for Dearly Beloved3/17/2010 c63 rugvbkh799
Hello Beautiful Midnight,
Okay then, I’ve read your story “Dearly Beloved” and as I always do, I leave a review! I’ve got a lot on my hands for the moment, so it’s always nice to take a break and read a fanfiction story on FFN or a fiction like this on FP. I can write myself pretty much all the time since I use my laptop in school, but I haven’t felt all that motivated lately, and you know what; to make things better I’m not even READING stories of the same category as the stories I write! Oh, and I write Fanfiction stories, so; I read Harry Potter stories, and then I write Naruto stories, I’m just weird sometimes . . . well . . . the majority of the time I’m (in)sane. But anyways! As I said, I’ve got a lot to do for the moment, so I break from that with FP reading is great.
It’s always like a wake-up call to find something that makes you frown and think twice, so stories with one of the genres being Drama is awesome – even though in a sad way – their past and what happened then etc.. But! Since I’m leaving a review, I’ve got to tell you about the things I liked, didn’t like that much and then of course, I’ve got to leave some constructive criticism. I’ve got some questions and wonderings as well, and I hope you’re going to read this review and answer the questions. If you don’t have the time to, it’s acceptable, but I’d appreciate it :] Even though there are a lot of matters I’d like to discuss, I’ll only bring up a few under each headline. I hope you’re fine with that, or else, I’d leave a review this long for EACH AND EVERY CHAPTER, and that’s something I really don’t have the time to do, so yeah . . .
POSITIVE:
No fight and no sex in immensely huge amounts. It’s actually awesome, since they’ve actually got rules here on FP concerning sex etc. so it’s a plus from me :] Same thing for fighting, when people write fights and battles in general, it’s often very tedious and I get bored easily, but it wasn’t like that in this story.
The beginning of the story was good. It wasn’t like this; they met, put rabbits to shame and BOM! They live happily ever after. You had an introduction, and that’s something most people forget about. From my point of view, I kind of like the plot in general actually. It’s a little, little, little different from other stories – it’s not all of this; the meeting/sex/dry humour/someone being extremely weak and bottom-ish(you did have some of this though)/crack all over the place/the characters being OOC/and the list goes on . . .
Matt’s persona was awesome, and I like the fact that he’s British, and when you wrote about him, his family, his accent, his life, his likings etc. it made me happy. For some reason I love British people, and thereby I nearly automatically loved Matt at once! There were a few moments when I just wanted to take a step straight into this story and take a look at everything from that point of view instead, though . . . that’s not possible -_-“
You’re great with grammar, spelling and capitalization, as well as with the details, descriptions, emotions, realistic writing and to keep a good length of the chapters as well as for the story itself
NEGATIVE:
I didn’t like the chapters after chapter 59 . . . same goes for the filler chapters with the anniversary things and an interlude, or whatever it was . . . I don’t like it when you add extra things and make it all so weird. But other than that the chapters were great, and it wasn’t so slow, a lot of things happened instead :]
I really didn’t like the story after the chapter “Ten Years” since this story was about their younger lives, and for you to add chapters where they are older and grey, and are starting to fade away . . . well . . . it have to fit the story, and it didn’t fit here. You should have pretty much ended it before the ten years skip, and left us readers to the imaginary world. I really felt horrible when Nate died, and then Matt died as well, and it all was so weird. So yeah, you should have focused on their younger lives only, it would have been better I believe :]
You sure as hell messed up the British language from time to time! xD Though it was extremely fun to read your mistakes (I speak British so I probably read this from another aspect than you) especially the “knocked up” part and the things about the milk xD
QUESTIONS & WONDERINGS:
a) How did you come up with this plot? Did you get your inspiration from an event in real life; did you read a story to get some inspiration, or what happened? I know that this may look like a strange question, but I’d like to know as a growing author, as well as a reader of this story. I want to know how you thought! :]
b) Have you thought about writing a similar story but with the kids during their school years and/or their young twenties? You’ve got the potential to do so, and I’d like to read some more by you if you did so :]
That’s all I’ve got to say, and I’ve just very glad that you’ve written this story. I’ve said it once before, but really; this is a good story but some parts were just weird! Btw, I’m too lazy (YES! I am lazy; I think we agree on that, hmm?) to go back and look for errors in this reviews, so you’ll just have to bear with me today. I’ve got school tomorrow, so it’s sleep for me that’s next on my list. Nighty, nighty.
Dream. Live. Read. Write. Eat. All for fiction!
