for Intrigue8/26/2006 c1 toxic-noodle725
i liked this story. the story line was great as were the characters. though i had hoped u would write bout tempest and melody and everyone else in the epilogue, its still satisfying. well done.
i liked this story. the story line was great as were the characters. though i had hoped u would write bout tempest and melody and everyone else in the epilogue, its still satisfying. well done.
8/18/2006 c1 All's End
HAHA! I am believed to be your thousandth reviewer! Yesness! OK. In other words, your story is so incredibly INTRIGUEing if I must say.
HAHA! I am believed to be your thousandth reviewer! Yesness! OK. In other words, your story is so incredibly INTRIGUEing if I must say.
8/18/2006 c24 littleMissSunshine
if your care about writing quality in the least DO NOT READ THIS STORY. I saw that it had nearly 10 reviews so I kept reading hoping that the writing would improve. It doesnt. Plotline, characters, and wrining (flow) all leave MUCH to be desired
if your care about writing quality in the least DO NOT READ THIS STORY. I saw that it had nearly 10 reviews so I kept reading hoping that the writing would improve. It doesnt. Plotline, characters, and wrining (flow) all leave MUCH to be desired
8/16/2006 c22 atreyu love
damn... im crying now. *sigh* i love wit XD argh! dont wanna sound like fiona!
damn... im crying now. *sigh* i love wit XD argh! dont wanna sound like fiona!
8/14/2006 c24 weirdogirll
Your story is amazing! You know, I didn't even know that she was CHINESE until three-fourths into your story. LOL! Dude... XIAN. :D I can finally read a story with an Asian.
Too bad for Tempest. He's got everything when he was younger, now he'll have to suffer. I love Aiden's behavior. :]
This review can turn out to be really long, but I'm tierd. -_- This is a great read. Reminds me of Mulan. ;D
Your story is amazing! You know, I didn't even know that she was CHINESE until three-fourths into your story. LOL! Dude... XIAN. :D I can finally read a story with an Asian.
Too bad for Tempest. He's got everything when he was younger, now he'll have to suffer. I love Aiden's behavior. :]
This review can turn out to be really long, but I'm tierd. -_- This is a great read. Reminds me of Mulan. ;D
8/6/2006 c24 
5Queenjewel44
I love your story! I would love to hear what about what happened to Damon family.
5Queenjewel44I love your story! I would love to hear what about what happened to Damon family.
8/3/2006 c24 Evinus
I liked this, I'm a little upset at the lack of romance but that isn't the genre afterall, I'm just sappy
I really liked Aiden/Jade's character usually people try and make their female characters strong but they really only suceed in looking like they've tried to hard.
I could actually believer the superiority of Jade's character.
I liked this, I'm a little upset at the lack of romance but that isn't the genre afterall, I'm just sappy
I really liked Aiden/Jade's character usually people try and make their female characters strong but they really only suceed in looking like they've tried to hard.
I could actually believer the superiority of Jade's character.
7/29/2006 c24 sarah
i really hope that you rewrite your ending. its really awkward and the end of chapter 23 wasn't really good. i could say that it spoilt the story. but overall, Intrigue is pretty good, something different from the other stories i've read on fictionpress. it's the first story where someone actually makes chinese refrences (: many of my friends prefer to so called "pretend" that they are westerners [btw i'm a chinese living in singapore] so yupps.
really nice story (:
i really hope that you rewrite your ending. its really awkward and the end of chapter 23 wasn't really good. i could say that it spoilt the story. but overall, Intrigue is pretty good, something different from the other stories i've read on fictionpress. it's the first story where someone actually makes chinese refrences (: many of my friends prefer to so called "pretend" that they are westerners [btw i'm a chinese living in singapore] so yupps.
really nice story (:
7/24/2006 c24 fashionista
wow. i really enjoyed your story and read it all in one day.now, don't take offense in this for this is constructive critism, but i found some spelling errors in chapter 23. i believe it was something like leaded for should be lead.i hope your publishing goes well.and this is just a suggestion but what about a title like:
masked behind the beauty
well good luck and great story!
wow. i really enjoyed your story and read it all in one day.now, don't take offense in this for this is constructive critism, but i found some spelling errors in chapter 23. i believe it was something like leaded for should be lead.i hope your publishing goes well.and this is just a suggestion but what about a title like:
masked behind the beauty
well good luck and great story!
