for Intrigue7/10/2010 c6 
2Nanii
though I'm greatly enjoying this story I'm confused as to when Nathan, Dom and wit found out that aiden was a girl. If they are not meant to know this early on in this story then you should probably read through it and change a coupple of "she" to "he" ;)
otherwise I think it's a great story!
2Naniithough I'm greatly enjoying this story I'm confused as to when Nathan, Dom and wit found out that aiden was a girl. If they are not meant to know this early on in this story then you should probably read through it and change a coupple of "she" to "he" ;)
otherwise I think it's a great story!
6/22/2010 c24 Magz
I love your story. I re-read this all the time. Aiden is amazing and I love her attitude. Her toughness is something I have always wanted and I get into the plot easily. It is one of my favorite stories on fictionpress. Thank you very much.
I love your story. I re-read this all the time. Aiden is amazing and I love her attitude. Her toughness is something I have always wanted and I get into the plot easily. It is one of my favorite stories on fictionpress. Thank you very much.
6/13/2010 c24 1Candescence
I like the title to the story. It's not that bad...
Thank goodness that Jade didn't keep acting so distant and cold. I thought she was gonna keep up the act, so when she became all happy and open I was all like YaY! This story is good. LIke you said, if you added more drama and stuff and much more detail, you would have a chance at getting it published. I remember what you wrote down in an a/n saying that your parents thought that this was a joke or something. Don't let that get you down, you can get this published after you work on it like adding in more complications and more depth to the characters. But, anyways, congrats on finishing this story!
1CandescenceI like the title to the story. It's not that bad...
Thank goodness that Jade didn't keep acting so distant and cold. I thought she was gonna keep up the act, so when she became all happy and open I was all like YaY! This story is good. LIke you said, if you added more drama and stuff and much more detail, you would have a chance at getting it published. I remember what you wrote down in an a/n saying that your parents thought that this was a joke or something. Don't let that get you down, you can get this published after you work on it like adding in more complications and more depth to the characters. But, anyways, congrats on finishing this story!
6/13/2010 c22 Candescence
NO! Not Wit! He was one of my fav characters. You just had to kill him didn't you? But I don't think they could've worked out anyways, with her being a princess and all...
NO! Not Wit! He was one of my fav characters. You just had to kill him didn't you? But I don't think they could've worked out anyways, with her being a princess and all...
6/13/2010 c5 Candescence
Oh, ok, that's good. I thought Wit still thought she was a guy and kept comparing Aiden to that girl. I had a feeling, however little, that he knew she was a woman.
Oh, ok, that's good. I thought Wit still thought she was a guy and kept comparing Aiden to that girl. I had a feeling, however little, that he knew she was a woman.
5/17/2010 c1 3Marshie-kun
Forgive me for being ignorant, but what is the old definition of romance? I'm a bit curious, xD.
3Marshie-kunForgive me for being ignorant, but what is the old definition of romance? I'm a bit curious, xD.
3/23/2010 c24 3Letterdown
That was amazing! One of the best stories I've read on the site. It was thorough, the characters were interesting, and the storyline was well plotted out and in-depth! You created your own world which is extremely difficult to do, and it worked out brilliantly! It has been quite a few years since you wrote this, and I know that it probably hasn't been on your mind for ages, but I think you should definitely try to get it published, despite how much time has passed. Amazing job, I love, love, loved it!
The only advice I'd have was to build up the characters a little more - show up, have more in-depth thoughts of theirs. You say Wit was your favorite character - I saw him as more of an extra. I was actually surprised when he confessed his love; meek infatuation, sure. Love? Not so sure. And although I liked Damon best out of the male characters, I hardly knew him well enough to really 'latch on' to the character as I often do when reading (ya know, really relate?).
Of course, my favorite character was Jade/Aiden (coincidentally, two of my favorites names for a girl/boy). She was such a badazz! :D I did think that, however, she was much more 'connectible' in the beginning of the story. Although she was the main character she started to fade out in the middle, which made me lose a little bit of interest in her. But you didn't give us much info about the characters in general, as I said before.
So basically I'm saying that the plot definitely drove this story but the characters didn't quite match up to its brilliance. But like I said, great job! I hardly ever write this long of reviews on this site and I'm finally glad to have found a story that I WANTED to spend some time discussing.
Loved it, as I said before, and I do hope you're still keeping an eye out for any reviews ;). Thanks for taking all of that time to write this, I definitely enjoyed all the time I took to read it!