Huggles,
Mi
Hello Beautiful Midnight,
Okay then, I’ve read your story “Dearly Beloved” and as I always do, I leave a review! I’ve got a lot on my hands for the moment, so it’s always nice to take a break and read a fanfiction story on FFN or a fiction like this on FP. I can write myself pretty much all the time since I use my laptop in school, but I haven’t felt all that motivated lately, and you know what; to make things better I’m not even READING stories of the same category as the stories I write! Oh, and I write Fanfiction stories, so; I read Harry Potter stories, and then I write Naruto stories, I’m just weird sometimes . . . well . . . the majority of the time I’m (in)sane. But anyways! As I said, I’ve got a lot to do for the moment, so I break from that with FP reading is great.
It’s always like a wake-up call to find something that makes you frown and think twice, so stories with one of the genres being Drama is awesome – even though in a sad way – their past and what happened then etc.. But! Since I’m leaving a review, I’ve got to tell you about the things I liked, didn’t like that much and then of course, I’ve got to leave some constructive criticism. I’ve got some questions and wonderings as well, and I hope you’re going to read this review and answer the questions. If you don’t have the time to, it’s acceptable, but I’d appreciate it :] Even though there are a lot of matters I’d like to discuss, I’ll only bring up a few under each headline. I hope you’re fine with that, or else, I’d leave a review this long for EACH AND EVERY CHAPTER, and that’s something I really don’t have the time to do, so yeah . . .
POSITIVE:
No fight and no sex in immensely huge amounts. It’s actually awesome, since they’ve actually got rules here on FP concerning sex etc. so it’s a plus from me :] Same thing for fighting, when people write fights and battles in general, it’s often very tedious and I get bored easily, but it wasn’t like that in this story.
The beginning of the story was good. It wasn’t like this; they met, put rabbits to shame and BOM! They live happily ever after. You had an introduction, and that’s something most people forget about. From my point of view, I kind of like the plot in general actually. It’s a little, little, little different from other stories – it’s not all of this; the meeting/sex/dry humour/someone being extremely weak and bottom-ish(you did have some of this though)/crack all over the place/the characters being OOC/and the list goes on . . .
Matt’s persona was awesome, and I like the fact that he’s British, and when you wrote about him, his family, his accent, his life, his likings etc. it made me happy. For some reason I love British people, and thereby I nearly automatically loved Matt at once! There were a few moments when I just wanted to take a step straight into this story and take a look at everything from that point of view instead, though . . . that’s not possible -_-“
You’re great with grammar, spelling and capitalization, as well as with the details, descriptions, emotions, realistic writing and to keep a good length of the chapters as well as for the story itself
NEGATIVE:
I didn’t like the chapters after chapter 59 . . . same goes for the filler chapters with the anniversary things and an interlude, or whatever it was . . . I don’t like it when you add extra things and make it all so weird. But other than that the chapters were great, and it wasn’t so slow, a lot of things happened instead :]
I really didn’t like the story after the chapter “Ten Years” since this story was about their younger lives, and for you to add chapters where they are older and grey, and are starting to fade away . . . well . . . it have to fit the story, and it didn’t fit here. You should have pretty much ended it before the ten years skip, and left us readers to the imaginary world. I really felt horrible when Nate died, and then Matt died as well, and it all was so weird. So yeah, you should have focused on their younger lives only, it would have been better I believe :]
You sure as hell messed up the British language from time to time! xD Though it was extremely fun to read your mistakes (I speak British so I probably read this from another aspect than you) especially the “knocked up” part and the things about the milk xD
QUESTIONS & WONDERINGS:
a) How did you come up with this plot? Did you get your inspiration from an event in real life; did you read a story to get some inspiration, or what happened? I know that this may look like a strange question, but I’d like to know as a growing author, as well as a reader of this story. I want to know how you thought! :]
b) Have you thought about writing a similar story but with the kids during their school years and/or their young twenties? You’ve got the potential to do so, and I’d like to read some more by you if you did so :]
That’s all I’ve got to say, and I’ve just very glad that you’ve written this story. I’ve said it once before, but really; this is a good story but some parts were just weird! Btw, I’m too lazy (YES! I am lazy; I think we agree on that, hmm?) to go back and look for errors in this reviews, so you’ll just have to bear with me today. I’ve got school tomorrow, so it’s sleep for me that’s next on my list. Nighty, nighty.
Dream. Live. Read. Write. Eat. All for fiction!
