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1/11/2004 c1 28frugale
Nice storytelling; but things go too far, unexplained ... Don't bother. Your formatting and wording is very effective!
7/19/2003 c1 36obsidian katana
wonderful story! so full of emotion, very sad. well written, makes me feel sorry for the child, unwilling to believe the truth about the woman. anyway, good job. keep on writing!
5/16/2003 c1 38Shadafakup
Ahh.. That's so sad.. But its amazing.. I liked the descriptions and contrasts used.. Great piece..
5/6/2003 c1 8RavenPhoenix
listen my friend

this is amazing! u have talent... dont think otherwise ok? i have a new poem that will be posted this afternoon... im quite ticked off right now so i wrote one. i cant post it now because im not home. but anyways i will read more of your poems :) excellent job :):)
4/30/2003 c1 26kamikaze899
that was really, really sad.. made me think about what it would be like. excellent job, keep writing ^_^
4/29/2003 c1 128Zainab
That was sad. Poor guy. The beginning, (ok i spelled that wrong...i think..i dunno ok) reminded me of a book i'm reading "violin" by anne rice. excellent book. this is a great short story.
4/29/2003 c1 24Silver Silk
I like this one, its almost like a short story.. or is it? I thought it was a poem, but you were right in your summary, good work!
4/25/2003 c1 lostinscotland
wow...i like it. except i got slightly confused a bit farther into it...

you have a great vocabulary, and i do mean great. keep that up!

aside from that, you may want to proofread just a little bit, see about a few more commas, etc.

but overall, i loved it. very good, very emotional, keep it up!
4/23/2003 c1 The Black Rider
This was very upsetting. You're not a horrible story writer at all. Your strengths are probably in poetry, but this story had a very atmospheric feel to it, which made it poetic. Never give up.
4/22/2003 c1 PinkrMS
How very sad. Nicely written.
4/22/2003 c1 64not sure yet
aw, very sad and short, but i like it anywayz, nicely done
4/22/2003 c1 28ChaoxAngel
A very sad piece... You have written this piece very nicely. Be looking forward to read more of your writing. :o)

~DW
4/21/2003 c1 68Princess Mulan
This is such a sad story.

A very lovely piece, you did an amazing job on this

So touching.
4/20/2003 c1 40Special K Birmingham
I love the description. It's just marvellous. I wonder if this could be extended into a longer short story, if you get my meaning. It's great, but I wish there were more of it. I want to carry on reading, but there's nothing left!

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