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5/30/2005 c1 27WiredWords
after i finished reading this i discovered my body was all tensed up. so yes, i think you achieved your purpose.
4/28/2003 c1 7Unhappily Neverafter
Brit: *Is in math class* O, I got the picturage in my head! So sad!
4/24/2003 c1 C you know who I am
Hi! Guess who I am? You wanted a review, so here's one! You probably didn't want to get it on this story, but I'm going to review this anyway even though I've already read this. :) You see, I don't have time to read any other story/poem that you wrote because I really don't have time right now and I just looked at this because I needed to make sure that this was you. I recognized this story so I decided to check and it turned out to be you and I remembered what you said about reviews so here's one! You probably didn't want me to review like this, but I'm going to anyway. Feel free to delete this from you're list of reviews after you've read this if you want.

Okay, now about this scene, I thought that this was okay and was a little vague and detailed at the same time. It had a feel around it of seriousness, creepyness, and sort of a feeling of mystery around it. You lead you're writing of this scene up to the end just right by dropping hints of what is to happen through the whole story. This was kind of gloomy though with the death and the other people's interest in it and even though they knew what was to happen, they did't do anything about it and just stood by and watched solemnly. Why was the person hung anyway?

Well, see you later! :):):):):p
4/24/2003 c1 1aleppine
Contrary to the opinion of the last reviewer, I don't think you used too many 'big words' at all, and the message was conveyed quite simply because the events were all very straightfoward ... yes, you have succeeded in creating a powerful without the use of dialogue. I think the intensity is conveyed quite well in the actions of the people throughout the scene - the way they first avoid the cart and hide in their shut-up homes, then the way they come out to observe with that grotesque fascination. The presence of silence throughout, disturbed only with the groaning of the cart wheels and such, and the charged air, and the lack of speech even - it all merges to build a wonderfully intense atmosphere. Well done. Sorry about writing an essay. And pls don't kill Sirius in future writing. It's not nice. (:(
4/23/2003 c1 23Fina Arvanthol
You succeeded in in making a powerful scene without dialogue, however, I think you were working at sounding too impressive rather than trying to communicate a message. Ease up a little and relax. Your story will be fine without working so hard to put in those "big" words. Watch out for run-ons because those can make your story hard to understand. Other than that, I really enjoyed it and I hope that you will continue with it. Nice job.

-Gamer GX

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