for Chocolate10/29/2003 c1 
21Moulin Rouge21
YUM CHOCOLATE! it seriously takes away any frown.. even if it's just for a little while, i truley believe that, GOOD JOB! *craves for chocolate now*
21Moulin Rouge21YUM CHOCOLATE! it seriously takes away any frown.. even if it's just for a little while, i truley believe that, GOOD JOB! *craves for chocolate now*
8/22/2003 c1 2Jamez
lol. I love chocolate. But I have a friend who hates it! Weird, eh?
Anyway, you should say "just what any girl needs", because if you say "so much better than weed", it sounds like you just put in any word that rhymes with seed. But what do i know, right:) lol. Good poem though...Hm I'm getting a little hungry.
~*JaMeZ*~
2Jamezlol. I love chocolate. But I have a friend who hates it! Weird, eh?
Anyway, you should say "just what any girl needs", because if you say "so much better than weed", it sounds like you just put in any word that rhymes with seed. But what do i know, right:) lol. Good poem though...Hm I'm getting a little hungry.
~*JaMeZ*~
7/31/2003 c1 58mapofyourhead
Hm...I'm going to say Just what any girl needs, because it seems to fit.
The heck with diamonds...chocolate is a girl's best friend!
:-P Good poem...chocolate is definately the best comfort food.
~*SableTrumpetress
58mapofyourheadHm...I'm going to say Just what any girl needs, because it seems to fit.
The heck with diamonds...chocolate is a girl's best friend!
:-P Good poem...chocolate is definately the best comfort food.
~*SableTrumpetress
6/29/2003 c1 Amethyst Blood
That's a nice poem. I like the way you pulled off the rhyme. So many times, poems end up with a forced rhyme sceame simply because they noticed two of the lines rhymed and decided to continue it.
My favorite lines: "She slows the inner war/ peace is near"
Keep it up!
-A+B
That's a nice poem. I like the way you pulled off the rhyme. So many times, poems end up with a forced rhyme sceame simply because they noticed two of the lines rhymed and decided to continue it.
My favorite lines: "She slows the inner war/ peace is near"
Keep it up!
-A+B
6/23/2003 c1 Kyalia
"Just what any girl needs". Writing in itself is already so much better than weed. I'll be back.
"Just what any girl needs". Writing in itself is already so much better than weed. I'll be back.
6/23/2003 c1 38Twixt Realities
Haha, very clever! The rhymes make it have a cool rhythm to it. Great job!
-Erica-
P.S. It's cool to see another Evanescence fan, I love them!
38Twixt RealitiesHaha, very clever! The rhymes make it have a cool rhythm to it. Great job!
-Erica-
P.S. It's cool to see another Evanescence fan, I love them!
6/21/2003 c1 Heidi Miller
Yes, chocolate is the seed of a fruit (or some kind of plant, anyway...), and as for line 10, I think it's good as it is, but if you wanted to change it, you could drop the quotes and pop in an exclamation point (I dunno...just a suggestion.)
Also, thank you for the review. Being new to the whole story-writing thing, it means the world to me when someone actually takes the time to write to me about my story. Thanx.
~Heidi Miller ;)
Yes, chocolate is the seed of a fruit (or some kind of plant, anyway...), and as for line 10, I think it's good as it is, but if you wanted to change it, you could drop the quotes and pop in an exclamation point (I dunno...just a suggestion.)
Also, thank you for the review. Being new to the whole story-writing thing, it means the world to me when someone actually takes the time to write to me about my story. Thanx.
~Heidi Miller ;)
6/20/2003 c1 No7h1ng
I think "just what a girl needs" is better because weed isn't mentioned at all in the poem thus it is just a random mentioning and that makes it sound funny. if you were comparing chocolare to weed then you could use the weed part. anyway, i like this poem. it is quite cute! i'm glad she got her chocolate too! ^_^
I think "just what a girl needs" is better because weed isn't mentioned at all in the poem thus it is just a random mentioning and that makes it sound funny. if you were comparing chocolare to weed then you could use the weed part. anyway, i like this poem. it is quite cute! i'm glad she got her chocolate too! ^_^
6/16/2003 c1 39Janne Doe
True that! Let's hear it for chocolate covered almonds: Endorphine covered aphrodisiacs! ^_~
I like "better than weed" myself, but that's just me.
Keep up the good work!
T~H
39Janne DoeTrue that! Let's hear it for chocolate covered almonds: Endorphine covered aphrodisiacs! ^_~
I like "better than weed" myself, but that's just me.
Keep up the good work!
T~H
6/4/2003 c1 2pendelynn
M Chocolate . . . Good poem I think that "Just what a girl needs" fits better with this poem but thats just my opinion
2pendelynnM Chocolate . . . Good poem I think that "Just what a girl needs" fits better with this poem but thats just my opinion
6/4/2003 c1 8Mountain Peak
great job!
i think that ""Just what a girl needss" sounds better
ya, neways, good job!
8Mountain Peakgreat job!
i think that ""Just what a girl needss" sounds better
ya, neways, good job!
6/3/2003 c1 4ColorCrayons
i personally like the one about weed, and yes, it is a girls best friend...wonderful job
4ColorCrayonsi personally like the one about weed, and yes, it is a girls best friend...wonderful job