though I tend to always find solemn, religious types to my liking in fantasy fiction. Pulan, on the other hand, gave me mixed feelings. She was awesome when fighting (I love how unique every one's abilities were by the way). I didnt like her so much when she was fuc*ing with Ki'ol...that was just mean :/

Anyway, give me about a week and I should be caught up. Good luck writing! You'll see another review from me soon I imagine.


6/20/2011 c17 emevas
I absolutely love your writing style and how your characters interact with one another. They all understand eachother so well. I can't even stop reading to upload my own stories right now; I just keep telling myself "just one more chapter...ok this one will be the last...ok this one..."

I'll leave another review in a few chapters and try to read fast enough to catch up with the sequel.
4/8/2010 c35 lastonetostand
what is with the abusing of Ki'ol's knee in this chapter? you'd think you were upset with Ki'ol for some reason?
9/30/2008 c64 NoLongerInUseYo
Well, lucky me. I got to read this long after the complete story was loaded, and...I was going to review before...but the story was so deliciously wonderful that I decided I'd just submit one BIG review at the end. And as for the end, you are evil! Pure evil! I can't believe you call that an ending; I must know what happens or I'll lose my mind! But I digress...anyway, this was brilliant. I loved your use of language, your well-rounded characters, your semi-omniscient pov, and your storyline. All in all, I found your story incredibly refreshing compared to some of the stuff I've read on this site. You made me want to keep reading. You kept just enough secret to goad me onto the next chapter (or next 12 chapters). It wasn't too long, and it didn't drag. Your characters suffered not only externally, but internally as well, and they were not just "good" or "bad" (referencing your mc's mostly) as they are in so many stories. I want to see this published. You deserve to be published. I think with some minor editing, this could be a best seller. I wish you much luck on your writing career. If you ever do break into print (or have broken into print), please send me a message, and I would love to buy a copy of your work.

Let's make little writing babies ^^,

Erin York
6/7/2007 c64 9RestlessOne
ok I know that this was wrote awhile ago but I am so blown away by your story. This is one hell of a story. Well Done!
5/24/2007 c64 3Aberrant Lycanthrope
Lots to say so little space...

First of all, very good story. The plot was enjoyable and unique. One problem I had was the "unestablished" feel of the world. There was very little government, the land had no feel of nations. Also I found it odd that the back story of the band is so vague. Corrina should have appeared elsewhere besides the next to last chapter my friend, you had people trying to guess who the soul was, and they had no way of knowing who it was. Shame on you. I hope there is a sequel, I shall check later.

Aberrant Lycanthrope
5/23/2007 c22 Aberrant Lycanthrope
hey, i saw somewhere that you commented on Ki'ols use of marijuana. That is the most believable aspect of his character, since tobacco came from the americas...
5/22/2007 c1 Aberrant Lycanthrope
good first chapter, this behemoth certainly promises to be worth the time i shall spend on it. You have no idea how relieved I am to find a decent story in this section that doesn't have gay romance, I thank you for that, many a story has been ruined by an authors need to put male male relationships in stories.
2/23/2007 c64 Evolutionism

I have recently finished this story and although it seems that it was completed over two years ago I would still like to give my review.


I’m not sure I have your world solidified in my mind (though that might have been your intention). I had no sense of kingdoms or nations, or any form of government at all, save the “city hall” where Ki’ol steals the files. The structure of society is very important before a world can be believable to me. I also had a problem with the demons that appeared through out the story. It seems to me that demons (such as the muralings and the tempest) roaming around a world would be a terrible crisis; however, it seemed like a common occurrence. Where they summoned by the Demon King? I remember that there was something about a planar tear as to why the demons are everywhere (when the Band first met Degas), but I think it would be helpful to the reader if they know what’s going on with the demons.

However, I absolutely love your concept of the Lord and the Lady. At first I got the impression that they represented Good and Evil because of the Black Priests, but as the story went on I lost that first impression. In general I really liked the role religions or more specifically, deities played in this story.


