for A New Path5/18/2003 c9 Triste Vara
I like it so far. The flashbacks/momories are a nice additon to the story. Love the names, too! ^_~
I like it so far. The flashbacks/momories are a nice additon to the story. Love the names, too! ^_~
5/18/2003 c1 
2starzstruck-1
I'm not sure what i like better, the beginning or the end! The beginning is so mysterious, but the end is so touching...
oh, btw, if your interested, i just put up a new poem, called My Love...If you'd like, come check it out. I dont know if its up yet, but oh well.
Well, Pleasant partings!
2starzstruck-1I'm not sure what i like better, the beginning or the end! The beginning is so mysterious, but the end is so touching...
oh, btw, if your interested, i just put up a new poem, called My Love...If you'd like, come check it out. I dont know if its up yet, but oh well.
Well, Pleasant partings!
5/18/2003 c9 starzstruck-1
All I can say is ..."Wow". That was great. i see what you meant, when you said my story fitted your tastes, lol
All I can say is ..."Wow". That was great. i see what you meant, when you said my story fitted your tastes, lol
5/17/2003 c4 Rara Punk
its moving along nicely
'drowned from laughter. As she sinked into the water, but Kaze was quick'
that bit just sounds a bit weird, I think it should be
'drowned from laughter as she sinked into the water. Kaze was quick...etc
Anywayz, you can read my story the chosen, its a good old fantasy too im just going to fix up the spacing now...laters
its moving along nicely
'drowned from laughter. As she sinked into the water, but Kaze was quick'
that bit just sounds a bit weird, I think it should be
'drowned from laughter as she sinked into the water. Kaze was quick...etc
Anywayz, you can read my story the chosen, its a good old fantasy too im just going to fix up the spacing now...laters
5/17/2003 c3 punksta16
but Rose hushed her, her words sounded pained
it would have sounded better with, Rose hushed her pained words
also a few typos, like chek and wimsuit.
other than that its pretty good, although you could put all that you have written so far into one chapter.
but Rose hushed her, her words sounded pained
it would have sounded better with, Rose hushed her pained words
also a few typos, like chek and wimsuit.
other than that its pretty good, although you could put all that you have written so far into one chapter.
5/17/2003 c8 Kyliejellybean
coolies, it's a good story, i like it! Give yourself some credit, it's good.
coolies, it's a good story, i like it! Give yourself some credit, it's good.
5/14/2003 c4 Kichi-Jen
This is an interesting story. It has a good story plot to it, from what I can tell.
There are a few things you need to watch out for, though.
First of all, your spelling needs a bit of work. If you have Microsoft Word, or some other writing program like that, use spellcheck. It should catch a lot of those errors.
Second, your grammar. You have a lot of places where you put commas in the wrong place, or don't put in periods where they need to be. For example, in the paragraph (chapter 4) that begins: "Rose, I am a half-Goddess . . ." This entire paragraph, if you notice, is one giant, rambling sentence, and can become very distracting for the reader to read.
All in all, though, you're off to a good start. I hope this review doesn't offend you in any way, it is simply meant to be constructive criticism.
*~Angel~*
This is an interesting story. It has a good story plot to it, from what I can tell.
There are a few things you need to watch out for, though.
First of all, your spelling needs a bit of work. If you have Microsoft Word, or some other writing program like that, use spellcheck. It should catch a lot of those errors.
Second, your grammar. You have a lot of places where you put commas in the wrong place, or don't put in periods where they need to be. For example, in the paragraph (chapter 4) that begins: "Rose, I am a half-Goddess . . ." This entire paragraph, if you notice, is one giant, rambling sentence, and can become very distracting for the reader to read.
All in all, though, you're off to a good start. I hope this review doesn't offend you in any way, it is simply meant to be constructive criticism.
*~Angel~*
5/12/2003 c5 SSSRoaB
Heh heh heh! I WONDER what's gonna happen next!*hint,hint:UPDATE* UPDATE soon so I can find out! PLEASE! Oh my god, I've said the forbidden word. 'Please', ugh what a horrid word...*continues mumbling for quite a bit before realizing the author is still reading this* Sorry. Well, 'bye!
SRoaB
Heh heh heh! I WONDER what's gonna happen next!*hint,hint:UPDATE* UPDATE soon so I can find out! PLEASE! Oh my god, I've said the forbidden word. 'Please', ugh what a horrid word...*continues mumbling for quite a bit before realizing the author is still reading this* Sorry. Well, 'bye!
SRoaB
5/8/2003 c1 4Innocent Teen
It has a good start! You just need to watch out for those words you add or forget letters to. (I forget all of the time... heh...)
4Innocent TeenIt has a good start! You just need to watch out for those words you add or forget letters to. (I forget all of the time... heh...)
5/5/2003 c1 1Theresa Gonzalez
I think this chapter could be better with more of a background on the girl, Rose. The very begining of the chapter seems a little rocky and should be explained better. For example the issue abut the emeral i didn't quite understand how this tied into the story. The whole idea or concept of the story is great, but i think if it had more depth and detailed it would make the chapter even better.
1Theresa GonzalezI think this chapter could be better with more of a background on the girl, Rose. The very begining of the chapter seems a little rocky and should be explained better. For example the issue abut the emeral i didn't quite understand how this tied into the story. The whole idea or concept of the story is great, but i think if it had more depth and detailed it would make the chapter even better.
5/5/2003 c2 16Kaze-Shukun
Yes, this is a review of chapter 2, though it has'nt appeared on the entire site, how can this be? Well, if you add to the url, on the top, &chapter=# (#=Chapter you wish to view)
For the rest, i hope you like the action! This part explains two things, for chapter 3, why Rose is special, and what's wrong with Jamana
16Kaze-ShukunYes, this is a review of chapter 2, though it has'nt appeared on the entire site, how can this be? Well, if you add to the url, on the top, &chapter=# (#=Chapter you wish to view)
For the rest, i hope you like the action! This part explains two things, for chapter 3, why Rose is special, and what's wrong with Jamana
5/5/2003 c1 Kaze-Shukun
Thank you, all three, i'll try to get chapter two up today, and yes, i'm not good at descriptions, but i'll get it in chapter 2, i'll fix the grammar mistake i saw too
Kaze
Thank you, all three, i'll try to get chapter two up today, and yes, i'm not good at descriptions, but i'll get it in chapter 2, i'll fix the grammar mistake i saw too
Kaze
5/5/2003 c1 9Lonestar Sweetheart
Hey... Is this the first chapter of the story? If so, it looks like it could be off to a good start. If not, then i'm not sure i really get the point of it all.
9Lonestar SweetheartHey... Is this the first chapter of the story? If so, it looks like it could be off to a good start. If not, then i'm not sure i really get the point of it all.