for Divine Inflection6/17/2003 c4 
3Athene Saille
omg. this is an amazing story, and it's making me worried for simeon and hisei. BAD DEMONS! Well, all except for simeon, in his demon life or whatever you want to call it.
3Athene Sailleomg. this is an amazing story, and it's making me worried for simeon and hisei. BAD DEMONS! Well, all except for simeon, in his demon life or whatever you want to call it.
6/17/2003 c4 5Kitzophrenic
Yikes. Talk about a plot jump. We go from 'oh, let's get ice cream' to 'oh no, I'm being framed for the bloodthirsty massacre of dozens of innocent people' to 'ah, an evil big-jawed demon is attempting to bite my arm off, it's a good thing my bro's here to hold it together'.
Don't worry, I'm not mocking yer ficcy, it's just my bizarre, over-zealous rambling. The story is actually progressing nicely, if a little quickly. What exactly is that demon-thing I wonder? I have two theories-
1) Simeon turns into this horrific demon-like monster,and he has no control of his transformation.
2) The beastie is actually something sent from Lucifer to destroy both Simeon and Hisei so that he can never 'rise' (would killing Hisei probably help with that?) and she can... er... That's all I've got.
Well? Am I close, or possibly so far away it's like I'm on some distant planet's fifteenth moon or something? I guess I'll just have to wait to find out, ne? SO HURRY YOUR BUTT and UPDATE!
... please?
5KitzophrenicYikes. Talk about a plot jump. We go from 'oh, let's get ice cream' to 'oh no, I'm being framed for the bloodthirsty massacre of dozens of innocent people' to 'ah, an evil big-jawed demon is attempting to bite my arm off, it's a good thing my bro's here to hold it together'.
Don't worry, I'm not mocking yer ficcy, it's just my bizarre, over-zealous rambling. The story is actually progressing nicely, if a little quickly. What exactly is that demon-thing I wonder? I have two theories-
1) Simeon turns into this horrific demon-like monster,and he has no control of his transformation.
2) The beastie is actually something sent from Lucifer to destroy both Simeon and Hisei so that he can never 'rise' (would killing Hisei probably help with that?) and she can... er... That's all I've got.
Well? Am I close, or possibly so far away it's like I'm on some distant planet's fifteenth moon or something? I guess I'll just have to wait to find out, ne? SO HURRY YOUR BUTT and UPDATE!
... please?
6/9/2003 c3 33Dolores
5 minutes later, another review from me... Ditto all the I like it stuff I already said. However, I did notice a few errors this time. I like the imagery in the second paragraph, but the second I in "I think that purring is the most soothing noise i've ever heard." needs to be capitalized. Another I isn't capitilized in the fourth paragraph and I think you forgot the w in wiles. I like the argument about the "mortals", it seems like something they've been over before and just can't agree on. I don't quite get why everyone he kills goes to Hell, unless they all sin first? In the It's my nature paragraph, last sentence, I think you mean to not th and that not tht. It's interesting that she will 'only' fall and he risks eternal destruction. In that paragraph you forgot to capitalize an I.
"Giving a lame excuse to the school receptionist from a nearby payphone, Hisei strolled along in a square near her school, frowning to herself." I think this sentence would flow better if you wrote, She gave a lame excues to the school receptionist from a nearby payphone, then strolled along in a square... because she can't stroll and talk on the phone simultaneously.
I think that's it. So far, good story-just watch the I s. ; )
33Dolores5 minutes later, another review from me... Ditto all the I like it stuff I already said. However, I did notice a few errors this time. I like the imagery in the second paragraph, but the second I in "I think that purring is the most soothing noise i've ever heard." needs to be capitalized. Another I isn't capitilized in the fourth paragraph and I think you forgot the w in wiles. I like the argument about the "mortals", it seems like something they've been over before and just can't agree on. I don't quite get why everyone he kills goes to Hell, unless they all sin first? In the It's my nature paragraph, last sentence, I think you mean to not th and that not tht. It's interesting that she will 'only' fall and he risks eternal destruction. In that paragraph you forgot to capitalize an I.
"Giving a lame excuse to the school receptionist from a nearby payphone, Hisei strolled along in a square near her school, frowning to herself." I think this sentence would flow better if you wrote, She gave a lame excues to the school receptionist from a nearby payphone, then strolled along in a square... because she can't stroll and talk on the phone simultaneously.