Ki’ol – I didn’t find anything particularly interesting about Ki’ol. It seemed to me that he was another anti-hero archetype, not that I don’t like anti-heroes because I do. :] His curses bothered me though. I felt like “fuck” and “shit” pulled me out of your world too much.

Talin – I fell in love with his character immediately. The problem is I started to fall out of love by the end. In the beginning he seems so solid—a strong, stoic, immovable leader. As the story progressed he lost all of that, and I just considered him as insane (Ki’ol pointed out that he was losing his sanity at one point I think and it was true). He no longer seems like such a great man or such a great leader anymore.

Salahim – Salahim is amazing. He is chivalrous, dependable, composed. By the end he was clearly the true leader of the Iron Band and you wrote his character flawlessly. XD

Elohm/Na’elia/Kelisa –I’m putting these three together because I don’t really have much to say about them. I think you could have developed them a little more. I would like to know more about their relationships. I thought Kelisa was annoying. I’m not sure why. She kept being teleported back whenever the Band needed her and she acted all, “Oh yes, I’m so powerful. Adore me.” Not really, but that’s what it seemed like to me. Haha.

Pulan – Pulan is amazing. She is a dark, sexy elf with attitude. I wish she was my lover. I just don’t want any stripes, please. The only problem I have is with her sudden transformations from cold-hearted assassin to hurt-puppy. Was it just me? But, really she’s amazing, and Ki’ol does not deserve her.

Neru – Not much to say about her. I never really liked her.

Degas/Sekhmet – I can’t believe he died. Degas is by far my favorite character. He seemed really suave, yet modest and extremely powerful. He could have totally took that guy (what’s his name, the head Fire Mage) and not given himself as a martyr. Sekhmet was also very cool. It was an excellent concept. I also had a feeling that Degas and Sekhmet shared more than just a plutonic love. ;]


Generally the plot was well done. Unlike many other fantasies yours was not just another Tolkien rip. In other words were not on a quest to save the world. The problem I had with your world was the demons. I felt that demons were really out of place in your world. Although I’m bias because I feel like demons are always out of place in human worlds. I think it’s because demons sound end-of-the-world like and your story was not about that. It was more about saving-long-lost-love. I honestly think it would have been better if she was taken by an evil wizard or bandit lord or something. (Which reminds me, how can a Demon-King-sized penis fit inside a little person like Leila. I can image his penis being huge, being a demon and 8-feet and all. Anyways, that’s probably not that important. I’m just perverted, though I preferred to say “detailed”)

And… well I have a lot to say, mostly because I really enjoyed reading this, but also because I’m extremely long-winded. Unfortunately, I have to go to class. I look forward to reading the sequal, although I’m tempeted to wait until you finish the whole thing because I don’t like waiting for chapters.

Till next time.