Huggles,
Mi
3/7/2010 c62 ShayJ
Loved the 2nd ending! made me happy to see Matt come for his Princess and take him on to forever. You ladies are awesome!
Loved the 2nd ending! made me happy to see Matt come for his Princess and take him on to forever. You ladies are awesome!
3/7/2010 c59 ShayJ
OMG I cried so hard. I swear I have never read anything that has made me cry so hard and so much. Very well done story! I've laughed and cried through out it. This chapter and the last got me the most. You two know how to pull a girls heart strings. *sniffles* This is the best original fiction romance i have ever come across.
OMG I cried so hard. I swear I have never read anything that has made me cry so hard and so much. Very well done story! I've laughed and cried through out it. This chapter and the last got me the most. You two know how to pull a girls heart strings. *sniffles* This is the best original fiction romance i have ever come across.
1/27/2010 c58 TheLadleQueen
Okay, so I have a couple of chapters to go but I REALLY have to go to bed...
Awesome story. Your maths was slightly buggered in places and the whole superduper Englishman was kinda weird but all in all it was pretty damned epical (:
If I get into trouble for all of the homework I didn't do in the last week, it should totally be on your conscience (; (Pretty much worth it though)
Pip pip (;
Okay, so I have a couple of chapters to go but I REALLY have to go to bed...
Awesome story. Your maths was slightly buggered in places and the whole superduper Englishman was kinda weird but all in all it was pretty damned epical (:
If I get into trouble for all of the homework I didn't do in the last week, it should totally be on your conscience (; (Pretty much worth it though)
Pip pip (;
1/3/2010 c59 
16Oshini
Oh my god, that was so sad! I cried my eyes out the last few chapters. But it was a good ending for the story.
I really loved this story! The characters are so lovable, and there were many plot twists and surprises to keep it interesting.
16OshiniOh my god, that was so sad! I cried my eyes out the last few chapters. But it was a good ending for the story.
I really loved this story! The characters are so lovable, and there were many plot twists and surprises to keep it interesting.
10/18/2009 c58 lunasea
WHAT THE F* IS WRONG WITH U? I LUV U AS AN AUTHOR BUT WHY DID U HAVE TO KILL 2 OF MY FAV CHARACTERS! ITS NOT FAIR
WHAT THE F* IS WRONG WITH U? I LUV U AS AN AUTHOR BUT WHY DID U HAVE TO KILL 2 OF MY FAV CHARACTERS! ITS NOT FAIR
10/15/2009 c63 Andrea
I think that I can honestly say that this is the best story I have ever read. Sean and Nate are absolutely adorable and Matt and Jake are like the dark angels everybody wants for their own. I was bawling by the end of the story, the pure emotion and amount of drama packed into one story is amazing. Continue writing, and I sincerely thank you for posting this on Fictionpress.
I think that I can honestly say that this is the best story I have ever read. Sean and Nate are absolutely adorable and Matt and Jake are like the dark angels everybody wants for their own. I was bawling by the end of the story, the pure emotion and amount of drama packed into one story is amazing. Continue writing, and I sincerely thank you for posting this on Fictionpress.
9/9/2009 c16 5Inara Foxx
awe. i'm seriously about to cry. =((
Why'd you do that? Hehe. He was my favorite character!
Why?
Hehe. Love it still.
Brittney.
5Inara Foxxawe. i'm seriously about to cry. =((
Why'd you do that? Hehe. He was my favorite character!
Why?
Hehe. Love it still.
Brittney.
8/25/2009 c1 Inara Foxx
Well, DROPDEADDANIEL recomended this sstory to me and i absolutely love it so far! =) I don't really know what to say as fas as what needs to be fixed because I didn't really see anything. So all I can really say is keep up the good work!
Britt.
Well, DROPDEADDANIEL recomended this sstory to me and i absolutely love it so far! =) I don't really know what to say as fas as what needs to be fixed because I didn't really see anything. So all I can really say is keep up the good work!
Britt.
7/31/2009 c63 Language Lover
I really enjoyed reading this story. It sucked that Airen turned out to be such a meanie and it sucked how Jake died. I was really sad when so many people died at the end and I loved how Kellen punched Airen. He deserved it. I really enjoyed the bonus chapters and you should finish it!
I really enjoyed reading this story. It sucked that Airen turned out to be such a meanie and it sucked how Jake died. I was really sad when so many people died at the end and I loved how Kellen punched Airen. He deserved it. I really enjoyed the bonus chapters and you should finish it!