I think that's it. So far, good story-just watch the I s. ; )
6/9/2003 c2 Dolores
Hello... I skipped reviewing on the first chapter so count that one as part of this... I think you have a pretty good story. Some parts have been done, like the angel with a demon/human sent to earth but you tell it with enough flare that it's okay. I think my favorite line was "By now, the angel knew better than to ask WHAT his love had traded-she probably didn't want to know the answer. " because it shows that there are differences between them that had to be overcome. Alot of people overlook that kind of detail. So again overall, well done... and if I don't review again, I'm prolly being lazy... or I lost the story. G'luck.
Hello... I skipped reviewing on the first chapter so count that one as part of this... I think you have a pretty good story. Some parts have been done, like the angel with a demon/human sent to earth but you tell it with enough flare that it's okay. I think my favorite line was "By now, the angel knew better than to ask WHAT his love had traded-she probably didn't want to know the answer. " because it shows that there are differences between them that had to be overcome. Alot of people overlook that kind of detail. So again overall, well done... and if I don't review again, I'm prolly being lazy... or I lost the story. G'luck.
5/27/2003 c3 niaka1
I can't wait until you update. I really appreciate people who can make their own story with their own plot. So even though I don't know you, I'm proud to say that I read your story. Us independent writers gotta stick together, ya know? ^-^ I enjoyed reading your story. I was having a bad day but after I read your story, I feel much better. Thanks!
I can't wait until you update. I really appreciate people who can make their own story with their own plot. So even though I don't know you, I'm proud to say that I read your story. Us independent writers gotta stick together, ya know? ^-^ I enjoyed reading your story. I was having a bad day but after I read your story, I feel much better. Thanks!
5/26/2003 c3 5Kitzophrenic
WOW!
This is so good! And yet so underappreciated! How could this go unnoticed by the thankless masses! HOW?
As soon as I read this I was thinking 'Whoa, why does this only have five reviews?' It confused me that something so good could go so unnoticed!
Personally, oni-baka (demon-idiot, right? Nice...), I believe this fic rightfully belongs in the manga section where it can be properly admired! Your genius is smothered here in the romance wing... But, t'is just my opinion, you may feel otherwise. *Sigh*
Okay, onto the fic. I really like how you've included the 'doomed-lovers' part at the beginning of each chapter. It's as if the readers are remembering as the characters are. The fact that you only use the terms 'angel' and 'demon' is a good point as well... Even though it wouldn't really make sense to use the names 'Hisei' and 'Simeon', because they didn't have those names at the time, now did they...?
(Yes, typing to myself... Scary, ne?)
Moving on, I really like how you're advancing the characters' relationship. They dislike each other and yet you describe their hidden feelings so well that it's as if you're reminding us at the same time that these two used to love each other. Such poetry, such description... *sniff* I'm tearing up here.
High-quality writing tends to do that to me...
So, keep up the amazing stuff! It's... (thinking of adjectives)... STUPEDOUS! Yeah, that's a good one. It's also one big joy to read and I beg you to UPDATE AS SOON AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN! Pretty please, I'm on my knees!
Oh, look, I rhymed, now you -have- to update quickly! So go on! ^_^
-Kit
5KitzophrenicWOW!
This is so good! And yet so underappreciated! How could this go unnoticed by the thankless masses! HOW?
As soon as I read this I was thinking 'Whoa, why does this only have five reviews?' It confused me that something so good could go so unnoticed!
Personally, oni-baka (demon-idiot, right? Nice...), I believe this fic rightfully belongs in the manga section where it can be properly admired! Your genius is smothered here in the romance wing... But, t'is just my opinion, you may feel otherwise. *Sigh*
Okay, onto the fic. I really like how you've included the 'doomed-lovers' part at the beginning of each chapter. It's as if the readers are remembering as the characters are. The fact that you only use the terms 'angel' and 'demon' is a good point as well... Even though it wouldn't really make sense to use the names 'Hisei' and 'Simeon', because they didn't have those names at the time, now did they...?
(Yes, typing to myself... Scary, ne?)
Moving on, I really like how you're advancing the characters' relationship. They dislike each other and yet you describe their hidden feelings so well that it's as if you're reminding us at the same time that these two used to love each other. Such poetry, such description... *sniff* I'm tearing up here.
High-quality writing tends to do that to me...
So, keep up the amazing stuff! It's... (thinking of adjectives)... STUPEDOUS! Yeah, that's a good one. It's also one big joy to read and I beg you to UPDATE AS SOON AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN! Pretty please, I'm on my knees!
Oh, look, I rhymed, now you -have- to update quickly! So go on! ^_^
-Kit