- effete
11/17/2006 c64 jingshe
I adore your world, the characters, and especially love the ending. No more cliche, for once. The only fault I found with the story was *spoiler alert* Pulan's overnight transformation from a very cold and distant person filled with hate, to a dangerous seductress, suddenly blowing kisses all the time. Other than that, I absolutely loved every minute of the story. I am now your fan and off to read the rest of your stories :).
9/9/2006 c64 12Naamela
Hello! I finished! Will tell you what I think later on, possibly via Google Talk or something. Now: sleep.
9/9/2006 c18 Naamela
Before I forget: I just realized that "pu" is Chinese for "strike" or "hit," and "lan" means "block."
12/1/2005 c64 MasterFantasy
Greetings once again Fate! Guess what, I finally got to read all of Angelus and now am ready to give a real review. I just hope to not be too hard on you. First of all, nearly all of the characters were good. My most favorite was Salahim. I had mixed feelings about Ki’ol. To me he seemed just the usual antihero cool guy doomed to be liked by everybody. You gave him great lines but to me he seemed to be just a thief and a coward unworthy of any respect. So in my opinion he wasn’t quite fit to be the eyes of the reader in this particular story. I also prefer a group adventure to be told from different perspectives. Because of the most of the events happening around Ki’ol, it felt kind of weird for you to switch to Talin at the moment of his big fight with the Devil King. You couldn’t have had it in any other way of course but other than Talin and Ki’ol no other character was really that revealed to me. Such a one sided perspective also deprived me of an important interaction between Talin and Leila before their wedding. I was very much expecting it once you mentioned it. Elohm and Na’elia’s story line was worth exploring more. The use you made out of Kelisa’s character was not preferred. What was the point of her leaving, if they called her back every time the need for the character arose? As for the others - Degas and Neru’s bickering provided some very much enjoyed tension and your Sekhmet character concept was very interesting. Talin seemed to change his mental status too many times. It showed most in the middle of the story at the 30-something chapters. That’s why I believe such an unstable character was unfit for the place of leader. Salahim was the true head of the Iron Band in my opinion, no matter what you made Ki’ol say, as if I would trust the judgment of a thief. The Paladin was the band’s spirit carrier! As I already mentioned, when it comes to telling a story about a group I try to tell about each character equally as much so they would all feel as important. Besides all that, more character image description wouldn’t have hurt. And now for the story’s structure: For me there were too many unneeded secondary fighting events. Every time the Iron Band traveled from one major place to the other there would be an obligate battle just to provide them some action along the way. What about the whole struggle through terrain like suddenly getting lost or the air having a bad influence on the party? There can be more perils in traveling than a physical enemy you know. The best example would be the presence of the Dead Spirits, best shown in chapter 56. They were there but no direct confrontation ever commenced, what mattered were the prolonged emotional struggle the characters got from the atmosphere. I enjoyed reading that one chapter very much. Moving along: The Shaman said that Talin needed all the people in his party but I felt there was too little of what they actually have done to help him in his final battle. At least a maze or a puzzle or two, other than the lock picking, to have something other than physical action and bloodshed would’ve been nice. Back to Talin: His girlfriend sure could get up and speak easily after such a long period of pain. As far as I understand human emotions she shouldn’t have been able to move at all. She would rather fall into disbelief and faint because of the shock of seeing her savior after so much agony. But that’s just the way I see it. The big man’s whole revenge thing at the end became too cruel and boring. I didn’t like chapter 52. I already understood that the Devil King was defeated and humiliated to no end, now could we please get on with the killing already. But I like your cruelty - Leila being actually raped to no end. Clichéd conventional stories always have the damsel in peril nearly unharmed. So my appreciation to you for that. But it all fell in the right place at the end - Leila being not what she seemed and Talin, having nowhere else to go, becoming a slave gladiator - somewhat predictable. And him destroying the body of his eternal love, thus preventing her spirit from coming back ever again, instead of accepting it as he always did and trying once again in some way, confirms that he is an unstable fellow and unworthy of the leading role. I sure hope you add some more background to the Iron Band in the sequel, I still haven’t caught how did they all come together. Finally, after reading through the whole tale I found that ‘Angelus’ didn’t seem to fit as its title. The Angle had little to do with it in my opinion, just a device. You could actually have it as the secondary title and the main one be ‘The Iron Band’, no? And as another of my personal preferences - your chapters also could’ve used titles. And there you have it. Overall and a nice read worth my while. I apologize, if this kind of review lowers your self esteem. It was not my intention. I tend to find more mistakes than things I enjoy in a fiction work. And I also apologize, if I overlooked points in the story that contradict my review. The thing is I have a slight attention disorder and sometimes find myself drifting away in my thoughts during reading practically any kind of text. The mystery I’m currently occupied with is Sekhmet’s disappearance. Either I missed her death in the Devil King’s realm or kept missing her presence in the later chapters. And now I’m off reading The Kerikan Lord! Take care and good luck to you with it! Your pal, Rythsaad aka Fantasy Master aka Arthur. ;) PS: Contact me.
11/29/2005 c64 89Crucified Sanctity

The end. Terribly sad. Horrifically so. I'm so damned glad I have The Kerikan Lord to go to now
11/28/2005 c48 Crucified Sanctity
The bit where Talin finally frees Leila actually brought tears to my eyes :( It was the line "Mine. My love." It just broke me
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