6/25/2006 c24 Guest
I seriously did not see any romance develop between Damon and Aiden. Everything was just so sudden. Though you did mention that your ending was rushed so I shoudlnt be that picky, should I? Anyways, I was a bit disapointed I guess because of the traditonal East meets West scenario. I guess because I'm Vietnamese and always watch those olden day chinese movies,your story didnt have anthing that I found very fascinating. It seemed you just copied the kung fu and palace styles. I guess you should have developed the story ad characters more.
I seriously did not see any romance develop between Damon and Aiden. Everything was just so sudden. Though you did mention that your ending was rushed so I shoudlnt be that picky, should I? Anyways, I was a bit disapointed I guess because of the traditonal East meets West scenario. I guess because I'm Vietnamese and always watch those olden day chinese movies,your story didnt have anthing that I found very fascinating. It seemed you just copied the kung fu and palace styles. I guess you should have developed the story ad characters more.
6/20/2006 c24 becky
i loved ur story but the ending needed more substance it was quite abrupt specially the part where aiden pairs up with damon please rewrite the ending if ur publishing itthe story was a romance with everythng awesome.
i loved ur story but the ending needed more substance it was quite abrupt specially the part where aiden pairs up with damon please rewrite the ending if ur publishing itthe story was a romance with everythng awesome.
6/19/2006 c15 becky
in this chapter u hav named the dog gabriel but in one line damon calls the dog sharo...was that a typo?
in this chapter u hav named the dog gabriel but in one line damon calls the dog sharo...was that a typo?
6/17/2006 c24 4Lovediamond15
hm, good story, i think with a little work and a little more plot, this story could be really good, hope u hav/had fun in china, and since the Xianian's were based on Ancient China, u may hav had some more idea's. as for the title, i do think it could be better, but im not sure what you could change it to. sorry. the story was really good, could you let me know if you do alter parts and add more, i would really like to read it. im gonna add the story to my favourites list, even though its finished, maybe someone will look and read it, more publicity.
4Lovediamond15hm, good story, i think with a little work and a little more plot, this story could be really good, hope u hav/had fun in china, and since the Xianian's were based on Ancient China, u may hav had some more idea's. as for the title, i do think it could be better, but im not sure what you could change it to. sorry. the story was really good, could you let me know if you do alter parts and add more, i would really like to read it. im gonna add the story to my favourites list, even though its finished, maybe someone will look and read it, more publicity.
6/11/2006 c13 12Kurt Wagner
I have to admit, i feel a bit intimidated, because your writing skills are so overwhelming. I dont usually read fiction, for i am partial to poetry, but yours is the first story to keep me reading chapter after chapter.
I will review again as the story continues, but i feel the need to remark; i didnt think it was possible to describe Damon (my favorite :) ) in such few sentences.
He didn't want his countryman to be disgusted by him. He wanted to be accepted. By his brother. By his peers. By the Xianian. By anyone. But he doubted that was possible. It was too late. He was a monster in the eyes of everyone. And he really didn't want to change because sometimes fear was the only weapon he had.
Amazing, to put it simply.
12Kurt WagnerI have to admit, i feel a bit intimidated, because your writing skills are so overwhelming. I dont usually read fiction, for i am partial to poetry, but yours is the first story to keep me reading chapter after chapter.
I will review again as the story continues, but i feel the need to remark; i didnt think it was possible to describe Damon (my favorite :) ) in such few sentences.
He didn't want his countryman to be disgusted by him. He wanted to be accepted. By his brother. By his peers. By the Xianian. By anyone. But he doubted that was possible. It was too late. He was a monster in the eyes of everyone. And he really didn't want to change because sometimes fear was the only weapon he had.
Amazing, to put it simply.