for Just An Average Everyone5/10/2004 c13 
7SaintEm0
update dis storie plz...im so sads now that sits ended...more plz i will give you fudge
7SaintEm0update dis storie plz...im so sads now that sits ended...more plz i will give you fudge
7/20/2003 c12 PrettyPepperita
^_^ I really enjoyed this story! You did a good job of keeping people interested. Please write more!
^_^ I really enjoyed this story! You did a good job of keeping people interested. Please write more!
6/22/2003 c12 8Teresz
uhoh, AAron...a murderer? ah! Okay, I hope what I said earlier didn't offend you! But, I'm glad you thought about it. That makes me feel special. Nice chapter. this story is like twisting and turnin to the point that I have no clue where you're going. But it does keep people reading! Nice character descriptions this scene. I'm proud of you. lol. Atakinga break from your writing always helps. Just make sure you get back on it soon. It took me two years to continue "Forever Haunted!" Sometimes, when you take a break, the ending comes out better. Good luck, and I'll keep reading. Have a great summer!
8Tereszuhoh, AAron...a murderer? ah! Okay, I hope what I said earlier didn't offend you! But, I'm glad you thought about it. That makes me feel special. Nice chapter. this story is like twisting and turnin to the point that I have no clue where you're going. But it does keep people reading! Nice character descriptions this scene. I'm proud of you. lol. Atakinga break from your writing always helps. Just make sure you get back on it soon. It took me two years to continue "Forever Haunted!" Sometimes, when you take a break, the ending comes out better. Good luck, and I'll keep reading. Have a great summer!
6/19/2003 c11 1Contentess
Wow. This story has ended up a lot different from how it started out. I was very surprised by the events that took place. You are doing a good job of creating suspense.
1ContentessWow. This story has ended up a lot different from how it started out. I was very surprised by the events that took place. You are doing a good job of creating suspense.
6/19/2003 c11 8Teresz
of course were curious! okay, a bit of a critism I am gonna get out, I love the story and plot, but your writing style when there is a lot of action is at a bit of a fault. You are a great writer with many ideas in your head. But I have a sneaky feeling that you are not getting what is in your head conveyed to the audience! There are different types of characters and they all have personalities that do not change easily. One minute Chrissy was practically beating emily up and the next she was on her hands and knees? I see why. Emily threatened to kill her, but shouldn't Chrissy question her a bit? or like back up to a window and question her, instead of immeediatly giving in. Chrissy is a strong girl, and she just made a wimp of her self. Work in this chapter a bit, as well as the rest of the story. But, don't get e wrong, it's a great story, and I can't wait to read more!
8Tereszof course were curious! okay, a bit of a critism I am gonna get out, I love the story and plot, but your writing style when there is a lot of action is at a bit of a fault. You are a great writer with many ideas in your head. But I have a sneaky feeling that you are not getting what is in your head conveyed to the audience! There are different types of characters and they all have personalities that do not change easily. One minute Chrissy was practically beating emily up and the next she was on her hands and knees? I see why. Emily threatened to kill her, but shouldn't Chrissy question her a bit? or like back up to a window and question her, instead of immeediatly giving in. Chrissy is a strong girl, and she just made a wimp of her self. Work in this chapter a bit, as well as the rest of the story. But, don't get e wrong, it's a great story, and I can't wait to read more!
6/13/2003 c9 Teresz
youch. She hurt AAron? That's not gonna help their friendship get any better! write more!
youch. She hurt AAron? That's not gonna help their friendship get any better! write more!
6/12/2003 c9 1J.M.W
Oh man, oh man! This is bad! Very good story so far! Please keep up the good work!
1J.M.WOh man, oh man! This is bad! Very good story so far! Please keep up the good work!
6/2/2003 c8 8Teresz
isn't it strange how in the face of tradgedy, the truth comes out? I always find that amazing. And as Brittany, one of the charcters in "IN THIS ONE YEAR TOO MANY" (my kinda published kinda un published story...I have a bit up, but not anything about Brittany really)anywho...as Brittany always says "The good comes from the worse"
I wanted to comment on one aspect of your writing. Often you use a certain technique. You used it here. The nurse walked out the door. Silence" you say 'Silence.' and leave it at that. I love that. It really puts a reader into the setting. Awesome! Good chapter. I hope things work out. I am sure they will, in some way.
8Tereszisn't it strange how in the face of tradgedy, the truth comes out? I always find that amazing. And as Brittany, one of the charcters in "IN THIS ONE YEAR TOO MANY" (my kinda published kinda un published story...I have a bit up, but not anything about Brittany really)anywho...as Brittany always says "The good comes from the worse"
I wanted to comment on one aspect of your writing. Often you use a certain technique. You used it here. The nurse walked out the door. Silence" you say 'Silence.' and leave it at that. I love that. It really puts a reader into the setting. Awesome! Good chapter. I hope things work out. I am sure they will, in some way.
5/5/2003 c7 10Confessing-Lies
U CANT JUST KILL HIM *says in between mock hits* thats evil! ah! keep up the great work! yay
10Confessing-LiesU CANT JUST KILL HIM *says in between mock hits* thats evil! ah! keep up the great work! yay
4/27/2003 c6 Teresz
oh *wink, wink*...I think he likes her...well, she likes him. both,probably. Good Good. Inlike this. One thing tat may halp ou make ur chapters longer and is a grammar thing. When you have a dialouge, when each person talks it is a different line. So like...watch...
*
"how are you?" aaron said.
"Peachy," Chrissy proclaimed, sarcastically.
"I see." He answeres back. "What were you saying earlier" he asked.
"Oh nothing." she said back to him.
*
Oh, you get the idea..lol. hope that helps. keep writing...i really like this story!
oh *wink, wink*...I think he likes her...well, she likes him. both,probably. Good Good. Inlike this. One thing tat may halp ou make ur chapters longer and is a grammar thing. When you have a dialouge, when each person talks it is a different line. So like...watch...
*
"how are you?" aaron said.
"Peachy," Chrissy proclaimed, sarcastically.
"I see." He answeres back. "What were you saying earlier" he asked.
"Oh nothing." she said back to him.
*
Oh, you get the idea..lol. hope that helps. keep writing...i really like this story!
4/27/2003 c5 Teresz
This is pretty good. Pretty simple plot. But, simple can be better. I mean look at the classics. lol. You have lots of Grammar errors...but that's okay. We all do..I mean my stories are like that too...lol. I am reading the 6th chapter now. Good job. I like it.
This is pretty good. Pretty simple plot. But, simple can be better. I mean look at the classics. lol. You have lots of Grammar errors...but that's okay. We all do..I mean my stories are like that too...lol. I am reading the 6th chapter now. Good job. I like it.