for Divine Inflection4/5/2005 c8 falconstrife86
YEA!
XD "Even diluted as it was by this mortal form, Simeon knew that he could easily make the boy his. He wasn't into men, otherwise he might have been tempted."
It nearly killed me, trying not to laugh at that line (since I'm supposed to be doing school work ^^; ).
Anyway, I can't believe Kokuyo believed them. I can see JJ believing, and Simei's dad, but not Kokuyo (btw, I LOVE J.J.! ^_^ ). Ne... it's coming to an end soon, though... Ah well. It's still good.
YEA!
XD "Even diluted as it was by this mortal form, Simeon knew that he could easily make the boy his. He wasn't into men, otherwise he might have been tempted."
It nearly killed me, trying not to laugh at that line (since I'm supposed to be doing school work ^^; ).
Anyway, I can't believe Kokuyo believed them. I can see JJ believing, and Simei's dad, but not Kokuyo (btw, I LOVE J.J.! ^_^ ). Ne... it's coming to an end soon, though... Ah well. It's still good.
4/5/2005 c7 falconstrife86
The completed chapter. ^_^ It was pretty good. No lemon? No biggy. ^_^ A story doesn't need lemon to be a good one, which has been true throughout this particular story. Still mechanical errors, but oh well. It's a darn good story.
XD Hisei's "bring money just in case" instinct sounds like my paranoia. XD
The completed chapter. ^_^ It was pretty good. No lemon? No biggy. ^_^ A story doesn't need lemon to be a good one, which has been true throughout this particular story. Still mechanical errors, but oh well. It's a darn good story.
XD Hisei's "bring money just in case" instinct sounds like my paranoia. XD
4/5/2005 c6 falconstrife86
O_O XD Hisei was right! Looks like they DID retain some form of memory from the immortal life.
I especially liked the line, "Sounds like the kind of obsession I engender in mortals. Been in danger of Falling lately?" XD Cute and funny.
O_O XD Hisei was right! Looks like they DID retain some form of memory from the immortal life.
I especially liked the line, "Sounds like the kind of obsession I engender in mortals. Been in danger of Falling lately?" XD Cute and funny.
4/5/2005 c5 falconstrife86
1) There are some errors regarding dates.
Hisei and Simeon met during October. Her attack was around November when Kokuyo was upset with her, and then this chapter took place 2 months after her attack, so it would actually be January.
2) The scene change was too sudden between when Hisei says she wants to go with her brothers, and when she ends up alone in the building. It doesn't explain how they got in or when, or even why they got seperated, so this part could use some work.
Other than that and the mechanical errors, it was a pretty good chapter. Even more thrilling-edging than the last. I really enjoyed it. I feel really bad for Simeon, though. Kokuyo was such a jerk after he saved Hisei! Understandable, though, I guess.
Anyway, good chapter.
1) There are some errors regarding dates.
Hisei and Simeon met during October. Her attack was around November when Kokuyo was upset with her, and then this chapter took place 2 months after her attack, so it would actually be January.
2) The scene change was too sudden between when Hisei says she wants to go with her brothers, and when she ends up alone in the building. It doesn't explain how they got in or when, or even why they got seperated, so this part could use some work.
Other than that and the mechanical errors, it was a pretty good chapter. Even more thrilling-edging than the last. I really enjoyed it. I feel really bad for Simeon, though. Kokuyo was such a jerk after he saved Hisei! Understandable, though, I guess.
Anyway, good chapter.
4/5/2005 c4 falconstrife86
o.o! Aii yi yi. Good chapter. It was certainly thrilling. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Hmm... I wonder if maybe Gabriel has anything to do with that annonymous call to the police (since he didn't seem too happy with Simeon and Hisei to begin with).
o.o! Aii yi yi. Good chapter. It was certainly thrilling. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Hmm... I wonder if maybe Gabriel has anything to do with that annonymous call to the police (since he didn't seem too happy with Simeon and Hisei to begin with).
4/5/2005 c3 falconstrife86
Mechanical errors again. ^^;
XD I nearly started laughing with Simeon and Hisei. Very good chapter. I like how you are able to transition the atmosphere.
The story is very effective so far, and I'm glad you made it known that girls, no matter how pure they may be, have physical desires as well. Very realistic.
Also, I like how you have been going backwards in the timeline of the relationship between Simeon and Hisei in their former life. Most times run the timeline forward, or else reveal everything when they work backwards. You have managed to run the timeline backwards without revealing anything, and to be able to do that is a sign of a great author. Excellent job.
Mechanical errors again. ^^;
XD I nearly started laughing with Simeon and Hisei. Very good chapter. I like how you are able to transition the atmosphere.
