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for Severed Head

9/9/2007 c1 57Not Afraid of Bruises
great images...soem advice so this review is actually useful:

1. show, don't tell

2. pity parties only on special occations

3. vary stentence structure and word choice

4. always read your words out loud

5. a poem only pauses if there is a comma, period, etc (don't forget them, even if you are doing slam poetry)

6. details and images are very important (at least to me)

7. reading will improve your writing

8. editors are devine until #9 is completed

9. writers enjoy killing editors

hope this made you smile, keep writing
1/20/2005 c1 9Kalopsia
*shudders* what an excellent poem. i love the dashes- im a dash person too. ANYWAYS, LOVE THIS. You got a real talent for writing.
6/20/2004 c1 123breakdown in the waiting room
Short poetry is awesome. Short poetry that makes a punch is even better.
Reading this is like being trapped in the dark with rather grotesque yet inviting shadows on the wall. Delightfully eerie. Love the subtle rhyme. There were a few spelling errors, though. ("tings" and "cieling"). It took me a while to get the line "they’ll cut her down with bees-" but that's me, not you.
-Jess
10/18/2003 c1 69the cereal killer
Creepy.. I have no words for this.

"inflatable skeletons" gives me the image of expanding pain..

And tasting fear..

The last two lines, Wow.

YES I LOVED ECHO. It was the first FLB book I read, ever. It got me started (: Pardon me for being a little slow. I never really liked reading much.. (Well I did 'til I was about 9, then I stopped.)
9/13/2003 c1 romancingthemoon
enjoyable for all ages...or not
8/7/2003 c1 64Black Tangled Heart
you are so bloody brilliant it's not even funny.
6/1/2003 c1 9carterxoxo
that was positivley eerie. it really gave me goosebumps. i sometimes wonder where you get your motivation or insight into writing these poems, but then i think i don't want to know. that was lovely
5/23/2003 c1 GoodbyeDeleteThisPage
I've read this about 5 times now and I finally can half-way put in to words how, how this poem makes me feel. I can feel the adrenaline laced fright that flows through it. I can taste the crimson cinnamon. I feel all this yet, yet I am still disattached from it all. Wow, just a few words hold so much.

-Oriana Amadis
5/3/2003 c1 wheresmydopamine
Ohh, creepy. I love the last couple of lines.. Wow.
4/29/2003 c1 17fontanellemonster
That's so good! I lurve your writing so so so incredibly much, I say this every time but it really is amazing. OK...original coment...umm...it has such good imagery...agh...I'm really unimaginative. Umm...it's so pretty in a really cool bloody way...yay..

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