And, I don't want to sound like a creeper but you're about 22 now or something? (I looked up your other account, you have an age on it and then basic math... err hopefully that proves I'm not a creepy stalker?) I do hope that you continued writing off-site and let those creative ideas flow! I'd hate to have seen your talent gone to waste! For having written this so young it was very well done and I can only imagine how much better of a writer you are now!
Alright I'll stop praising you, but if you DID happen to write more I'd love to read it sometime. Maybe you've got something published - I'd definitely go out and buy it!
Alright. Fin! Have a nice day? Lol...
-Dana
3LetterdownThat was amazing! One of the best stories I've read on the site. It was thorough, the characters were interesting, and the storyline was well plotted out and in-depth! You created your own world which is extremely difficult to do, and it worked out brilliantly! It has been quite a few years since you wrote this, and I know that it probably hasn't been on your mind for ages, but I think you should definitely try to get it published, despite how much time has passed. Amazing job, I love, love, loved it!
The only advice I'd have was to build up the characters a little more - show up, have more in-depth thoughts of theirs. You say Wit was your favorite character - I saw him as more of an extra. I was actually surprised when he confessed his love; meek infatuation, sure. Love? Not so sure. And although I liked Damon best out of the male characters, I hardly knew him well enough to really 'latch on' to the character as I often do when reading (ya know, really relate?).
Of course, my favorite character was Jade/Aiden (coincidentally, two of my favorites names for a girl/boy). She was such a badazz! :D I did think that, however, she was much more 'connectible' in the beginning of the story. Although she was the main character she started to fade out in the middle, which made me lose a little bit of interest in her. But you didn't give us much info about the characters in general, as I said before.
So basically I'm saying that the plot definitely drove this story but the characters didn't quite match up to its brilliance. But like I said, great job! I hardly ever write this long of reviews on this site and I'm finally glad to have found a story that I WANTED to spend some time discussing.
Loved it, as I said before, and I do hope you're still keeping an eye out for any reviews ;). Thanks for taking all of that time to write this, I definitely enjoyed all the time I took to read it!
And, I don't want to sound like a creeper but you're about 22 now or something? (I looked up your other account, you have an age on it and then basic math... err hopefully that proves I'm not a creepy stalker?) I do hope that you continued writing off-site and let those creative ideas flow! I'd hate to have seen your talent gone to waste! For having written this so young it was very well done and I can only imagine how much better of a writer you are now!
Alright I'll stop praising you, but if you DID happen to write more I'd love to read it sometime. Maybe you've got something published - I'd definitely go out and buy it!
Alright. Fin! Have a nice day? Lol...
-Dana
2/9/2010 c24 2jessie0754
That was fun :) You put them through some really hard times :P While I do believe you could flesh out the ending, I liked it!
Good work (and wow, you finished this story in one year?)
Also, I quite liked the title :)
2jessie0754That was fun :) You put them through some really hard times :P While I do believe you could flesh out the ending, I liked it!
Good work (and wow, you finished this story in one year?)
Also, I quite liked the title :)
1/20/2010 c24 Last Wish
Very refreshing and I do see room for more, but I'm still satisfied with the ending. I'm actually happy she didn't end up with Tempest, but Damon instead. His character just needs more lovin. haha I do notice some feedback claiming the story to be quite dark, I hardly think so if they believe this is dark. Then again it's just my opinion...
Very refreshing and I do see room for more, but I'm still satisfied with the ending. I'm actually happy she didn't end up with Tempest, but Damon instead. His character just needs more lovin. haha I do notice some feedback claiming the story to be quite dark, I hardly think so if they believe this is dark. Then again it's just my opinion...
1/6/2010 c24 BananaCreme
Aw... It was sweet, but I really wanted "Aiden" to end up with Tempest.
Aw... It was sweet, but I really wanted "Aiden" to end up with Tempest.
12/21/2009 c24 2bubublacz
Aw... I really love your story. I got teary-eyed at the end. Romance, huh? Got me fooled there by a minute. But I'm still glad that I stuck with this story. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
2bubublaczAw... I really love your story. I got teary-eyed at the end. Romance, huh? Got me fooled there by a minute. But I'm still glad that I stuck with this story. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
12/21/2009 c20 bubublacz
Gosh, I feel like crying whenever someone brings up the innocence that they've lost. It's so tragic.
Gosh, I feel like crying whenever someone brings up the innocence that they've lost. It's so tragic.