The story is very effective so far, and I'm glad you made it known that girls, no matter how pure they may be, have physical desires as well. Very realistic.
Also, I like how you have been going backwards in the timeline of the relationship between Simeon and Hisei in their former life. Most times run the timeline forward, or else reveal everything when they work backwards. You have managed to run the timeline backwards without revealing anything, and to be able to do that is a sign of a great author. Excellent job.
4/5/2005 c2 falconstrife86
Hmm... once again the mechanics need to be looked after. Other than that, good chapter.
I've also noticed the quotes you use at the end of the chapters. Pretty neat. ^_^ And I like that you are focussing on both characters, rather than just Hisei.
Hmm... once again the mechanics need to be looked after. Other than that, good chapter.
I've also noticed the quotes you use at the end of the chapters. Pretty neat. ^_^ And I like that you are focussing on both characters, rather than just Hisei.
4/5/2005 c1 falconstrife86
Hmm... There are a lot of mechanical errors (spelling, punctuation, sentence structure). Other than that, I like it. A classic plot with interesting characters.
I was surprised that Simeon was the one to approach her, and especially the way he did. Normally the guy would be stuck up while the innocent girl followed him around, but instead he's the one who seems to be looking for her. ^_^ I like it.
Hmm... There are a lot of mechanical errors (spelling, punctuation, sentence structure). Other than that, I like it. A classic plot with interesting characters.
I was surprised that Simeon was the one to approach her, and especially the way he did. Normally the guy would be stuck up while the innocent girl followed him around, but instead he's the one who seems to be looking for her. ^_^ I like it.
11/23/2004 c10 Poco-poco
YOU POSTED! YAY! MUCH JOY! (*dances*)
Well, actually I can't dance as I am at school cutting english class homework to read...but I dance in spirit!
YOu better post soon! YOu left us all off in the middle of the chapter...(*glares*) Evil, devious you...(*claps*) well, done...you're learning well, Grasshopper...
(*smirk*)
Ja ne
YOU POSTED! YAY! MUCH JOY! (*dances*)
Well, actually I can't dance as I am at school cutting english class homework to read...but I dance in spirit!
YOu better post soon! YOu left us all off in the middle of the chapter...(*glares*) Evil, devious you...(*claps*) well, done...you're learning well, Grasshopper...
(*smirk*)
Ja ne
10/7/2004 c10 Pen Against Sword
U have to keep going! U updated three months ago! c'mon! This is awesome. What the hell is wrong with Kokuyo?
U have to keep going! U updated three months ago! c'mon! This is awesome. What the hell is wrong with Kokuyo?
9/17/2004 c10 
84this is my love for you
This is a terribly good story - i am so jealous! I've always found those sort of things - angels and demons - interesting, even if i am agnostic. Please please please update soon!
84this is my love for youThis is a terribly good story - i am so jealous! I've always found those sort of things - angels and demons - interesting, even if i am agnostic. Please please please update soon!
9/6/2004 c1 Old River
Oni-baka,
I love your Divine Inflection story! I'll read more of it when I have the time. I think you'll like my story "The Old River Trilogy Vol. 1: Planet of the Gods" I only have the 1st chapter up. take care!
Old River
Oni-baka,
I love your Divine Inflection story! I'll read more of it when I have the time. I think you'll like my story "The Old River Trilogy Vol. 1: Planet of the Gods" I only have the 1st chapter up. take care!
Old River
8/12/2004 c9 25midzen
Ahh! Chapter 9! Needed! Such great story! Why is Koku-kun evil now? Is it because he got almost seduced by a demon? It's such a great story. I really hope you continue with it. A great plot and well-developed characters...just sucks you in and makes you feel all the people's pain and happiness. Great writing!
25midzenAhh! Chapter 9! Needed! Such great story! Why is Koku-kun evil now? Is it because he got almost seduced by a demon? It's such a great story. I really hope you continue with it. A great plot and well-developed characters...just sucks you in and makes you feel all the people's pain and happiness. Great writing!
8/5/2004 c9 6tandemgirl
WOW...how else can I put it? I've just the most interesting story ever...how the hell can you just stop writing? You haven't updated in 1/2 a year...plz tell me that you are planning to write the next chapter, and not leave this story to rot and die...it's too good. Sheesh, I need to know if Simson and Hisei make it to heaven! Your story is like nicotine...I can't live without it, and I don't plan to quit anytime soon!
6tandemgirlWOW...how else can I put it? I've just the most interesting story ever...how the hell can you just stop writing? You haven't updated in 1/2 a year...plz tell me that you are planning to write the next chapter, and not leave this story to rot and die...it's too good. Sheesh, I need to know if Simson and Hisei make it to heaven! Your story is like nicotine...I can't live without it, and I don't plan to quit anytime soon!